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verbally abusive when drunk, its not a new problem.

I have been married for just over 3 years, I am 22 and my husband is 30. We are 6 months pregnant with our first baby girl and so excited. My husband has a problem with alcohol, its not a new problem. He drinks almost every night and gets completely wasted every second night, recently it has gotten worse.
He is verbally abusive when drunk, a couple of nights ago he drank a bottle of wine and it went straight to his head. He went to bed and about 1/2 an hour later woke up to go to the toilet, I woke also. He stood up and walked over to the bedroom wall and started relieving himself, I yelled and said 'what are you doing thats not the toilet' he looked around and then walked into the bathroom and finished relieving himself. I was very shocked, this had never happened before. When he came back into the room I asked him to clean it up, he told me to get , I said that I wouldnt be cleaning it, he said that I was to clean it up and if I kept pushing him I would regret it. I left the room and slept on the couch.
When he awoke in the morning he 'didn't remember' which is usually the case. He argued with me saying that I made it up and didnt believe me until I showed him the urine soaked clothes. He told me NEVER to mention it again.

Tonight he went to the pub after work, I called in on my way home to see how he was going and one of my friends was there so I stayed and chatted to her for a while. When I was ready to go home I told my husband (by this time he was really drunk)and he pulled me outside, started calling me a stupid b**ch and saying that everyone thought I was stupid for making a scene. I got in the car and he got in as well. He said that I had to go to the store to buy him some smokes, I said ok (I always try really hard to not make him upset, he can be very aggressive). He started saying that I was dumb and mentally impaired. I asked him which shop he wanted me to go to and he didnt even know what I was talking about, which made him more frustrated. I got to the shop and he wouldnt get out to get his smokes, he kept saying that I was going to be arrested for being so stupid, he was so drunk that he wasnt making sense. I drove home and he passed out before we got there. When we arrived I woke him up but he wouldnt get out of the car so I left him there, he came inside about 10 minutes later and said that I was a dumb sl*t for leaving him there and to stay out of his way or else.

He is not like this when he is sober, he is amazingly wonderful, but as soon as he drinks he turns into a monster, I am 6 months pregnant and I dont want my child to be around him when he is drinking, I just dont want him to drink anymore. I am scared and tired of being put down and having to look after him. How can I fix this, what can I do?
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replied December 8th, 2011
Community Volunteer
Hello verabally abusive,

Your husband is a very sick man. If you have a video camera I want you to video him when he isn't looking save them. I also want you to tape record him when he is drunk, the nasty things he says to you and about you. These things has to be done when he isn't aware of it so he won't hurt you. I strongly suggest you start saving some money secrectly and start preparing to leave him. I would suggest you not have the baby around him, if he doesn't remember relieving himself againist the wall, mistaking it for the toilet, he may not remember hurting you or your child. This man is putting you under alot of stress and this could have a profound affect on your health and that of your unborn child. The next time he gets that drunk, just call the police to come and take him to jail and tell them you fear for the safety of your life and that of your child. Oh and have your friends to record what they see and hear of him abusing you. All of this you will need as proof when you file for divorce, which you certainly need to do....this guy is a ticking time bomb please get out and don't go back until he admits he has a problem and go to AAA to get help.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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replied March 18th, 2015
Hello there,

I am really sorry to hear that you are with suck kind of man. Unfortunately, my fiance has the same problem too or even much worse. I was so much scared of him so that I am not staying with him now. Its been a month now. All i know is that im so scared of him and I cannot trust him anymore. Hes a total alcholoc. He promised many times already for the past one and a half year that he would quit drinking whenever he got drunk and crazy the night before. He slapped me and pushed me etc many times already when hes drunk. He never stopped drinking. He drank only three four cans of beer but the next day he coukd start drinking endlessly up to more than ten units of alcohol including whisky, beer, vodka etc easily grabbed from convenience stores. I was especially scared of him when he started drinking non stoppedly. Then he really got crazily crying and being angry on whatever had come across him that day or anything happened in past. I needed to bear speechlessly him as I was so scared of him. He was always expolsive angry on even small things. For example, I was too scared of him even the next day he woke up being sober. I found a chance to go back to my moms place and he kept convincing to come back. I did as I loved him and thought to give him a chance but when I came back he said I had done sth wrong to him ie to have left him alone then he punished me by slapping me when hes drinking and at the same time being angry. I was so stupid that it happened many times when I was convinced by him that he wouldnt touch a drop of alcohol if he did he said I could leave him. Same thing happened. The day I came back he started drinking and forced me to accept him at least two three cans. I was forced to accept if not he said he would make a scene but after two three cans he drank more and more and got crazy shouting at me threatening me by saying killing me and my family if once I left him. He threatened me a lot by saying and pointing at my head with a gun gesture when hes drunk. The next day he got up and acted normal but I cried silently on my pilliow facing the wall. He knew me crying and I turned to him to beg him not to drink anymore. He did pronised but same crazy things happened again two days later. This kind of life has been tortiring me for so long with the frequency of it on two to three day basis. This time im too too scared of him that he would revenege by slapping me more even though he said he wouldnt as he loves me still he wants me back. I m even scared of him killing me as he threatened me as always. . I was every sec scared of him and even now. Hes a !**@! and he called himself a devil too being drunk. I cannot trust him and let him slap me again. He even was going to marry me two days after the craxy incident. I left before that as I was too scared of him. He even promised he would quit drinking totally after marriage. I didnt believe much. Im still very upset and in fear with him even hes not with him. But he knows my everything. Not sure he woukd really do it or just said it as a defense mechanism. Im too sad to have fully loved someone whos a alcoholic with severe psychological problems. I even lent all my savings and my moms and borrowed loans from banks foe him to him when he pushed us to when being drunk. Im now too down and am scared of him too scared. He made my life so miserable and also my whole familys. Sad
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replied March 18th, 2015
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