It's now been twelve years since my "psychosis". Always knew what it was though, funny how they try and lie to us, even the ones going through it they try to lie to.
Death is beginning to look fairly good. And try not to misunderstand, not that I like it or anything, it's just getting bad, could take it at first no big deal, it didn't hurt like this back then, and what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and suffer? And that is all that it will be, and it just gets worse from here on out.
What a stupid life we all live, or should I say die.
This is what I was tellin my wife after work today, end of five weeks of putting up with the sysyphus thing. Only mine is 25 years, 25 years of bugs crawling on me, living this lifestyle I am starving I have to eat and then BAM they're in me, talking to me, crawling throughout my veins, itching everywhere, the delusion of ghost bugs, 25 years, im 45, am I supposed to keep suffering? I got old, that's enough, lived ten times the life my dad did, how long does this have to go on for????
Yes but I am not ready to do it. Nervous about rebooting the branch repeaters, but I did it, nervous about upgrading the profiles for all the users at a company, but I'll do it, nervous about cutting my head off, slitting my throat, and I jsut can't get myself to do it, but I sure do ideate alot about it.