To make a long story short or... shorter than if could be, I am 21 and pregnant. The father and I ended our romantic relationship but continued to fool around once in a while. We are still close friends and he is supportive of whatever decision I choose.

However, the plot thickens... he has been in and out of a relationship with a married woman who is 22 and now 5 months pregnant. This girl has come forward to name him as the father of her baby and wants to leave her husband. He is more than happy to accpet responsibility for his child.

This was all before I found out that I was pregnant. The father now knows I am pregnant. The girlfriend does not. I want to keep my baby because I can't stand the thought of abortion. I had safe sex, used birth control, and still somehow this happened. I believe in God and I believe that things happen for a reason. I do not want to kill my baby. But, I am 21 years old and have only a little bit of college education. I work in a Law Office as a file clerk and make abou 18,000 a year. I have health insurance that is covered by my job that pays for all dr visits. Im pretty covered until I have the baby. The father says he will support me in any decision I choose but reminds me that he will already have one child to care for. I do not want to put a further strain on him yet I don't know how to do this on my own. If I can find a way to raise the child myself, I will. I dont want to have an abortion yet I don't know if I can give my baby the life it deserves.

Adoption isn't an option for me. I know i wont be able to give my baby up. And I have an older sister who says she would raise it as her own (she lives in another state and has a better income, a house, a husband and 3 children and can afford to raise a child) but I'd have to forever be Aunt Connie.

I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to kill my baby. I don't want to lose my baby.I don't wnat to cause my baby pain or suffering if I can't properly care for it.

I guess I am asking for encouragment? To know that I can find a way to make it work for me and my baby. I know I will be a good mom, I have worked in childcare for years in the past and my life's goal was always to one day be a good mother. I'm mostly just worried about finances.

My sistuation is just so messed up and I don't know what the best decision will be for the baby. I can't talk to my mom because when i was 14 she became mentally disabled due to an aneurysm, and both of my parents live in FL (Im in PA). I live with relatives who say they are supportive of my decision either way but when I talk about what I would need to do if i have the baby, they start talking to me negatively. I am so lost and so scared. I just want to do what is right! I want to be responsible for my actions but I feel so alone in my decision.

I keep rambling on and on and I know I WANT my baby. But I don't know how well I ca do this alone. :'(