I am having trouble coping with life. I am 49 years old and have made many bad decisions. Relationships- I have stayed in relationships that have not led to marriage hoping after 10 or more years that the person would reconsider. I have not been allowed by God to have children, so I have had to stand by and watch everyone else build their family. I am a college graduate, yet have been unable to hold a job over 3 years. I was fired from my last most relevant job after being told by my manager that the people (customers) don't like me and it was evident that she didn't like me either. I was banned from getting a job in that industry because she was a major force and used that power when being asked for a reference. One company conducted 14 interviews with me in their process between role plays, application and actual face to face interviews only to tell me "sorry, you were not chosen." I attempted to go back to school after getting a part time job. I cannot afford to pay rent and go o school, so I am on the verge of being evicted. I had met a new guy who seemed interested, but after the 2nd date he said "you need a boyfriend and I can't be that guy." He has never called back. There is nothing that I touch that will work. Not prayer, not hard work, not will to make it. People say "wait and be patient." How long must one wait? I will be 50 years old in a couple of weeks. I can't see it ever working. I have become a failure in all areas and have made one big mess of my life. I know this is a long post, but perhaps it is the last one. Thanks for listening.
If you see your self as a failure, others will as well. Now that you know there is a problem, look for the solution. Don't give up, ask people what they view your problem as being. Accept constructive critism as a stepping stone to do better, not as failure. Suicide is a permanat answer to a temporily problem. There are people who care about you, but you have to care about you enough to know that. Get a journal and write everyday 10 things you like about yourself. Write 5 thinngs you don't like about yourself and what you can do to change those things you don't like.
I have always known there is a problem. If constructive criticism is the solution and this is that is all I get- this is now DESTRUCTIVE criticism. I do not need even more people telling me what is wrong. I already know my entire existence is wrong. So what if I can find 5 things that are right if no one agrees with how I see myself. This is how it happens. So I am withdrawing so as not to be offensive to the world. You have to know I have tried. I have changed attributes, jobs, whatever. How much is expected? There is no more change I can make at this point.
Will you ever believe me that you're among the luckiest person in the world? "You must be joking, I'm a loser and will forever be," might be your reply. I'm not in the position like yours. But, sometimes, even I stumbled across this feeling, "I want to commit suicide. This world is too harsh for me." I'm nearing my 20, a student, have parents who can financially support me and 7 siblings. But, honestly, I too have my own problems. My parents are divorced, my siblings are separated and rarely come home. I always remind myself that "there's always a silver lining behind a cloud". I have everything that the world could hope for: I'm not disabled, have a perfect pair of hands, feet and good eyesight. I also know some people that I could call friends and always hang out with.
Humans have the tendency to compare themselves with others, like when they see a rich man with a nice car and several children and a beautiful wife, we will say, "Oh, how I wish to become like that man." Okay, let me get this straight: NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO IS SPARED FROM PROBLEMS AND HARDSHIPS. That very men might have several enemies who envied him, and received death threats every day. Even though he's rich, he might not be happy with what he has now. So, he goes out and courting with other women, and make a grave mistake.
There's also a story of a man, who has no hands and feet, and only has a pair of elbows and limbs. But, did he ever give up? No, he stands up and be an inspiring model to others with perfect bodies.
Your life in this world is not forever. Sooner or later, you would meet death. But, that's not a reason to take your own life. Our life does not belong to us, but was given by our Creator who lend us a life. Never compare ourselves to others who are better than us, but compare ourselves with others who are less unfortunate than you. For example, compare our current situation with others in war-torn countries eg Palestine, who was chased away from their own country by Zionis until today. Men were tortured and killed, women were raped and children lost their parents every single day. But, have they ever given up? No, they keep on fighting for their lives, because they believe that those who died in the cause of God and die, they will forever be in heaven.
I hope that you could change your mind and I pray that you would find your true calling, thus found the truth about our Creator.
I think you need a career changed. cant have babies, be a foster person or adopt, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, basically dont suicide because if you do,nobody will care and it will be a waste. a waste of your life, think positive and positivity will come towards you. men, well its not the last one on earth i heard people having their love of their life in their 60's,
i truly liked your reply regr8, you did the right thing and not just the normal,"you need to do this and you need to do that".
Nona123, baby girl, like regr8 said, it would be wrong for you to steal a life, even if it's your own because you didn't create yourself. That being said, baby girl all i can say is God is still God and His power still works and prayer is still a powerful communication tool. If God gave us the power to speak things into existence then i would try that because you've tried other things and they didn't seem to help. may sound silly and you might even feel stupid but I've done it, and though it aint worked for me to have a woman in my life, i did get the job i wanted(and i don't make that much money but i like it) and I got the television, yup i said t.v. lol, that i wanted. So just try speaking to God like He is a friend in the room and say exactly what you feel, you know, to like cleanse out your mind, your heart and soul. then, start speaking the things that you want and just start telling Jesus. "Father, i would like to have this job...I would like to have a companion that loves me and that i can and will love. I want to have a child(think of sarah in the bible) and Father I want to have more money, i want to not have to struggle so hard, if at all" I'm saying Nona, these things work, as long as you believe they will in your words. Your voice is so strong, you speak life in death with your tongue. Before death, try just try baby girl to speak life with it. p.s. don't be making fun of me and my "baby girl" sayings. be blessed...baby girl
Just think of all of the things people have done for throughout your life, especially the good,parents, teachers,anything all of those thing would have been for nothing think of how much saddness your family or friends would go through all you need to do is visit someone that could give you good advice to help you, a spiritual leader, a trusted friend or family member anyone you could talk to to help you
Nona 123 love if I told you my story you would be surprised that I'm still alive. Believe when I say that I know what your feeling, Life can be hard. People say without the Test you have no Testimony. Be encouraged do the exact opposite of what depression is telling you to do. Don't give up and don't give in. I believe that when suicide is committed that the same demons that caused you to kill yourself will, continually torment you in the after life.
You have a chance for change now that you still have life in your body, you don't need anyone to complete you cause you are complete without anyone. think about postponing school for now and find groups to go to, check into adoption or foster care. You may even consider moving to a new state. Continue to share your story cause someone needs to hear that they are not alone.Hey and as for men or women, if they can't love you for you then cut them loose don't bring yourself down in order to feel needed. Believe me I know what loneness feels like it hurts, but if you lie down with a dog you will get up with fleas. You have touched our lives. When one speaks two learn.
I was wondering how u r now. I hope all is better but if you still are having issues I was wondering if you would like to relocate and stay with Hubby and I for help around the house. I also was not blessed with children so yes I understand your pain... Let me know if interested.... I like calling NC HOME