Womens Chat Forum - Upset/Father Dying

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Q: Upset/Father Dying

asked by: Rosie H on May 20th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

I’m so confused. I’m not sure what to do with my life or where I’m supposed to be. My family and I planned on moving to Colorado from AZ in a month ½. I will be leaving my mom and dad along with my siblings. I’m torn about that because I will miss them all. But I know that I need to take care of myself and focus on my child and husband. Instead of caring for my mother and everyone else. The move would be good for us.

Well yesterday my father called Daniel. Daniel says it was as if he was asking him man to man not to take me. If he was then he wanted to make sure he took care of me after he died. He told him that he’s really sick and closer to dying than we think. He and his doctor don’t have anything else they can do. He has tried all the treatments. Nothing worked. Now he just waits until he A) Dies or B) Gets a new liver. ----my dad has end stage cirrhosis and hepatic C

My dad never told me his condition was this bad to where he’s asking my husband to not take me away and that he would like to die with me and his grandson here. Daniel said after that he had 2nd thoughts of leaving; now I do to.

I’ve always known that he was gonna die sooner than we thought. We found out about his liver in 05. I just knew that by 50 he would be leaving me. He’s 49. I just don’t want to leave him alone if he’s really gonna pass. I want to take care of him in his last days you know? I’m his only child. He’s not married or has a steady GF. He doesn’t get along with his mother/family. He would be alone. I just want to do the right thing. I feel I have much time for my life you know? But he doesn’t.

I have never been faced with death like this. Waiting for it to take someone you love. I have only lost my grandpa. But God took him quickly. One minute he was there and the next he was gone. This is so slow. I guess I just need someone to talk to.

Replies(5)

rascal13

replied on May 21st, 2009

New User

I am so sorry that you must make this decision. Wow... I couldn't imagine it if I was in this position. I have a very close relationship with my father also. I do know that if I was in a situation like this, I would want to be there with him in his last days, especially if he had no one else.

He has basically already told you, without actually telling you, what he wants. He wishes for his only daughter and only grandson to be with him during this. I read a couple of your other posts and it appears as though you are moving quite far away. I know how difficult it would be to cancel all the plans you have made, so maybe you could just visit as often as possible.

I'm not trying to sound as if I know what this is like, but I do know that if I was in his position it would make me feel so loved and so much better to know that my son or daughter and his family would be there with me in the end.

Anyway, through reading some of your posts, I think you are a very strong person who will make the right decision. I wish the best for you and your family.

-Sidney

Rosie H

replied on May 21st, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

thanks for that sweet reply. I love my dad so much. He has been the rock in my life when I had no one else. We are having a pool party this weekend. Us leaving has prompted him to spend time with me. Since I left home @ 19 he hasnt made much effort. He always cancelled plans and didnt really visit. We really wont see less of eachother once I move. We might see eachother more. We even live 4 block away from eachother and he has never come to see my new house.

But anyway. We have decided to go. I have to go. For myself and family. We have talked since then and its not as grave as it sounded when I 1st found out. They say he has a year or 2 left, in that time i hope he will come live with me up there. Daniel supports me though. If I need to be w/my father we will be. I love him so much and I wish it wasnt so far away. It just feels like I need to do something for my family.

check out my post about my mom....i have to get away from her. i am so messed up from her.

kdlee

replied on May 25th, 2009

Supporter

Hi Hon

I just read your post..My mom passed away four years ago with autoimmune cirroshis of the liver and hepatitis c..It took 3 years from the time we moved back to our home state for mom to pass..During that time she and I became somewhat friends..Keep in mind my mom and I were not close until she became terminal..My mom was a bitter angry woman adn I stayed away from her..But, once I learned she was terminal I wanted to know her before it was too late..

You can only do so much for your dad and keep your distance from your mom..At the same time your husband and son need you and they need you as whole as possible..I know your mom cuts you down and that hurts..

Your dad never really made an effort you said..My mom never did either..She would get my hopes up that she would visit and then dash those hopes saying she needed a new chair or dining room set more..

I am glad I gave to her until the end but had my dad been like your mom is right now I don't think I could have gone through with being with her..

There is something to be said in saving your psyche, marriage and child from harm..Maybe your dad will come and visit you more and in that time you can get your life stronger..

I was glad to read you all will be moving..You will get stronger with your dad and in the end I think oyu will be happier..I missed my sisters and brother when I was gone but am glad I had my husband and son as well..

Rosie H

replied on May 27th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

tThanks so much for your reply.

Sorry to hear about your mom, it must have been an emotional roller coaster for you. At lease you were able to make peace with her. I’m confused at times and extremely fearful. I have never been away from my mom or siblings. I have taken care of them my entire life. When I think of not being able to stop by for a visit when I want to, I almost panic. I will miss them so much. I have 4 bros & 1 sis. It’s like there will be a great big hole where they used to be. I know it will take me a long time to get used to not having them around. I will call them and visit as much as possible. They can come up for breaks and summers. I will miss them growing up. I know I sound like their mother. It’s a hard habit to break.

Its what I need. I have to let them grow up. And I have to focus on raising my own child. And making sure my home is happy. Once I think of that all the fear goes away.

My dad understands. He doesn’t want me to go but he sees how much it will help me. I will miss him. But he will visit and we will talk on the phone. We spent Sat together w/the family. It was awesome. He got tired real fast though. You can tell he’s getting worse.

I haven’t spoken to my mom since that night. It hurts me so bad. She said I wasn’t allowed at her house. I’m so used to having them there. My bros have been stopping by to see me so it’s not to bad. But she doesn’t even want to talk to me, because of money. Oh well. Its best I face reality anyway.

Well I vented long enough…lol. Thanks for listening!

kdlee

replied on May 27th, 2009

Supporter

Honey I understand

Hopefully someday your mom and you can have peace as well..I am glad you are moving forward it will be hard no doubt but thankfully you have your husband and your own baby to raise..God Bless-cover them with prayer and keep moving forward..

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