You clearly want help. Good for you. It takes courage to do the inventory on one's life and recognize things are wrong. You are self medicating by smoking marijuana and drinking. This is a familiar theme with people that suffer with one sort of mental disorder or another. You want to feel better and the drug helps that for a while. Bipolar disorder is frequently known to cause rapidly firing thoughts. Marijuana does slow down the firing of thoughts. It makes sense that using this drug to medicate works for you. Marijuana, with long term use, can lead to emphysema and other psychological problems. While prescription medications have side effects that are undesirable there is one strong argument for the use of them - they are legal with a doctor's prescription and the dose is carefully regulated and precise. Street drugs are adulterated and there is an unknown factor that surrounds the content of the drug. You do not know for sure what has been added to the drug that may cause harm or be potentially lethal. For those reasons using street drugs to treat an underlying disorder is potentially dangerous and may lead to legal troubles. Treatment with a professional is the better choice.

You speak of your social isolation. This is, also, a common theme with those that suffer with bipolar disorder. Mood shifts can cause irritable moods. Some people experience rages. These behaviors lead to social isolation. Depression causes one to feel unmotivated, unable to carry on with the activities of daily life and renders one hopeless and helpless. Getting out of bed is a huge ordeal. These episodes are destructive as they make going to work or school impossible for the person. Job loss is common in people that suffer from chronic, untreated depression. It can be life threatening. Suicide rates are high in those that have a depressive disorder or bipolar disorder and remain untreated.

You want to maintain your relationship with your girlfriend. Treatment can help ensure that you are able to do that. Finding a psychologist and a psychiatrist for treatment is optimal. Medication can help to get the moods swings under control and make your moods a bit more even. Therapy can provide you with the tools to help you cope. You can not cure or fix bipolar disorder. All you can do is manage the disorder. You can learn new ways to behave with some guidance. This is a disorder that is a life long struggle. Until science and medicine come up with other modalities of treatment we are stuck with medications and therapy. The medications can bring some level of stability. That is worth a lot!

Yes, you are likely to pass on the genetic predisposition for bipolar disorder to your children. I do not have bipolar disorder but it is in my family. My husband is cyclothymic - mild form of bipolar disorder and has bipolar disorder in his family. Guess what? We have 2 children that have bipolar disorder. That is a raw deal but we are helping our boys to learn to live with the disorder and how to cope with the emotional lability that accompanies the disorder. Life can be truly difficult for all of us but it is manageable.

Getting treatment can bring hope to you. You don't have to live with the constant flux of your moods. You deserve to feel better. I don't know if you suffer from bipolar disorder. A psychiatrist can evaluate you for this. It is worth a visit to a psychiatrist to find out. Your girl friend should seek help as well. Life feels better when you feel better. I hope you will continue to seek out help. It is worth the effort and expense.

A heads up to antigone's post above. Many people with Bipolar go undiagnosed for many years. I was diagnosed back in 1985 through medication and blood work up. So for me thier was no turning back. It was a positive diagnosis and that was it.
Go have this taken care of even if it is just to ease your own mind. I know now, I am a different person.

Thank you very much antigone. This is the first bit of advice I've ever gotten for my condition, and it's good to know that there's people out there who care. I will seek a psychiatrist and hopefully get on some medication. I've always been pretty anti-therapy, but I may give that a shot as well.

Bravo! You deserve to have a life that is free of depression and mood swings. While medication may bring some stability, therapy can offer you coping skills to help you over the rough spots. I am so glad to hear you will get yourself some help. Let us know how you are. If you need some help or an open ear and heart we are here for you.

I will second this. We are here for you. No need to sweep this disorder under the rug when help is just a phone call away.

Bless You and keep us up-dated

Go see a psychiatrist immediatly. I was going through a very very similar situation (I am also 21) and finally seeing a therapist and then a psychiatrist has truly changed my life for the better. Don't be afraid of trying medicine- I take lamictal which has very few side effects and I have never felt so wonderful in my entire life. I am balanced and happy and can finally socialize like a normal human being. I also recommend finding a good counselor- talk therapy among other kinds of alternative therapy (meditation, yoga, breathing techniques) can be very beneficial. Don't waste another day feeling unstable. It isn't worth it. You truly can feel better- something I would have never believed before seeing a doctor.

Ok, where to start? I don't thing that "getting help" will solve all your problems for you. Even if you had a chemical imbalance, all the world of psychiatry can do is give you a best "guess" about what may be ailing you.

ADHD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD, etc..These are just labels.

You can take that route if you are really curious. And, of course, there is nothing wrong about informing yourself and learning how to treat your chemical imbalance in a specialized way. But,there are natural means that you can improve your health and your mind. Excercise (mental and physical), social stimulation and a good diet can work wonders. This may seem like a trivial question, but "Do you eat properly?" Have you thought of getting a blood test to test for an iron, vitamin or hormonal deficiency? Even if you have bipolar disorder, medical problems can aggravate the symptoms and make them less manageable. For example, I used to feel dizzy, grumpy, anti-social, and confused in the afternoon. And really, really tired for no apparent reason. I went to a psychiatrist who recommended a medical test to rule out "medical problems". And, it turned out that I had an iron deficiency that aggravated my ADHD.

Though I have to warn you, getting healthy means breaking some difficult habits and forcing yourself to do things you normally don't have an inclination to do, as well as trying new things and dealing with uncertainty (such as learning how to communicate and express yourself, so that you are understood by others; without feeling "exposed" or "unlike yourself").


But, first and foremost, stop smoking marijuana! The world is never going to change to accomodate your needs, and you need to accept that as a fact. No one is going to save you from yourself, except for you. And, the more you try to live in the here and now (even though it's really painful, I know) the more opportunities you get to improve your life. Imagine all that wasted time that you spend hiding, wishing, and running! Now imagine spending all that time to re-build your life.

Oh, and another thing! Stop looking for a quick-fix, because quick-fixes fizzle over time. They are quick solutions to long-term problems; and they never truly appease the issue at hand. They make you forget about your troubles, but only temporarily. This usually gives you the fleeting notion that your quality of life is much better when you engage in self-indulgence. But, eventually--and inevitabally-- you begin to feel as if you are trapped in a vortex of doom; so that, in the long run, even while you are in your "imaginary world", you are unhappy.

The more you try to run from your problems, the more powerful and invincible they seem; probably because in your mind, you fear the pain of being vulnerable (the pain of confrontation). It is a cowardly way of facing the issues; always running and hiding (though I don't mean to offend you by this statement).

Life will NEVER be perfect. There will always be ups and downs and trying to live it as if it were perfect will only cause you trouble. Long-term solutions need time; lots and lots of time as well as consistent management. It may mean that you will still probably make mistakes but at least you will be able to take pride in the fact that you are making improvements.You will begin to learn along the way how you might solve your problems in more fulfilling ways. But, it will still never be perfect. You will still probably get depressed, angry, anxious and confused sometimes. But, at least you will have built up a buffer (support network) and when you feel down, you will remember that downs are a part of life (and they are not permanent).