I had unprotected anal sex ( I was top, circumscied, with no ejaculation, not long exposure ) with a guy that a month later turned out ot be HIV .....

o.k... I took a test 3 weeks after exposure, came back negative, only to discover that the test at that time doesn't mean a thing. A more indicative, yet not conlusive ( 3 months I know ) test would be at around 8 weeks or 2 months. Tomorrow is that day and I can't stand the anxiety anymore. I had never cried until today but I really broke down... I am supposed to check at 3 months according to the right procedure but I just can't, It feels like it is a ticking bomb that I decide when I want it to explode.

I was o.k until know, I prayed to not develop symptoms like swollen Lymhps and stuff but I have this little feeeling in my groin that feels exactly where the Lymph is found and other thing, I just read that people who have HIV are more propense to have a severe "athlete's feet". I always had small and controlled AF but today I woke up and my feet had red spots I never had before... both feet.... with red spots and a strange feeling when I touch my toes.... can red spots indicate that my body has lost defenses and that the Fungus has been given force to wreak havoc on my feat? It doesn't hurt but it scares me to death, I was instantly depressed and hopeless.

I know it's over, it's life telling me it's time to know. Postponing a test would only lead me to insanity and I just need to make it through the " Positive " message on the internet site of my labs... but it's so daaamn hard....

please don't pity me, I am not the typical forum goer that will come back " yay! negative! ". Unprotected anal sex with a HIV infected guy is as risky as it gets and most of the people I know that have the infection got it on one single, apparently uneventful exposure... I am absolutely screwed.

so I'll have to cope with that my thing is:

How can I calm down about my body?? I really wouldn't mind having HIV that much if I can stay healthy to do my work and have money to get my medical apppointments and medicines but with this feeling on the groin and the screwed up feet I feel like It a matter of time before sometime terrible happens.

can someone please help me??? :(

thanks, thanks a lot.