Hello, im 18 years old and will be turning 19 in 7 days... For my birthday all i want is to be healthy minded, so let me tell you my story and hopfully someone can relate or have the answer im looking for. I have a destructive addictive personality, and all this began when i was about 14, i started playing video games ALLOT, i was addicted, after a while i began noticing a change in my mental health, everything was different, like my life was a movie, nothing felt real, i was staying up to 4am on a regular basis, and sleeping in really late... The years went on and i put computer games behind me and it is no longer an issue, what i did end up doing was trading my addiction to ciggerets and pot, i smoke weed everyday, i dont freak out when i dont have it i just preffer to alwayse have some, not really an addiction just a seroius hobby, when this started, i changed allot, i went from playing runescape all day and night to partying with the big dogs, selling drugs and dressing like a gangster, more years went on and symptoms elevated, heres where my problem is, sex is a big part of my life, when i was 12 i discoverd my penis could be used for more than urinating and i used ALLOT, when i starting jerkin it was only maybe once a week, and this elevated more and more over time until
Sometimes i would jerk it 5 times in a day, and too this day i engage myself sexually by myself and ofcourse with other females. This is where im going to explain things the best i can, and hopfully you will understand, my childhood was never good, was picked on in school, and too top it off my mother married a drunk wife beater jerk, yay... Everytime she got beat up we would move around but alwayse ended up living back with the guy, i have to half sisters, 7 and 8 years old, my oldest sister was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis... This didnt help... Bad disease. Anyways, when i was 17 i left my moms and moved in with my dad and his family, when this happened i was cut off from marijuana and tobbaco, about 1.5 weeks went by... I lost weight, felt happy, and everything was normal, before this i had absalutely no energy and was tired 100% of the time, but when i was living there i was never tired, had no anxiety, and i was a smarter, nicer person, it felt great, i ended up moving back with my mom and fell back into my old life style, after about a month of living there the symptoms came back with a VENGENCE. You guys have to understand that i feel like im dying inside mentally and physically and i just want to be free, so much, that i quit smoking pot and tobbaco for 30 days, but this time nothing happend, the same depressing feeling of fatigue and emptiness, i lost faith and began smoking again, and im left with the idea that quitting both these habits triggerd and underlining problem that im unaware of? Possibly my body went into a shock and kick started me, or perhaps i stopped masturbating, i do remember never watching porn or jerking it, i was free of all addictions, so im left thinking that possibly my problem is sitting between my legs... A hormonel inbalance or some crap, if this helps, cocaine does nothing for me, i can snort a gram and roll over feeling a little weird and pass out, its pretty strange, i almost never do coke but when i have its done nothing for me while my friends are all tweaked out, im not an ugly person, i like to think im a good looking guy, and i do believe i have the ability to be great and do great things, im sn intelligent person when im free of this feeling, i need help people, i hope you didnt see how long this post is and click away... Thanks for reading and please any advice is good advice at this point....
Your young, do not jerk it too much. It will mess around with your balls and endocrine system when your older.
Also you might come across as a creep to others if your thinking about sex too much. Animals dont even jerk off.
Why do you want to stop the drugs? your not ready yet. If you were it would naturally stop itself. Do it so much until you get disgusted with yourself. Thats the only way. Or until you kill yourself. No one in this world cares for you like you care for yourself. Have some respect to yourself and try to live a happy life. The depression will slowly go away. You need to give it 1 YEAR. You have damaged yourself. The good news is you are young and can heal very good.
It would be good to get professional help..if at all possiable for you. Do you have health insurance? Try and see what services are out there Victory Out reach also has a help program..I think it is free..look them up. You'll be fine just keep trying to do better for yourself and those who love you. You are loved and you are IMPORTANT!