I hear the voice of my idol in my head, but he has a strange sort of mixed personality like sometimes he is so nice and tells me good things about myself, whilst most of the time he is threatening and somewhat overpowering to the point were i can not block out the voice with music. along with threats, he commands me to self harm with scissors and knives, or even just pulling my hair or biting my finger. shamefully to admit, i obey these demands and i dont know why. i think its because its my idol maybe? i trust him. along with this voice in my head, i have been diagnosed with OCD and depression, am receiving cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist and am being assigned anti depressants called fluxotine. self harming is gradually getting worse, and i feel like an outcast as i detach myself from friends in college purposely and i sit on my own away from everyone. do they all link? what do i do?
Thank you for such inspiring advice. I do admitt however that i do not see Johnny for the glittering Hollywood image because i see through all of that box of lies and like his true personality. his dedication to his family is priceless and i simply adore reading biographies about him and his life. this is the reason i take therapy. i believe the voice is something i created because i am lonely yet i wonder how something i could love like an idol would be threatening also.
my first manic attack ...this voices are the voice of my friends, close relatives and boss.. they want me to commit suicide and murder. weird i'm have very controlled personality but for no reason i attempt to do their evil commands and i become destructive , i lost interest of living and it slowly kills me.
then weeks or months later they turn out to be the voices of somewhat popular actors, politician and the unknown people telling familiar names and commanding me to commit crazy things until these days the unknown voices are still doing it. well i don't really care of it that much anymore since i realized that i waste a year of my life following their stupid commands and it destroy me and my relationship to my family.
then later on the national and local television/radio network in my country begins torture me by poisoning the minds of the people in my community and turns it against me.
i can't fight these people, they can see the future and know my past they always using it against me. they are like the FALSE prophets in the bible using their special knowledge and a piece of future telling ability to corrupt me and people surrounds me to commit inhumane things. well, i saw this creature one night maybe a part of my visual hallucination they are like fish but they crawls like comodo dragon in his human body like physic with a very long human tongue and the creature is on the ceiling and one more crazy thing they have many followers ... crazy right?