I was on the playground, playing of course, whatever that means.
And I smelled the school lunch cooking, all of a sudden I became entranced, it was a woozy dreamy kind've feeling, and a voice chimed in and said, "ya know?. Schizophrenics smell things that aren't there."
So according to everyone else, my own mind, about ten years before I became ill, told me that I was schizophrenic, and it was generated by itself apparently.
I thought that a schizophrenic couldn't know that he was a schizophrenic, so it seems odd that his own self created voices would make him know that, if only for a split second. Not to mention for a voice to tell you that you are schizophrenic is unheard of.
I hate being human, to many lies and for no good reason. You've ruined it. And especially for yourselves.
Nope, not at all, I am no one, and yet I am everyone, I am no where, except everywhere.
I have no name, and yet I encompass all names.
That's funny though to think about, if onderdonk was writing to himself asking himself to write more so that he could fulfill himself unto himself and why, because of himself.
That would actually not be a bad television show or movie, get on it zach galifonakis! Make that movie, we can't get enough!
What a funny thing if he saw that, some crazy guy giving him an idea for a movie on a useless forum, even still more funny if he used the idea and won an award for it, no, the nobel peace prize for brilliance in insanity!
So, somebody needs to write that, a crazy man doing those things, it would be more honest, way better than those other movies about the "geniuses" who weren't actually "geniuses", only led us deeper into the nightmarish abyss that we all live in.
Oh well, to each schizophrenic his own I suppose. No pun intended.
Although, I suppose Im more in touch mr. calcutta, it would seem that way, but it might actually not be, Ill have to meditate on it for several weeks before I can give you an answer, for it takes awhile to see oneself completely doesn't it?.
But no, Im not onderdonk, but aren't there similarities between all of our posts, the schizophrenics I mean?
I do hope he sees this post though, he might get a kick out of it.
I am the onderdonk, (and yeah, your post put the kick in the keck kat!) and oopsagain is like me but he isn't me, and really no one is ALL THE WAY like me, that I know of. And oopsagain asks me what do I think because he is well aware that regardless of whether I am in touch with your consensual reality, (I am, as much as I need to be, starting a new job next week in a new state, fly all day tuesday, so HAH!), in addition I am also in touch with the other world, the spirit world, the demon world, heaven, the collective unconscious, and not that I need to be in touch with that world, I just happen to be and at this point nothing the pdocs do can get it off of me, so I might as well sit around and suffer, and hallucinate wildly while staring at the agakokakological spirit world.
And I don't know how in touch either of us are with your consensual reality, I'm sure you could accuse us of being aloof at times, as we criticize that reality robustly, and I think oopsagain is as aloof from consensual reality if he wants to be, and as schizotypal, as I am, our points of view very similar.My writing does go farther off the deep end, but you never know whats in store for a character like oopsagain;
I'm with you on the movie deal; I've been compiling my posts into book format, calling it a "memoir" of schizotypal personality disorder, but you know it's a meta physical philosophy adventure, just not sure how to encase it in a plot and make it a screenplay, I really just want a bigger audiece, however i can reach them. The book is the primary idea, then you tube, if that doesn't work out - there are a couple of interesting things to see if you type in "schizotypal" already, and that is the kind of entertainment I could excel at. Also alot of the material in my posts has also been written in to heavy metal rock and roll tunes I record in my bathroom, electric and acoustic guitar, vocals, and banging on the kitchen sink for drums, as well as otherworldly songwriting, all performed by me, so that can go toward the soundtrack, or what I was thinking of doing was again youtube, animating a short mythological piece about the tiger who escapes from the circus, that's what most of the songs are about.
And while I understand that the slightest post from someone else can get me writing for hours, I never came up with the idea of starting a separate account and asking myself questions, it does dound brilliant, but honestly i don;t have the insight, I guess I am a bit out of touch with consensual reality; I hold no respect for it, but have studied it for practical purposes of access to resources all my life, and I think I am far more than passable at playing along, I get jobs, hold them sometimes for quite a while, I have a wife, a family, and I think I understand how to manipulate the system that is wary of my insanity. But I do not have all the answers, spending all my time studying hysteric esoterics, there are some surprises waiting for me within human knowledge as well. As an instructor, in a ddition to collecting ideas and analogies to explain those ideas, we collect misunderstandings, so that we can frame the presentation of the ideas better and better after listening to all the misunderstandings, and it is misunderstanding, on the part of ohcalcutta, that inspires me to write, and I never could have predicted the misunderstandings about me that occur naturally, i am very simple minded, I would have society to just have accepted me and my reality at face value. Silly me.
After all that lets return to playing, whatever that means, on the school playground at 8 years old. The voice revealed information you did not otherwise, consciously anyway, have access to. I get that thing all the time, most people with sz have examples like that, the pdoc doesn't want to hear it, sweeps it under the rug.
Books like the holographic universe go to great lengths though, to try to make sense of the multitude of stories like that, and when you experience them yourself, so do you.
I recently read a post by a person diagnosed with sz, on the explanation for alot of these phenomenon, and it was such a good psychosis I guess I've held it for months now.
He said the reason that little kids have examples where they say things they couldn't possibly know, interpreted as info from past lives, is because as a kid their magnetic field above their head is very pliant, and the mind he said was actually stored in a magnetic field, not in the brain (because the mind grows at such a rate and the brain doesn't, it must be an invisible balloon above oyur head, he reasoned), so these invisible balloons of magnetic energy get disconnected at the moment of death and float up in to the sky, releasing of the doves at the funeral, just invisible. So the little kids, and the schizophrenics, with damaged or unusually thin veils between the worlds, can intersect with these baloons, and that would explain alot, the voices in the sz patients, as well as the little kids who tell stories of past lives then forget everything and grow up normal.
And when I saw your story this morning, that jumped to mind as the explanation, what do you think, oopsaain?
I don't at this point believe in past lives really.
I'm trying so very hard to not believe or believe anything, just wait until I know, it's so hard, because it won't stop, I just want to believe and not believe things, as if I freaking knew, perhaps from a burning desire to know. Imagine that, wanting to do the right and logical things, but your body won't let you, what kind've insane idiot scientist made me.
So, okay, I caught myself, I neither believe or don't believe in past lives, just waiting for the light to be shed. If it ever does anyway.
I can say this however, I don't want to come back here, if I've been here before, it was awful, being here now, it's awful, I can hardly imagine worse things than being an animal or even a plant on this stupid planet of endless strife and battle. The endless buffet of us dying and killing so that we can die and then be eaten so that something else can kill and then die. What insane bodies we have, not worth it to me.
I would also say though, that from your other posts, and the endless insights that I can't remember from the voices or whatever they are, that if there is a lower world and an upper world and a middle world, who cares really, we came from the lower, and all that we have is sugar for the most part, you know what I mean, in principal, that's all that we get, sugar. Imagine calling something sweet to the taste heavenly, it smashing my insides everytime I am forced to #$%^ing listen to it, non sense.
Not worth it, and curse whoever and whatever made me, Im not going to say whoever made you, you love sugar, even though it's rotting your teeth.
If it was the water combined with the other parts of the universe, then curse it, if it was some guy or group of idiots, then curse them, at least for making me.
They got it backwards huh, this is the lower, nope, that's the upper.