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Q: virgin can't keep erection
asked by: Pacman on May 19th, 2008
New User
Hello there.

Im an 18 year old male with some big worries. I'm still a virgin and just cannot seem to be able to go that final step.

The first time I experienced this problem was when I was 17, I got really really drunk and ended up with a girl in bed. I couldnt get hard at all and blamed it on the alcohol. The second time I was with my girlfriend about a year ago and drunk again and had the same problem. This time I was pretty annoyed about it as it had happened twice now, I knew it was just nerves.

Then months later I was with my girlfriend all alone and things were going great, we were both sober and I managed to get hard. But she is also a virgin and when I tried to penetrate she said it was very painful, so I stopped.

We left it for a little while, and a couple of months ago we celebrated 1 year together. However very recently we tried again to have sex. I took my time and spent about 30-45 minutes on foreplay. I didnt feel as nervous as I used to be. I was all ready and so was she. I put the condom on and began penetrating but found it quite difficult getting in, I was fumbling a bit. She was very aroused so that wasnt the problem, but then my penis starting going soft again. After a few attempts I got an erection and tried to penetrate again, I got a little way in then went soft again. We gave up eventually and now I dont know what to do.

I really want to try again but at the same time dont want to keep doing the same thing. My girlfriend says not to worry about it, she is understanding but also quite nervous too. I have read a lot on the internet about this type of thing but would like some specific help. I went to my doctor after the second time and he said it was psychological. Can anyone give me advice on how to overcome this? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I know I have to just relax and stuff but I didnt feel particularly nervous this last time.

Thanks.
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Replies(9)
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worrywart01
replied on May 22nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
all i can say is dont drink alcohol, that makes it much harder to get/stay hard because it makes you less sensitive so any sort of stimulation she gives you to help out isn't gonna do much, maybe you should try a thinner condom? is it that the condom is too think so you aren't feeling much? also if you keep having problems there are rings out there that you can buy and you put it on the shaft and it keeps the blood in the penis which keeps your erection, but...i dont know how comfortable/uncomfortable those are...also, maybe you should ask her for alittle help if you start goin soft..so it sorta takes the pressure off of you
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Pacman
replied on May 23rd, 2008
New User
Thanks for the advice. I think the condom is too thick yeah, I cant remember exactly but I think I bought Durex extra safe. I will go for thinner ones and try that out.
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tryin23
replied on May 28th, 2008
New User
i am going through a similar problem. only difference is my dick only seems to do this with girls i care about. i'll be 23 in less than a month, i'm not a virgin, though i don't claim much experience. up until my last girlfriend i had sex with 3 others, but they weren't anything more than a fun night. everyhting went off without a hitch. i met my old girlfriend and we tried to have sex about 3 weeks into the relationship and i got going, getting it up is never a problem for me, but when the time comes to make use of my penis, i couldn't. it was after a party and i blamed the alcohol. so we tried the next night with the same result. we didn't last much longer after that. but then, at another party, i got a blow job from what i'm ashamed to say was an ugly fat chick. but my dick worked no problem, note that i was incredibly drunk as well. that was the last action i got before i met the girl i'm with now and have been for the past 7 months, we've tried 3 times, each time ends with the same result. i don't know the problem. i get hard as a rock from her so much as touching me sometimes like on the couch or something, but then it's like the closer i get to intercourse, the softer i get. i have tried to shorten up foreplay to help but so far no luck. the second time i got close, but didn't get in on the first try and then i immediately went soft. PLEASE HELP
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tryin23
replied on May 28th, 2008
New User
i should add that everytime we've tried we were sober. and i say three times because those are the times when intercourse was def supposed to happen. other times i played it off because i could feel myself limp and opted out by just making her orgasm by giving her oral. this is killing me and i'm scared if it continues i might eventually lose her. i talked about it and she promised she will see me through this so that's comforting, but i know it hurts her and she is convinced that it's her fault
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marvel
replied on May 29th, 2008
Supporter
It's total performance anxiety. Talk about it thoroughly... make sure you trust each other so there's nothing to worry about. She has said that she'll keep trying with you, right? You have nothing to worry about.. just make sure you both really trust each other before it happens!
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tryin23
replied on June 1st, 2008
New User
so yesterday afternoon me and my girl finally got it done! i am so relieved, but i think this may still be a problem, but i'm def coming out of it. umm pacman, what worked for me was having her perform oral but making sure i could see it, instead of with the lights off or something. the visual was just too much and i was up in a sec. goodluck!
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david_LCC
replied on September 15th, 2008
New User
Yes I have exactly the same problem. Is this something you can get over with repeated exposure to sex? I really love my girl and would like to make love to her. One thing I notice like the previous person who posted was that I get good erections masturbating to porn only and is position independent, and I can keep it up for quite a while. I have alot of trouble masturbating to my imagination however. I am sure it's all psychological, but is there some sort of solution to this problem?
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kranter123
replied on September 26th, 2008
New User
I can get erections fairly easily whatever I'm doing with my girlfriend, but the problem is they are at peak hardness for about 5 seconds and then immediately start to go down. I can keep it fairly hard but not hard enough indefinitely. But in order to get it hard enough for penetration I need stimulation and then I have about 5 seconds to get it in otherwise it'll be too soft.

I don't really understand. I have the same problem masturbating at home. With constant stimulation my dick is always at good hardness level. As soon as I stop masturbating it starts to soften in about 5 seconds.

Anyone with similar problems/suggestions? I've been thinking about buying a penis ring but I'd rather just solve it on my own. Also I think my girlfriend will think it's weird.
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Andthisonesforu
replied on October 13th, 2008
New User
i am in the same boat.
i dont know how or why. but i can get a erection if a girl even looks at me in a sexual way....

for some reason only sex itself makes me nervous and gives me performance anxirty, that i can never keep an erection...

ive had oral, and ive been with a couple girls. all of which i was able to hold and use erections with everything but sex.

it seems like if i do luckily get an erection i lose it right as im about to insert.... my performance anxiety kicks in and im a mess...
oral sex can bring me back, but not for long. as soon as im inside, and on the job, i get nervous again. and lose my erection....

ive tried all sorts of condoms, and even without.. and i dont think my girlfriend can do this for much more...
ANY ADVICE.... please.... i need to overcome this anxiety
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