Once again I find myself at the cross roads with my BPD wife and I could really use some advice and support.

We have been together for over four years now and this is both our second marriages. We knew each other from way back but I really had no idea what I was getting into until she moved cross country to start a new life with me. A week after being here she flew into a huge, violent rage over nothing. I am happy to provide more detail about this and other things but I think you get the idea. This is not anything I had ever seen or experienced before but I made the mental decision then that I did indeed love her and although I did not want to save or fix her, I was capable of loving her and supporting her if she truly wanted to change which she said she did repeatedly.

About a year and a half ago I finally left home and told her I would not return until she got help. She did finally see a doctor and was diagnosed as BPD and put on medications (Abilify and Busopherone(sp?)). The next 15 months were great. Not without ups and downs but nothing that another married couple might not go through. Like many, she was happy and stopped taking her medications. Changes were gradual and some not even noticeable until now as I look back. They culminated with her being 100% convinced her daughter was going to die in a car crash and yet another violent outburst aimed at me.

As I discuss this with others, I have found several friends who have gone through similar things with BPD women, which I was not aware of. I have also read many stories here and on other forums. It seems all the stories have two options: either I run and don't look back or stories where people have said in hind-site that the dedicated, unwavering love of a spouse has made a key difference.

Since our latest incident, my BPD wife has decided that I am the problem and her marriage has been horrible, the only solution is for her to move out and get a divorce. I am sure you know from experience, this isn't the first time we've been here and if we stay together, it won;t be the last. This time, she has found an apartment and put down a deposit.

I know I have the strength, love and patience to stick this out even if it never changes but the one thing I cannot handle is me and her marriage taking the fall at each sign of trouble. I cannot be the man she needs me to be if I worry that we are one argument from a divorce even though I am 110% sure that is the last thing she wants (I hate you, don't leave). But after an event, she rarely, if ever apologizes and I know for a fact that she will not lift a finger or say a word to stop a divorce, even if the thought of losing me is killing her inside.

So for those of you out there that credit a loving spouse never giving up as part of your success, what would have worked for you under these circumstances? Know that I have tried very hard to walk that delicate balance between loving her and not enabling her and that isn't easy.

It's so tiring to have 15 months (out of a 4 year relationship) where things were going smoothly then to have all of that progress undone and be back at what seems like square 1...she is such a wonderful soul yet seems bound and determined to make sure that no one is ever able to love her. But I do.