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ugly & unwanted to all (Page 1)

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October 16th, 2008
Crying or Very sad

it seems no one goes for the personality anymore these days. all men want is a hot bod and great boobs. well, sadly i'm not that blessed. i'm not hideous looking, i guess you could say i'm just a bit on the heavy side BUT have an awesome personality. i've always been 'the best friend' nothing more. and after a while its extremely depressing and i feel like im no good, not even good enough to live sometimes...

i dont know what to do anymore...i'm so tired of seeing skanky girls or people alot worse-er looking than me get SOMETHING! i've never done anything, not even kiss anyone and i'm 18. i feel like i have so much to give but have never had anyone seem interested. I know i'm young but i hear about how its so hard to find someone after college and that terrifies me. i'm an incredibly social creature but have never been even asked out :[
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rooted
replied October 17th, 2008
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Have you thought about online dating services where you can meet someone in your area? MY sister tried this a while ago and liked it. If anything, you can definitely get a feel for who and what interests you in the dating market.
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br00t4lxstage
replied October 18th, 2008
i have but its also a little strange since i'm so young and most people tehre are already over 30...i guess being like i am i can't be picky.
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worriedauzzi
replied October 18th, 2008
Experienced User
Yeah guys are shallow. I had a baby 12 weeks ago and as soon as I could walk I was at the gym. I go to the gym 5 days a week yet he still looks at other girls. Maybe look for a guy similar to you?
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Milan
replied October 19th, 2008
Experienced User
Re: ugly & unwanted to all
br00t4lxstage wrote:
it seems no one goes for the personality anymore these days.

I know we're in the minority but trust me, there are some guys who care more about personality than anything else. For me personally, whomever I marry, I want to make sure that 40-50 years from now I can still have a meaningful conversation with her at the breakfast table. Real beauty is when you look into a woman's eyes and you get to see what is in her heart.

Quote:
after a while its extremely depressing and i feel like im no good

I know it can be hard, but please don't lose your self esteem. You have your whole life in front of you, and you have no idea what may be just around the corner. Believe in yourself. A successful woman is one who can lay a firm foundation with the very bricks that others throw at her.

Quote:
i've never done anything, not even kiss anyone and i'm 18.

Life is not a race. When you drive your car do you keep your eyes focused in the rearview mirror? Then why live your life that way?

Quote:
I know i'm young but i hear about how its so hard to find someone after college and that terrifies me.

When you fear something you give it power over you. See yourself being happy in your minds eye, and happiness will be attracted to you.
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br00t4lxstage
replied October 19th, 2008
wow, that all really meant alot to me, thank youso much.
:]
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nightangel73
replied November 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Well it is hard to find someone after college that's the thruth. I was terrified of it and had to go through it. End up married at 35. It's not really the worst thing in the world. Better late than selecting the wrong husband I can tell you that. As far as looks yes it takes a long time to appreciate inside beauty. But still you will want to be with someone you feel sexually attracted to. I always had the tendency to look at the average looking guys instead of the hot bods. I found those guys where conceited and the good ones taken too quick hehe. You will find someone if you are patient. I suggest you reading the book "why men marry (the word is not allowed but starts with B..)" by Sheryl Argov. It's really good and will help you in your journey. You have lots of time. Good luck!
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MCR_MUCC
replied November 10th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Im 22 and never had a serious relationship and Im even more scared now after reading thi.
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aochriss
replied November 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
MCR_MUCC wrote:
Im 22 and never had a serious relationship and Im even more scared now after reading thi.


Not even in high school? Did you date in high school? I really wouldn't worry about it, you are way too young to be scared. You have plenty of time to meet someone.
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Milan
replied November 10th, 2008
Experienced User
nightangel73 wrote:
End up married at 35.
You say that like it's a bad thing Razz

I generally find that people that get married after 30 tend to have better marriages (and less divorces) than people who marry around 19-20ish.
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furrytail
replied November 10th, 2008
Experienced User
br00t4lxstage,
Please don't get all stressed out and worried at 18. I know that you feel that nobody out there may like you, but I honestly think that in time you will find that is a wrong assumption. Yes most men tend to be shallow and in many cases go for the physical attraction, but just like yourself, there are men out there who aren't olympic athletes and some of them are nice guys who appreciate finding someone that they fell comfortable being with and eventually being intimate with.
My point here is, don't give in to convention and feel that you are not "perfect" and that you have no self worth cause that is wrong. We all have those things within us that make us special and as my mom used to tell me, there is a guy out there for all of us (your soul mate if you will) and you just haven't found him or perhaps he hasn't found you, but when the stars align...it will happen.
Take heart and keep you great personality and social skills going and, when you least expect it, it could happen.

My 2 cents,

Wendy
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m0nkwan
replied November 15th, 2008
a little on the heavy side isnt necessarily bad.

although you may think you are outgoing, you may be giving off the impression to people that you are not interested, subconsciously. There are super beautiful women out there who never ever get asked out or hit on (yet wonder why), then just average women who cant leave the house without being flirted with. its not just about being outgoing but giving off the impression you are available and interested is what really makes people attracted.

im not suggesting you act like one of those slutty flirts or anything.... just try to understand being asked out and hit on isnt really about looks. there are always people attracted to other people...even if you are a 1 out of 10...lots of other ones are going to want you. but they cant approach without perceiving some sort of invitation
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worrywart01
replied November 15th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
girl dont feel bad! I sort of dated in high school but it never went past a few dates..it just wasn't working out with the guys i went on dates with..i didn't have my first serious relationship until 19 and after seeing all the drama my friends had with their boyfriends in high school..well..i dont think i missed out on much of anything haha...you will find a guy..just be patient! and if you aren't happy with your body then join and gym and start working out! It'll make you feel much better..but dont feel like you need to starve yourself for some guy, there are plenty of men out there that love curvy women Smile
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Milan
replied November 15th, 2008
Experienced User
m0nkwan wrote:
There are super beautiful women out there who never ever get asked out or hit on
Most of the time this is simply because guys assume that they are with someone else already. It has nothing to do with 'subconscious' messages. BTW-giving off the impression that "you are available and interested" could just as easily be interpreted as they are being slutty or promiscuous, which of course is not a good thing. Best to be genuine and not fake one way or the other.
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Fairy Godmother
replied November 15th, 2008
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WOW
Milan, you are so full of wisdom! eHealth is very lucky to have you!
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Milan
replied November 15th, 2008
Experienced User
Re: WOW
Fairy Godmother wrote:
Milan, you are so full of wisdom! eHealth is very lucky to have you!
Well I've been told that I'm full of 'something' many times Razz Never the less THANK YOU very much for the compliment. It is much appreciated kiss
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furrytail
replied November 15th, 2008
Experienced User
Milan, Some nice words...Thx

Wendy
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Milan
replied November 15th, 2008
Experienced User
furrytail wrote:
Milan, Some nice words...Thx
Thank you Wendy. Appreciate it kiss
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m0nkwan
replied November 16th, 2008
Milan wrote:
m0nkwan wrote:
There are super beautiful women out there who never ever get asked out or hit on
Most of the time this is simply because guys assume that they are with someone else already. It has nothing to do with 'subconscious' messages. BTW-giving off the impression that "you are available and interested" could just as easily be interpreted as they are being slutty or promiscuous, which of course is not a good thing. Best to be genuine and not fake one way or the other.



Milan you are completely wrong.

I have read many books about the subject. it has everything to do with body-language and unconscious messages they are giving off.

Rarely will anyone ever approach anyone else without SOME SORT of invitation, whether its a smile or just eye-contact, even if you don't consciously realize it.

I never said all beautiful women are not hit on. I said sometimes a really beautiful women can never be approached when an ugly one is approached regularly, and in that case it's usually because the ugly one is dropping a baited hook for the men. 90% of ALL flirtation begins with the woman giving the invitation...even though us men think its all us starting things up, we are really usually just going over when invited.
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Milan
replied November 16th, 2008
Experienced User
m0nkwan wrote:
I have read many books about the subject. it has everything to do with body-language and unconscious messages they are giving off.
The number of books you might have read is really immaterial. You do not know the original poster. Therefore you do not know if she uses the wrong body-language or not.
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