I'm 17 and a senior in high school. First off, I want to tell you a little about myself. I've never had a girlfriend, even though I have had sex. I've been through a lot of difficult times, just like everyone else has. My parents live in different states, even though they are together. I live with my mother, and she has always hated me. I have extremely strict parents. I've been the "problem" child in the family. My brother and sister have always been "perfect" kids; well behaved and good students. I used to get into a lot of trouble. I would get suspended about once a year after doing something really stupid, and it would be a big deal for my parents. My mother tells me every day how much she hates me and how she never wants to see me again after I graduate. I've lived with this for many years now, and I guess I've gotten used to it. However, it's been getting worse and worse lately, and I've been feeling pretty depressed these past few days.
Now, onto the girl. I met her a few months ago. She is a freshman at my high school. She was dating my friend and he asked me if I wanted to hang out with them after school. We hung out for a while and we really clicked. We had a lot in common and I found it really easy to talk to her. I liked her, but I didn't want to go out with her or anything like that. After that day, we didn't really talk to each other, and I didn't really think about her. After a few weeks, we would run into each other at school and talk every time. We became friends. As we talked to each other more and more, I started liking her a lot. She eventually broke up with my friend, but I never asked her out. I thought of her as a friend, and nothing more. It wasn't until she got another boyfriend that I really fell for her. We would talk every day at school whenever we saw each other, and we became really close. On Valentines Day, she gave me a letter telling me how amazing I was, how "absolutely perfect" I was, and that she loved me, even though she had a boyfriend. I talked to her the next day about it and told her I loved her too. She said that she'd already hurt too many other guys by dumping them, and she didn't wanna hurt her boyfriend's feelings (they had been best friends for a while). However, she didn't love her boyfriend anymore and was not attracted to him at all. I figured out that they would eventually break up soon. After that day, we were still really close and nothing had changed, except now we often said "I love you" to each other. Two weeks later, she broke up with him. I asked her best friend whether I should ask her out now that she was single. Her friend told me that she wanted to go out with me, but she was afraid I wouldn't talk to her anymore after I left for college. So, she told me to wait a week before asking her out. Of course, her friend told her what I said after we talked. That night, the girl and I were performing at our school choir concert. After it was over, I took her outside and asked her out. She said, "I really really like you. But I don't want to get attached. You're leaving for college next year and it won't work out. I'm not saying no, I just need time to think things through." She was crying as she said this. She kissed me in the lips and walked away. I was heart broken. The next day, I called her to talk about it. She said "things never really work out the way they should, there's a whole other side of me you don't know about, and you wouldn't want to get involved." She is an emotional girl and does get depressed. She's been through a lot of bad things in her life, including an attempted suicide. I told her that I loved her and asked her if there was a chance we'd ever be together. She said, "Honestly, I don't think so." I was heart broken. I've been rejected before, but I've never loved a girl as much as this one. I couldn't sleep, I lost interest in everything, and I felt depressed all the time. On top of that, my mother continued to yell at me every day. I felt like everything in my life was falling apart. I don't talk to my best friend anymore, I have little to no close friends, I was leaving for college soon, my parents didn't love me, and now the girl that I've fallen so madly in love with has rejected me. I tried telling myself that there were other girls out there. But all I wanted was her. She made my life worth living. She made me the happiest I have EVER been. I honestly do not think I will ever meet another girl like her. I don't know what to do. I want to be with her. I love her so much, but I also respect her decisions and want her to be happy. She's been really depressed after that, and I feel bad about it. I won't love another girl like I've loved her. Every time I talk to her about us, she becomes emotional and upset. She says she loves me and everything, but then gives me a bunch of reasons why we can't be together. I felt better after a few days, but I still think about her all the time, and we still talk, but she's really depressed right now (she's bipolar). I don't know whether I should keep trying or just move on.
Two people who love eachother, but can't be together
First of all, people are not perfect (if your mother expects anything close- she is looking at the wrong species.) I am sorry that she makes you feel insignificant and it may not help much, but I am here typing to you that your not alone in the unwanted, unloved feeling. I'm 21, my parents never got married (I'm an accident, a result of a threesome with my lesbian mother, a woman, & my pop). Both my parents are already dead at a young age due to the abuse of substances. Just a little back information from the person who read this and wanted very much to respond.
Together you two could possibly be exactly what the other needs, but individually there needs to be a great deal of growth. She sounds mature for the aspects in her decision because it is true. College is right around the corner for you- and will unlock an entire world of new experiences (including new people, even if you still find most uninteresting, don't blame you.)
As individuals- you make your own choices. It seems that you both have a low self image, and neither of you are capable of caring for yourself- let alone another human being. (Now mind you, I am certain that you love her unconditionally. I wouldn't challenge it at all. You respect her choices and that shows.)
She has given you the answer and whether she is happy with it or not it's the choice she's made. Now it's your turn to take a chance for you own life and make the choice to walk away from the rough start you've been dealt.
You can still be there as friends (if you can keep other feelings separate) but she needs to figure out herself, and the other truth that she may not have shown light on is that while your at college she'll be finishing her high school growth. As you know, High school years change a person drastically (as your going to find out, it changes even more when your out). Now just doesn't seem like a good time to work on you two when you both need some self development. Good news in all this: You may find down the road you'll still be friends and perhaps set in happier lifestyles which suit you. In turn, making any prospective future relationship much more promising and fulfilling in the long run. (even though it sucks for now)
It's funny, I can say this all to you. But I myself came to this forum because I read the title and it summed up my current situation. Which is very different except in one aspect- we both love each-other completely but will not work out in a committed relationship. But I need to "practice what I preach" and work on myself and stop worrying about her and what she's doing with her life.
I wish you nothing short of the best, (& greatest way to respond to your s***-tastic mother, go farther in your life than she ever dared expected.)
Oh, and I'm not certain if this will sway your opinion of my response- but if you didn't catch it I'm a female pansexual. (i.e. I am gender blind) The girl I love is also, which for the common populous is already frowned sincerely upon. I'm apathetic to other opinions of it, I just wanted to inform you.
I really hope that life takes a severe skyward turn- you seem like it's about time karma came around to favor your life.