Cynical, intelligent, shy, military otaku, misanthropical, miserable, pervert, neotenous, notorious, widely hated, rebellious

Anime, Music, Japan, Hurling, Military Strategy, Diplomacy (game), Reading, Writing

I love Gundam

Techno

Artemis Fowl series

War films

Social activist at http://www.youtube.com/user/methenium

I was born in a tiny townland. There were 20 or so inhabitants and the peace, quiet and scenery were incredible. I still remember my first day of school. Playschool. Scared to death. Trips to Cork city were incredible. Culture, technology and fantastic music were there in abundance and I still love all three and the city itself. At age 5 I entered Junior Infants. The teacher was a tall redhaired woman, very nice and kinda cute too. At age 6 into Senior Infants and I saw my first ever sports event in the flesh. Age 7 was the most defining in my life. I saw Star Wars Episode I and in Cartoon Network magazine I saw advertisements for Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. After a month or so of anticipation I saw it and it was the first anime I ever saw, Just Communication the song that got me into J-Pop. Also, I got into 1st class. The second half of age 8 was awful. My mother's back was severely injured in a car crash and in an unrelated decision we moved to a town. From a townland of 20 to a town of 3000. I was horrified and rightly so. As if being bullied by my own classmates wasn't enough in the town we moved to the boys were cruel to outsiders and I was picked on for my hair. Feckers, nobody gets picked on for their eye colour or other things they were born with so why hair? I was almost killed by a crazy little girl with a knife. At 9 everything had changed. Bush took power, the Twin Towers were bombed and war was declared. At this point I was far from home in a cruel town filled with idiots and jerks, I couldn't hear music I liked because it was out of fashion and was constantly bullied for something I couldn't control. Mocked, hit. There weren't a few jerks in my school there were dozens. As the years went on things didn't get better. At 11 I was forced into the Scouts which I HATED. The scouthall was filthy, I'm useless at physical activity and I was bullied there too. [spoiler]At 12 I noticed strange things were happening at school. I discovered what. I discovered that the teachers were talking about me behind my back for months but in the same room as me. That was awful. I trusted these people and they betrayed me. Worse yet, I had been hearing about the difficulties, rarity and stigma that comes with mental illness. I was sent to this place to be tested. Test after test after test. I felt humiliated. Like a labrat. Worse yet the journeys there and back were horribly long and in school I had to go to a Special Needs Teacher even though I'm not disabled or handicapped and to be considered on that level for so long without even knowing it made the discovery so painful. After all that I then found out that I was mentally ill. An outcast in my own country. My parents knew, the teachers knew and the psychologists knew and nobody told me this for a year and a half. For half a year I had to attend classes in that horrible place, a confined space where my torturers worked and I had to talk to and listen to 15 or so people I didn't know all in the same room and face a two-hour journey there and back. 2 years of psychological abuse. Why me? I thought. I snapped. I lost my faith, the will to live and the will to go outside at all. For 6 months I just stayed in my room feeling cold and infinitely miserable and reading the same miserable book and I couldn't watch anime or do many things I liked when I was young because I had nothing that enabled me to do them. I masturbated and drew sexy women to relieve the agony but it was never enough. Then one day the sun came out and all of a sudden I felt happy. Why? The sun had came out plenty of times in the 6 months but never made me happy. For the first time in half a year I didn't have a severe cold and I was happy. I didn't understand it and I still don't. I regained my faith and began leaving my room more frequently and didn't have a severe cold every day.[/spoiler] I returned to school at the start of First Year. The school was 60% not townie and so I didn't get picked on for being from the country, virtually all of the dozens of bullies were in another secondary school and the remainder had reformed. At 14 something incredible happened. We got broadband. I gathered knowledge like crazy about anime and cartoons I had seen before and it felt like the old days were back. I saw Gundam Wing again and all the memories flooded back of the good old days. In a magical period from then until 2008 I was a Gundam otaku and that helped to ease a lot of the psychological damage. I wasn't going to believe in anything without proof so I rediscovered philosophy bit by bit. Today I still am psychologically damaged and can't do so many things I did before and there is so much hatred on the internet and I've been bullied on the internet nearly since I started using broadband. My parents have been too pushy and unloving. On the upside my intelligence has multiplied a huge amount, I don't want to kill myself anymore and I soon will have the sort of job I always wanted so although things look bad for me now they will get better. Please, no sympathy. I want to move on from the abuse as much as possible and concentrate for the first time of my life on the positive. Abuse is abuse whether rape, beatrings, torture, emotional or psychological I have read up and they are all similar in terms of the damage they cause and there's no cure but the key is to stay brave and get it off of your chest. Have a Nice Day! Sioraf