sounds like u have rapid cycling... which i think i might have also. ask dr. about that. keep doing the best you can do and remember, you are sick! you have a disorder and it's not your fault. i've been on the brink of 'doing something stupid', too. i understand. my thoughts are with you.

PM me anytime!
xoxo

Thank you so much.

I truely appreciate the support.

The statement of "and remember, you are sick!"...almost drives me to tears...

I think I have said this a few times on the forums...call it verbal diareah...call it affirmation that things COULD and should get better...and it's a most definate confirmation of it being an illness...

Beforeh the orthopedic correction and guidance with my feet and knees, it used to be a huge effort, not to mention physical pain, to stand and/or walk long distances. Now that it has been "corrected", by just merely showing me what is "normal", and no real effort from my side to implement the change, it is no effort what so ever. I can stand and walk for way longer than I used to and the only real pain I feel is from muscle fatigue and not chondromalatia and/or joint pain.

I feel that the same can be said for my mental state of mind. I firmly believe that it should not be so difficult for me to cope with my feelings and emotions and that I should not be feeling the way I do. Sure, it's going to take medication, just as I need to wear orthopedic inserts in my shoes and go to a biokinetichs centre for life but still.

Although these facts all make sense...untill such time as I can get help to be normal, my mind just simply does not see it as reality. The help and support I get from this forum will most definately pull me through. My family unfortunately does not see my problems as an illness...they see it rather as a self imposed weakness which is why your words brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you...!

Seraph,

If only this disorder were not an illness and just a lack of motivation to get it into gear and self imposed weakness. Weakness and lack of motivation can be easier dealt with. Finding the right medications and doses is the key to feeling better. There is no hard, fast rule to that problem. Unlike high blood pressure or diabetes medications, the atypical antipsychotics seem to be a bit more fickle. What works for some people doesn't work for others. It comes down to trial and error.
Let your doctor know how you are feeling. Email is a great way to update the doctor without feeling like you may be interrupting something. Ask if this would be an acceptable way to communicate. Many docs will offer an email specifically for this purpose.

I wish I had the right words to tell you. Living when you feel so up and down is hellacious. Right down your moods. There are mood charts you can get online (just google it). They will help you put your moods into categories and degrees of the mood. This can be very beneficial to you and the doctor. Give it a try. The doctor can get a good feel for how you are doing on a medication. It allows you to keep track as well. All the days seem to run together and you forget from one day to the next. The charts can be quick and easy.

Hang in there. If things get to bad you can pm me. I check back often. Don't let it get to bad before you reach out. We are here for you. Hugs.

I've been meaning to setup a Joomla page for my self on the web (Good point as well...shrink can access it via the web, haven't really registered that I would be able to show it to her and assist in the process ).

But untill then, I should really either get a package online as you suggest or at least do it in .xls format.

I know all too well how fuzzy the medications can be...hopefully I will find at least some form of relief with new medication. At this point, anything is better...

Thanks

( p.s. once again, just my state of mind, but now I'm starting to feel guilty over all the support from you guys. Thanks a mill )

Seraph, you are too silly! We come here to find support and offer it. I don't get to work anymore because my sons with bpd need too much time. I feel like I can offer something as a nurse to people here. I learn tons from everyone here. It works because you give and you get. Take all you need. You are worth it and you deserve a place to vent. Let us know how you are doing!

I know...

Unfortunately unnecessary guilt is a very real part of my problem.

I saw the Psychiatrist today and she doubled my prescription along with giving me anti-anxiety and sleeping pills.

Turns out...I also have a social-phobia that I don't admit to...but seeing as it's not "debilitating enough", my classification is as BP 2.

The session was really hard on me as I walked out with a major headache.

Will have to see how things goes with the new meds.

Just curious, what are your new meds?
Count your blessings that you are BPII. This just means your cycles are not as severe or frequent as those experienced with BPI. This by no means diminishes or decreases the seriousness of your disorder. Does this mean the doctor doesn't think you qualify for any disability? Don't take no for an answer. Keep at it.

Social phobia is frequently a comorbid diagnosis with bpd. So is anxiety. These things all seem to interconnect and overlap. Once you become more stable many of these issue should improve.

Let us know how you do with the meds. and how you are feeling. Hugs. Hope the headache is better!

40 mg Floxitine, Urbanol & Zopiclone

I don't know what they are supposed to do...but so far (touch wood) I am kinda seeing a bit of improvement. It's like my emotions don't have control over me any more.

What they say about the Zopiclone is true tho...constantly have this nasty metallic after taste in my mouth...yech...but it's worth it

My moods is still under control, but my Anxiety is SKY HIGH...I keep on wanting to hyperventilate...I am having hot flushes...itchiness...dullness in my head and it just seems to keep on growing.

For a moment this morning I had no Anxiety at all and in it's absence, I realised that I have been suffering from anxiety CONSTANTLY! That is sooo wierd...

For about two hours I was in total bliss thinking "Good God!...This is truely how I should and want to feel"...but all good things comes to an end I suppose...

The psychologist was gob-smacked to hear I was never placed on Ritilan as a child o.0

ADHD???? 0.o'

My mood stability is dwindling...I am supposed to take 2x Urbanol daily...but I forgot it at home ... pissed off at my self for this.

The weirdness of it is tho...isn't it the Floxitine's job to manage my mood...or do I have it all wrong?

I felt so much better this morning and now that I feel so bad again I just want to cry!!

So last night on my way home, I felt like total utter doggy poo-poo. Got home, drank the pil (I am still pised of for forgetting at home) and an hour later...all better.

Then, this morning for abouts 2 hours (Which is the absorption rate according to leaflet) was feeling once again like horse poo-poo...let alone doggy poo-poo. And two hours later, lo-and behold...WHOOO HOO!!

Two things that worry me tho...

1. The Anxiety remains...constant hyperventilation/nervousness
2. The Urbanol is only supposed to be temporary and only "As needed"...what do I do once the prescription runs out!!

Seraph,

How are you feeling? I am sorry I missed your posts. I hope the anxiety is subsiding. Let us know how it's going.

Doing quite ok...especially given circumstances...

Along with everything else, I have been diagnosed with Marfans...

I don't think it has really sunk in yet...

Anxiety attack in-bound...

Increased breathing, Pain in heart, welling up of emotions...and to make matters worste...I don't know if the chest pain is due to the anxiety or the possibility of mitril valve prolapse due to increased heart rate...