This will take a minute but please bare with me for I am going bonkers trying to understand my boyfriend of two years.
We met in April 2006. For one straight year we were the perfect couple. There was not a minute or day that we didn't spend together unless we were at work. By the way, we also work together. Please don't be judgemental but I am management and he is what we call craft. Anyway, this didn't matter to me because he was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I do not feel superior to anyone.
Things went great until the following Jan/Feb when he became very irritable and complained about every little thing. He would rant and rave at work so much that I was afraid he was going to be disciplined by one of his supervisors. This went on for about a month or so. Then he started spending time alone on the farm, away from me at the house in the city.
On his birthday in April 07 he just got up one day and didn't come back. When I asked what is going on, he had a list of reasons why it wasn't working.........I had no clue it wasn't working.
About two months passed and he showed up one day saying that he thought he was going crazy and that he needed help. I took him to the mental health clinic and they prescribed several different drugs like Seroquel and Sertraline. At some point they changed it to Abilify and Amitryptiline. There have been others but I did not write them down.
Again, this month, April 08, he has taken off saying that it can't work because I don't care about him, says I'm management and all we do is use people, says I treat others better than he, etc ,etc, etc. Nothing good, as he sees it. Again, this comes out of the blue after he has been extremely irritable and restless and stressing over fiannces (yet buying all kinds of things)
Each time he goes he meets someone new in a matter of days and thinks the world of them. Belittles me verbally. Insist that I did not love him, and never took care of him the way a woman should, yet bought me an engagement ring several months prior.
I researched the meds in order to find out what they are for. I know they are for some type of mental illness but I don't know if this is a true sign of being bipolar or schizophrenic.
I do love him dearly and I thought he loved me dearly, as well. He has done so many nice things for me and my children that I just cannot believe that he doesn't care. Could I have been trapped in the manic phase of his disorder or does this even mimic the behavior of one who is bipolar? Someone please help. I am losing it myself trying to understand what I did wrong.
Hi. This behavior does sound like bipolar disorder. The medications you mentioned are meds that are used to treat bipolar disorder.
Spring time can be a difficult time for people with bipolar disorder, especially if they are unstable. Many people experience extreme mood swings with the change of season. This can result in a manic or depressive episode that is extreme. A medication review may be necessary to bring some stability to his life. In my opinion he sounds like he is manic at the moment. Running off, getting involved in another relationship, the paranoid thinking... all these behaviors are symptoms of bipolar disorder.
You can wait for him. He may decide to come back. If that is the case you should lay out the boundaries and insist that he get back to a doctor.
I wish I had more to offer you. He needs help. I hope he seeks the medical attention he needs.
Thank-you for the response. It has been such a roller coaster these past few weeks that I don't know if I am coming or going. What I do know is that I truly miss him. I miss the man that I fell in love with. I can't help but wonder if he was in a manic state when I met him???
Waiting is not something that my mind tells me to do, but on the othe hand, my heart says I will. Love cannot be turned off so suddenly. I guess that is why I am having such a hard time dealing with this. I just cannot phantom him blocking me out just like that. Not the man I know. Are there any ways to get through to a person who suddenly believes you are the enemy? What approach is there to even get close to him? Is there any approach? I send him a text message every few days asking if he's OK. He responds.........doing OK, hope you too????
If I had not witnessed the doctor interviewing him last year and took note of the medicines that were prescribed, Id be thinking that this man was the greatest actor that ever lived. Somehow, I know that this was no act. It was real.
Do other people experience the same type problems with their significant other? or am I the only one in this nightmare?
You are not alone. There are many people that live with a significant other that has bipolar disorder. You are right - it is a roller coaster ride. You are unable to stop it and it feels like you have zero control of your life.
Eventually, his moods will level out. That may be the time he decides to come back home. You should seek some help for yourself. Find a psychologist or counselor that has experience in bipolar disorder. There are support groups out there - www. nami.org lists practitioners by state. This may give you some leads to finding someone you can talk to. You may get some very good advice and ideas about how to handle this situation. Hopefully, you will be ready and able to sort this out by the time he decides to come home.
You are not alone. Many people live with someone that has bipolar disorder. The mood disorder will run everyone's lives if the individual is not stable. Do what you can to take back some control in your life. Educate yourself. I don't know if he met you during a manic phase or not but you feel something for this man. You can be there and offer him support, if he will allow it.
I hope you find a group and a therapist. I think these options are your best chance at finding a way to help him and yourself. All the best. Let us know how it is going.
You sound so much like my daughter with her advice. She is graduating college in May. Did some research papers on mental illness. It's funny, she saw that soemthing was going terribly wrong with him before I did. I guess love is truly blinding like they say. She loves him too. He has done everything he could to help her while she has been in school these past two years that we have known him. Gave her a car for Christmas in 06.
I have been searching for a good therapist. A part of me has been afraid to seek help for fear that I would be looked down on. With her coaching, I decided to make an appointment. I really need to be able to talk about this. This past month I have tried to move on with my life but it seems that I am stuck on one page of a book and can't find the next chapter. Tried going out to meet new people like he does but it doesn't work like that for me.
Today is his birthday.......sent him a text message (because he seems not to want to talk) told him happy birthday and have a great day. He immediately sends back and says " thank-you, you too.......God Bless You". He is catholic and I know he has a strong belief in God but he has never used that phrase since I've known him.
Each time that I do try to communicate, he keeps it short and to the point! His motorcycle that he cherishes is still here in the garage. I know he loves that bike but he hasn't come back to get it yet. That in itself is unbelievable because that bike means the world to him. The car that he bought my daughter, it is still in his name because the insurance was so much cheaper in his name and her as a driver.
He says he wants it out of his name,but he won't come by to do the transfer at the sec of states office. ?????
I have an appointment to talk with someone late next week. They asked if I were on meds and I said no, I needed guidance for someone who is. I guess then they didn't feel that it was urgent enough to see me any sooner!!!
I see you are from Illinois. I am originally from Illinois. Not born there but raised there. Have 9 siblings. Hopefully this question won't offend you but how do you know so much about Bipolar Disorder?
You do not offend me in any way. I have 4 sons and 2 of them are bipolar. You talk about learning by the seat of your pants! I am a registered nurse but mental health was not my bag. I was fascinated by the illnesses but I was not as enamored by the actual cases and patients. Well, now I get to live it! Somehow there is a joke of fate in this but many days I am incredulous that I live with these very needy kids. Another of my boys has a learning disability and is ADHD. I told my husband we are a poor genetic match.
Try to find a support group as well. People who live with this disorder have some of the most sage and practical advice. They have been there and know what you are dealing with. I need to find a group for myself but they meet when my husband is working and I don't dare leave them alone for too long a period of time.
I have a brother that needs help but refuses to go to a doctor. He is a brilliant guy but works at a job way beneath his level of expertise. I think it is due to his inability to express himself well. His thoughts fire so rapidly he can't keep them straight. I have approached him several times but with no success. All I can do is keep trying and help him pick up the pieces of his life.
Your guy will have to come back and take care of business. You can focus on educating yourself and having a strategy thought out so you can handle the situation when he does come back.
This behavior he has displayed is very typical manic behavior. When the dust settles and he can think clearly he will go where he feels safe-home.
I hope I have helped you. You can pm me if you like. I will check back here and see how you are doing. Keep us updated.
Click on my signature Antigone in the upper left corner, left of the subject line. This will bring you to my profile page. On the left side of the page there is a menu. Go to the 3rd selection "Send her a message". This will allow you to private message me. Look forward to hearing from you.
Hi, my name is Tara and about 2 months ago, I was diagnosed with BP. For the past 6 years, I have been treated for only depression.....I am on 40MG of Prozac a day. Now that I am diag with BP, my doctor has put me on 200mgs of Seroquel at night. I have found that the Seroquel has helped with my sleepless nights....but I am having a hard time because I used to be on 10mg of Ambien at night.....I am just wondering if anyone has had similar probs or if anyone has any advice for me!
PLEASE help me....I had a girlfriend that I loved dearly and still do. She had 5 very troublesome years with an abusive man, and she is 23 years old. Because of this she was seeing a counsellor twice a week, and she still is. She loved me, left me loving messages, wanted to spend time with me. She introduced me to her family, and her friends who all thought I was "a keeper" (she said she never takes anyone to her mum). We talked about marriage and babies etc...We had only been seeing each other for a couple of months, so things moved quickly. There was no sign of any trouble, nothing. We openly showed our affection to each other. Then last Tuesday. she saw the counsellor and then called me to say she had somethings she wanted to discuss with me. I asked her if I had anything to worry about, and she said no, she loves me and can't wait to see me. We went out that evening had some drinks and dinner, and she casually dropped in conversation that the counsellor thinks she might have bi polar. I wasn't sure what it was at the time, and I said she should get a second opinion. An hour or two later, I said to her what did she want to talk to me about. She said that she thought I hadn't got over my ex-wife (been amicably divorced for a year, and very happy with that) and that she hadn't got over her previous boyfriend. I could see where this was heading, so I told her we should leave and I cried all the way home. I contact her mum to say it was over, because her mum said to me please don't break her heart, and I wanted her to know that I didn't leave her. My girlfriend sms'd me saying she was sorry, but she couldn't make herself feel any stronger emotions for me even though she tried. I just couldn't understand. she she loved kissing and hugging, and we spent lots of fun time together. One evening she said that she had the "best day of her life". She also said that she didn't plan to break up with me, but she felt that I wanted to break up with her ?! Not understanding why this was happening, I spoke to her mum, and this really upset my girlfriend, because she wants to keep everything as secret as possible from her mum. She feels like her mum is interfering so she tells her nothing, so me contacting her mother made her very angry. Within 24 hours, she turned nasty and abusive, and I attach part of her email to me:
"Firstly, where you seeing me or my mother? Why you feel the need to tell and explain to her what you're going through and whats going through your mind, I dont know. If in some twisted way you think by winning her over its going to get me to reconsider...you're so very wrong! When Ive put my mind to something I stick by it whether its the right decision or wrong one its for me too live with,not you or my mother but me.
Secondly I saw the messages on her phone and I know that you've been giving her basically an hourly update which is fuc**n pathetic. Also saw the message about how I should stop seeing xxxxx as a councilor and seek help elsewhere and how he is in some way indoctrinating me so as to keep me to himself. Just stop and listen to how that sounds! I dont appreciate you giving your "expert" opinion on MY life! Who gives you the right?! xxxxx has helped me to do and get through the most difficult thing in my life. And I will forever be grateful to him for that. He has only my best interests at heart which is more than I can say for you whom is so entwined with the status of having a beautiful young woman on your arm that you forgot that Im also a person with needs and wants and going out drinking everynight isnt what I want. I barely need 5 fingers to count the times that we just spent at home. Thats not life...its what you do when you leave school,when you dont have responsibilities,not when you're 44. The fact that I say,"jump" and you say,"how high" bothered me even more. I want a real man whose not going to give me what I want but only that which I need.
What kind of father uses there son as a pawn? Yes maybe he is sad that you are unhappy but thats not going to make me feel guilty and come back.And its fine by me if you want to go and talk badly of me to your friends..you have that right and at least that way you can tell them how I broke your heart and it wasn't you just ruining another relationship.
I now see why you are so giving by dishing out money to people and buying things... Its because you think thats the only way to gain ones loyalty...but its not! Say "no" once in awhile and you'll be surprised at the amount of respect you gain. Right now you're just a push over,not a man.
I am not asking anymore but telling you for the last time, leave my mother alone. I dont want to see or talk to you.
P.S. Its amazing how the real person comes out when you break up... You are not the person I thought you were."
Even in the car on the way home the previous night, she was hugging and kissing me.
I can't understand why this happened. We spoke openly about everything, and if the things she mentioned about (some of it is not true) above was a problem, she should have talked to me about it.
I decided to look up bi polar, and was surprised to see that she has many of the symptoms. She gets very claustrophobic, and kicks out violently when cornered. She has real trouble sleeping at night, she is young, her counsellor did some tests with her and it showed signs of bi polar, it is spring here is South Africa, and now this change from love to hate in 24 hours.
To be honest with you I am devastated and hurting. She is blocking me from everything, even face book. She doesn't want to see or hear from me. Do I just move on in life? Will she ever come back? Should I seek counselling? Should I keep trying to contact her? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
My best advice to you would be to move on. This is what people with Bipolar disorder do, they take you on a rollercoaster ride. One minute they love you, the next you are the worst enemy. You sound like a great guy. Find a woman who will be there for you and one that will be honest.
Yes, I understand the rollercoaster ride you have been on. I rode that same ride! (see my story posted here).
I think this site was one of the places that helped me get my life back on track. Being able to sound off here...and read what has happened to others have helped me more than anything else.
It has been 3 weeks since I broke it off and ran. I still come here. I still find that reading here helps my resolve to keep away. Some days I can almost convince myself it would be different if I went back to him... coming here reminds me all over why I need to keep away.
I hope you keep your resolve. I also want you to know.. Bipolar are NOT whole personalities. They keep fragmenting...over and over. When you tried to talk to her...you were not talking to a person that could deal with you on a sane and wholesome level. It can be so deceiving!! They look just like everyone else...but.. THEY ARE NOT. Please, understand... this was NOT your fault.
Move on. You are making the only rational decision for you.
Nick and all concerened; This is typical behavior of BP. At some time they may knock on your door when you least expect it.The seasons the med's are all the major secert. I know I' BP2 for 30 yrs. My wife can tell you OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH stories.