Teen Pregnancy Forum - unsure about abortion

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Q: unsure about abortion

asked by: CandyCat on October 16th, 2008

New User

ok.... Im 18 and found out i was pregnant about 3 weeks ago, i thought i was only about 9 weeks gone at the most but after going to a clinic yesterday to take the abortion pill of which i was sure at the time i wanted to do the nurse did a scan and found out i was 13 weeks and therefore do not have the option to take the pill anymore but have to go to another clinic to have a surgical abortion.
I there after arranged another apointment for next wednesday to have this done.

After coming home last night with all the paper work i noticed the nurse had put my scan pictures from that day in with my notes and since i have not been able to stop looking at them and after reading about the procedure i will be going through and whats going to happen to the baby growing inside me it has made me think again about wheather i want to have it aborted.

I was so sure before i was not going to keep it as im only 18 and dont feel like im ready to take on a baby plus as a single mother, i recently broke up with the father as i found out he was cheating on me and i want nothing to do with him anymore. Also i have just started a course at college in media which is a 2 year course that i would like to continue with.

I have told both my parents and a few of my close friends and they all think its proberly best to go ahead with the abortion, i know it would proberly be for the best but i cant stop thinking about what it would be like if i kept it and how much i could love it and wouldnt want anything to hurt it.

Im really confused and unsure of what i should do! :s

Replies(17)

manuftw82

replied on October 16th, 2008

Supporter

If you have any doubts in your mind I would say to not get the abortion done because this could emotionally scar you and leave you wondering 'what if' for the rest of your life.

AyaMiyaki

replied on October 16th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

You have a third option available to you. If you don't feel that abortion is right for you but also don't feel like the time is right to be a parent, you can look into adoption. From your words it sounds like you're from the UK, so I would suggest looking into your local agencies or looking up some information online about adoption options in your area.

Good luck.

Milan

replied on October 17th, 2008

Experienced User

Re: unsure about abortion

CandyCat wrote:

I have told both my parents and a few of my close friends and they all think its proberly best to go ahead with the abortion, i know it would proberly be for the best but i cant stop thinking about what it would be like if i kept it and how much i could love it

Sounds more to me like you're lonely and think that a baby will fill the void. You need to do some soul searching. You are also still dealing with the emotional pain of being cheated on, so a lot of your emotions are still very fragile, and will continue to be for some time. Having a baby won't solve any of lifes issues, and logically your close friends and your parents are correct. You'd be miles ahead if you just waiting until you were more financially stable on your own. You can always have a baby later in life at a time when there are no doubts. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

kyrafaith

replied on October 17th, 2008

Supporter

I am in your same boat hun. I am 18 and 8 months pregnant. I am in a 2 year program at school. I am not going to make it look all glamourus, yes it is rough. My babys dad and I broke up when he found out what we'd done ,and I was so worried about it. I believe that if you are having second thoughts about the pregnancy you should go ahead and keep the baby. During pregnancy you will have time to think about whether you want to keep it or give it to another couple for adoption but at least it gives you time without making a rash decision. If you love this child as much as you say you already do, then you should go ahead and let it be born. You might just enrich someone elses life, or if you keep it then you will see it can be rewarding. I just know that everytime I feel my little boy kick, I did the right thing keeping him even though I was afraid of being a single mother.

worriedauzzi

replied on October 18th, 2008

Experienced User

If you are unsure then don't go through with it!

jessamyn

replied on October 19th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

ultimately as an adult no matter what any of us say, the choice is still yours. First and foremost the clinic should not have given you any pictures as abortion clinics arent even suppose to show you the ultrasound screen let alone pictures to keep. You need to outline the factor of if you able to go thru with the process of abortion vs being able to raise a child since you can actually raise a child whether or not you think you are ready yet. Do you WANT to be a mother?

worriedauzzi

replied on October 19th, 2008

Experienced User

At the age of 18 I also fell pregnant and went to a clinic and had an abortion before really thinking it through. I had an abortion because I was scared, I was scared my parents, family and friends would not accept me as a teenage mother. My advice to you is if you are having any second thoughts what so ever .. do not go ahead with it. When I went in for my abortion I told the nurse I wasn't sure if I wanted this she talked me into it. It scarred me for may years. I got very depressed thinking about the baby I got rid of. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I stayed with the guy and we have recently had a baby. I feel like my daughter is the baby I gave up many years back. Honestly every day I walk around with this hanging over my head, wondering what my baby would of been. If you have any doubts don't make the mistake I did. There's support out there, don't let your family and friends talk you into anything. This is your decision and your body and baby not theirs. Good luck with what ever you decide. Smile

Yes the clinic also gave me print outs ... those images were burnt into my mind until I gave birth to what would of been my second child. Now I am finally past it only because I believe the baby I have now is the baby I should of had at 18 .. as she was born the day of my abortion 4 years back.

Milan

replied on October 19th, 2008

Experienced User

Try to keep everything in prospective. What may have been right for someone elses situation, may not be right at all for you. Don't let fear push you into anything. Anecdotal stories are fine but just remember that anecdotal stories come in every flavor, as everyone is different. If you want to go by the multitude of clinical studies, they show that the overwhelming response to those who had an abortion is the feeling of relief. One of the more extensive studies (Russo NF, Zierk KL. "Abortion, childbearing, and women's well-being." Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 1992, 23: 269-280.) researched over 5,295 women of every age group. They concluded at the end of their eight-year study that the most important predictor of emotional well-being in post-abortion women was their well-being before the abortion. Women who had high self-esteem before an abortion would be most likely to have high self-esteem after an abortion, regardless of how many years passed since the abortion. Just remember the longer you wait the harder your decision will be. Jessamyn brings up a good point, ask yourself if a month ago (before this all happened) if you wanted to become a mother. That should answer a lot of your questions.

AyaMiyaki

replied on October 19th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

And once again, please keep in mind that it's not just abortion or teen motherhood. You can also look into adoption.

daslautlacht

replied on October 19th, 2008

New User

As an expecting teen mother, I feel like whatever decision you make is 100% up to you. However, sometimes adoption can be a lot more "scarring" than abortion, so be careful about that.

Most teen mothers have a rough start but things level out in the end. I personally condone keeping it if you have a lot of support. If not, you are going to have to assess your diligence and integrity to determine whether or not you are capable of being a young mother. You'll know what's best for you after some meditation and talks with your family.

I wish you luck,
Brooke

CandyCat

replied on October 20th, 2008

New User

I have had some time to think bout all the options i have and what would be best and i have decided to not keep it.
I thought about adoption but i really dont think i could go through with it once the baby is born after going through the whole pregnancy and seein it when its born then having to let it go, it would be alot more worse for me to cope with i think.
I think as things are in my life atm its best for me to not keep it as i dont feel id be able to support it or cope myself, i feel it would put so much pressure on everyone in my life as wel as myself as i live with my dad in a small flat so there would be no room for a baby, i do not have a job atm and would like to carry on with college.
I know in the future when i have my own place, a job and more support i would love nothing more then to have a baby but i really dont think its for me at the moment.

Thankyou everyone for your help and advise.

Milan

replied on October 20th, 2008

Experienced User

Glad to hear you've reached your decision. You pointed out some good reasons not to keep it. I wish you the best in all that you do rainbow

Birch

replied on October 20th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Having had an abortion, and talked to people who have had abortions, the absolute number one bit of advice I can give you is that if you have any doubts, absolutely do not do it. Abortion is not always the right choice, it was for me, but it is not for others. This is not only best for your own mental health, but also the last thing legal abortion needs is one more woman who chooses abortion, regrets it later, and fights to make it an illegal procedure.

This is a very serious decision, examine all your options, feelings, morals, etc. carefully before making it. It cannot be undone, and it can be terrible to deal with if it's the wrong decision for you.

Birch

replied on October 20th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

jessamyn wrote:

In some states that is the law.

I have no problem with it - if women change their mind based on an US picture then abortion was not the right choice for them.

cuz

replied on November 6th, 2008

New User

please tell me if you had the abortion, i will help you if you did not?
praying for you

aochriss

replied on November 15th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Birch wrote:

jessamyn wrote:

In some states that is the law.

I have no problem with it - if women change their mind based on an US picture then abortion was not the right choice for them.

I wonder what they are even looking at in an such an early ultrasound? I have mine from that time and it is just a tiny blob.

kyrafaith

replied on November 15th, 2008

Supporter

if it was a vaginal ultrasound though its a lot closer. i have a vaginal US pic from arounf that time and you can clearly see the babies profile. If it was a topical tho it would probably be small and blob like.

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