Sorry, this is going to be long, but I feel really empty and alone and I need to vent.
Ok, about two years ago I met this guy (I�ll call him guy X) whilst I was on a working holiday with my friend. He was also working at the same place, and we got on really well, we hung out a lot as part of a small group. He's absolutely gorgeous and he is a lovely guy.
Me and my friend went home, and I went back to the place a few months later, and X was still working there. We spent a lot of time the two of us just hanging around chatting late into the night and then he walked me back to the place where I was staying. We were chatting for a while outside and looking at the stars and he put his head on my shoulder. I was heading off to uni in a few weeks, a few miles from where he was working and I really missed him. About a week after I moved to uni, he was heading through on his way back home (about 150 miles away), and invited me out for a meal. He looked really nice and smart and he bought me drinks and paid for my meal (he wouldnt let me pay!).
He was heading home the next day so I knew I wouldnt see him for a while. We text each other constantly and I missed him so much that I cried a lot and wanted to see him. It gradually trailed off because of the distance and we lost contact for a while. We would still email each other from time to time, and I always felt really sad reading them because I still wanted to be with him.
I missed him so much that I cried for weeks afterwards. I never really got over my feelings for him. I managed to stop crying over him so much and I briefly liked someone else (guy Y) for a few weeks (I've posted something about Y on here before, he didnt want a relationship and then got with someone else) but I still wanted X back. I got over Y really quickly, I suppose I never had the same feelings for him as I did for X. I went back to the same place this summer gone (2008), and X was there again. There were a group of people visiting and they all got drunk one night and one of the visitors said to me "I didnt know you and X were an item". I basically explained that I had been on a few dates with X and I still had very strong feelings for him, but the distance between us meant that it hadnt worked out.
X also got quite drunk and apparently said to the same visitor that he still had feelings for me. He also said that he had never been in a relationship and felt like he would never find anyone. The visitor then told me.
X eventually went to bed and I went back to the place I was staying. I ended up crying into my friend's shoulder for the next two hours and saying how badly I wanted him back. I could have told him, and yet I didn�t.
X went home the next day, he gave me a hug and said that he might see me again soon. That was about 9 months ago.
I found out the other day that he is now employed down this way, he has a full-term job down here, and to's and fro's from his home every few weeks.
My feelings for him are too strong, he's so close by, I want him back so badly and yet I'm afraid of us loosing touch again. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about him all the time. I don't even know if he still has feelings for me. My housemate said that I should ask if he wants to meet up, or go out for a coffee, but I don't want to seem like I'm stalking or chasing him. I don't want to loose him again, but I don't know how I would cope with a long term relationship.
What should I do? I can't bear the thought letting him out of my life again like this and I just don't know what to do.
Sorry for the long post.
Grey
x
