Im a 18 year old student. I have had voices in my head for about 3 years. The one is like a friend, just trying to help me. The other one is a bit diffrent. He screams at me, giving me orders on how to live. If i do not listen to him he gets violent. He tels me to burn myself, that i do not have a future and that i deserve to die. He also hates other people and constantly tells me to kill.
I have had it under control till a few months ago. He told me to kill my family. I stood behind my father with a knife, ready to stab him, but I coulnt do it.
The week after that I was a mess. I had a few suicide attemts, but it all failed. He kept telling me that I cant even kill someone.
I am not diagnosed with anything. My mother is a pharmacist. She would on occation give me pills that I later found out is for schizophenia. I found out she also takes them.
When I was about 7 I had my fist suicide attempt. I dont understand why. I was not depressed and schizophrenia is very uncommon in young kids.
I have morbid thoughts. I laugh when I hear that someone's friend or parent died. I sometimes do it to the persons face. I do not know why.
I just want to know what exactly is wrong with me, before I hurt the one person I care about.
Please help.