Hello, im 18 years old and will be turning 19 in 7 days... For my birthday all i want is to be healthy minded, so let me tell you my story and hopfully someone can relate or have the answer im looking for. I have a destructive addictive personality, and all this began when i was about 14, i started playing video games ALLOT, i was addicted, after a while i began noticing a change in my mental health, everything was different, like my life was a movie, nothing felt real, i was staying up to 4am on a regular basis, and sleeping in really late... The years went on and i put computer games behind me and it is no longer an issue, what i did end up doing was trading my addiction to ciggerets and pot, i smoke weed everyday, i dont freak out when i dont have it i just preffer to alwayse have some, not really an addiction just a seroius hobby, when this started, i changed allot, i went from playing runescape all day and night to partying with the big dogs, selling drugs and dressing like a gangster, more years went on and symptoms elevated, heres where my problem is, sex is a big part of my life, when i was 12 i discoverd my penis could be used for more than urinating and i used ALLOT, when i starting jerkin it was only maybe once a week, and this elevated more and more over time until
Sometimes i would jerk it 5 times in a day, and too this day i engage myself sexually by myself and ofcourse with other females. This is where im going to explain things the best i can, and hopfully you will understand, my childhood was never good, was picked on in school, and too top it off my mother married a drunk wife beater jerk, yay... Everytime she got beat up we would move around but alwayse ended up living back with the guy, i have to half sisters, 7 and 8 years old, my oldest sister was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis... This didnt help... Bad disease. Anyways, when i was 17 i left my moms and moved in with my dad and his family, when this happened i was cut off from marijuana and tobbaco, about 1.5 weeks went by... I lost weight, felt happy, and everything was normal, before this i had absalutely no energy and was tired 100% of the time, but when i was living there i was never tired, had no anxiety, and i was a smarter, nicer person, it felt great, i ended up moving back with my mom and fell back into my old life style, after about a month of living there the symptoms came back with a VENGENCE. You guys have to understand that i feel like im dying inside mentally and physically and i just want to be free, so much, that i quit smoking pot and tobbaco for 30 days, but this time nothing happend, the same depressing feeling of fatigue and emptiness, i lost faith and began smoking again, and im left with the idea that quitting both these habits triggerd and underlining problem that im unaware of? Possibly my body went into a shock and kick started me, or perhaps i stopped masturbating, i do remember never watching porn or jerking it, i was free of all addictions, so im left thinking that possibly my problem is sitting between my legs... A hormonel inbalance or some crap, if this helps, cocaine does nothing for me, i can snort a gram and roll over feeling a little weird and pass out, its pretty strange, i almost never do coke but when i have its done nothing for me while my friends are all tweaked out, im not an ugly person, i like to think im a good looking guy, and i do believe i have the ability to be great and do great things, im sn intelligent person when im free of this feeling, i need help people, i hope you didnt see how long this post is and click away... Thanks for reading and please any advice is good advice at this point....
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