Dear SatineDiamond,
I am so sorry to read that you are having a bad time at persent.
While I personally am not visited where you are at present, I want to encourage you to either see your pdoc or at the very least ring him and let him know how you are feeling (best to see him).
If you find you get closer to harming yourself in any way, and your pdoc is not available, you should go post haste to the emergency department of the nearest hospital.
Do take care of yourself and remember I am thinking of you and hope that all turns out for the better for you. Just remember that things can and do get better.
Fond regards to you,
JennyRobin