I believe my husband is bipolar but is undiagnosed. His brother suffers from this disorder and tried to warn me because my husband refused to listen to him to seek help. He left almost 5 months ago and only communicates with me over email, very sporadically. He is confused and stunned by how everyone has reacted to him leaving; he's cut everyone off. He told me that he's been seeing a psychologist and that she has yet to prescribe something for him because he says she said he doesn't need it. But shouldn't he be seeing a psychiatrist? Will the psychologist know or eventually realize it? I'm concerned and everyone tells me to move on and don't understand why I haven't filed for divorce yet. I love him. Even if I'm not able to be with him, I still want to be sure he'll be OK. The few times I've spoken with him on the phone he says he's exhausted all the time and sleeps all the time, and when I talk about or hint at divorce he sobs. I don't know what to do because I'm at a complete loss. I want to help take his pain away.
Most phyciatrist's now days learn the underlying symtoms of Bipolar. If indeed your husband does have these symtoms, they should not be overlooked. Maybe it's time for him to find another phyciatrist. You have to understand that Bipolar is not just one symtom. It is a gambit of them. Running away from things is a classic.
But would a psychologist know to refer him to a psychiatrist? I'm guessing so. But the thing is, I don't know what he's telling her or if he is going altogether. He packed up his things and left while I was at work on a Friday. All he would say is that he got tired of taking care of everyone - his mom, dad, brother, sister-n-law, and me. None of it was making sense. He just kept telling us, "So what he left?" He was smug about it. Now it's the opposite and he cries if he does speak with me on the phone. I have been seeing a psychologist myself since this all happened because I need help to deal with it. From what I shared with her she mentioned that he could be on a 5 year cycle. The last time he ever behaved irrationally was 5 years ago, and his last divorce was in 1998. From what I know from his family he never talked about his divorce (they lived oversees). He just came home and it was like he was never married. He just didn't talk about it. I appreciate any help or thoughts on this. I'm to the point of trying to find out if he is talking to a psychologist and contacting them. While I know they can't share things with me, I almost just want to leave a message that if he is a patient and let them know what's been happening. His last email was so down and hopeless, I'm afraid that he's going to hurt himself.
Yes, if the psychologist feels he is a little more then they can handle and may need medications in order to at least live some kind of normal life they well indeed refer him to a psychiatrist. From the sound of you above more detailed post, he almost sounds like he is having trouble dealing with normal every day problems that for most are just a matter of fact. Personally, I think he needs help. In any way he can get it. He may not go as far as hurting himself but, will act in a fashion that could hurt other for life. That is what a bipolar is all about. Verbally hurting the ones you love most. Not finishing tasks they start, running off on the ones they have started and saying extreamly abusive things to people. I hope and pray he gets some help. There is so much medication out there. You have no idea the change in me since they got mine right. A complete turn around.
You're right. He does have trouble with dealing with normal every day problems. When I read this from your last post, it was like a hitting the nail on the head because I always had a problem discussing what it was that he was stressing about. Often times when something was happening that was upsetting him I tried to examine the situation because I just didn't know what it was that affecting him so dramatically. He's had a different job every year in the last 3 years, and I know he is now leaving his current job to go again to a different company. At each job there was always someone that was over him that was incompetent and always got the "rewards" that he felt should have gone to him. There was always something being done that was unjust towards him. He did end up cheating on me with someone I had never met. I found out maybe the third day he was gone. I was so hurt; I thought that was the reason he was behaving so erratically. I found out he was supposedly moving in with this other woman which destroyed me. I then moved out and have been staying with family since. He then always pointed the finger at me as the one leaving. When his affair was brought up he would immediately interrupt me that it was the result and it wasn't the problem we should be addressing. Apparently our marriage was so unhappy and I didn't even know it. When he asked why were so happy 3 years ago I had to remind him that he wasn't working in that time frame and I was the one working to pay the bills. He had no responsibilities. I never threw that at him and I was happy to do it because to me, we were a team and things always had a way of working out. When I or his family have told him he needed to seek help all he would say and continues to say is that he's "not crazy." He would say he just got tired of taking care of everybody.
There are some psychologists that do not believe in medicating patients. They are of the opinion that all the person needs is to sort out their emotions and all will be well.
If the psychologist your husband is seeing is from this school of thought then he will probably not get any referral to a psychiatrist. Psychologists are not doctors and can not prescribe medication.
I think most people that have bipolar disorder do well to get medicated and achieve some level of stability and then seek a psychologist's help.
When you speak with your husband again try to convince him to see a psychiatrist with you. You can explain to him the psychiatrist will simply evaluate him and determine if medication is appropriate for him. He has nothing to lose in seeing a psychiatrist. Point out that excessive sleeping and his crying are both indications of depression. He clearly needs help.
I can honestly say "Get rid of him". You sound way to good for him. You deserve someone that will appreciate you. By your last post, it is more then obvious to me that if he cared about your feelings, he would understand you crying out for help for him with no questions asked. I'm sorry, I know your still probably love him but, I have no room in my heart for a man that would leave a woman for another and not open himself up to you about his problems. Actually, my third did the same thing to me. Left and then lived with the witch.