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Troubled past, need other opinions

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I have been doing a lot of thinking back over my past, and i have a lot of stuff in my past that i am very unhappy about. When i was in high school i had two really good girl friends that led to meeting a few more. One of my best friends ended up going out with this one guy and hanging out with his friends. Because of her i started hanging out with them as well. It was a group of 4 guys, and us 2 girls - as mentioned, two of them were dating. A lot of times when they would hang out they would drink, that's what they did. Eventually I ended up drinking with all of them. Then there was one night in particular that i went against my better judgment.

We were all hanging out. We always had at a designated driver to drive the others home, which was a guy this time. We had been drinking and for whatever reason my girl friend wanted to really drink that night and wanted me to do so too. Against my better judgment i agreed and we started pounding them back, within an hour or so. Needless to say we got pretty messed up. I started feeling tired and decided to go lay down on the couch. I would say no more than 30 seconds later i was out (is this considered passing out or falling asleep?). After a while I woke up and ran to the bathroom throwing up. I didn't make it and ended up with it all over my shirt. I took the shirt off in the bathroom and against my better judgment went back and laid back down on the couch with just my bra on. We were there for another 2 to 3 hours or so i would say. I was pretty much out on the couch the rest of the night other than waking up like 2 more times to throw up. Then the last thing i remember is one of the guys waking me up to take me and my girl friend home. I THINK someone gave me a sweatshirt to wear home. And i know someone brought my shirt home a few days later.

Now the thing that bothers me is this: what happened while i was out?

At the time i didn't think anything about it, but looking back, all of the guys had a thing for me. When i went to lay on the couch my girl friend was already laying down pretty out of it, when i woke up she was completely out. So basically the two of us were knocked out in a house with four guys. And to top it all off, when the guy took us home he got out and hugged me and said something about "you don't know how hard it was to not do anything"

And here is my thinking:
-decent guy(s) would have offered me a shirt to wear if they weren't pigs, after all we were at one of their houses. Which leads me to believe they were wanting the view.
-decent guy(s) would have taken me home the instant they saw i was out of it and throwing up
-decent guy(s) wouldn't have ever thought about doing something nor thought to say anything about it when i went home. Not to mention nothing would have been 'hard' about not doing anything.

In my defense, at the time i thought they were good friends that i could trust. on the other hand it was a mistake and i see that now. I just want to know what others think of my logic, if you think they did anything, what you think they might have done, and anything that might tip me off to if something happened or not. I've thought about calling them to ask, but i highly doubt they'd admit to anything - right?

Thanks for those who actually took the time to read this. Please help, any opinion or view is more than i have now. There are no wrong answers. Sad
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replied September 15th, 2009
Supporter
Before I begin, let me state up front that I have a real problem with women who go out and get trashed without having a trusted, close friend who has agreed to take care of her and keep her out of trouble, who then blame others for whatever may have happened to them. Being wasted does not give a person a right to do whatever they want with you, nor does it mean you are asking for it. Getting drunk with people you don't know very well or do not/ should not trust is simply stupid behavior that opens the door for something bad to happen.
I don't think anything happened. If you had some memory of a person touching you, kissing you, being beside you, on top of you.. I would think you would have reason to worry. But you don't. As for his comment, he may have resisted the urge to kiss you or hold you while you slept. It does not mean that the guy is a rapist. Even if he had the urge to sleep with you while you slept, he did not do so.
My thinking is that decent girls would not get plastered and pass out on my couch. It may have been fun for you but babysitting a drunk is no picnic for anyone. I don't like having to hold people's hair while they pray to the ceramic god and I certainly don't like cleaning up other people's vomit. I don't enjoy forgoing the music, dancing, enjoyment of the get together to watch over them while they sleep and make sure no one bothers them.
I think you learned a hard lesson and were lucky to come out with nothing more than some troubling doubts. If you truly think something happened you should take Plan B ASAP and get checked for any STDs.
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replied September 16th, 2009
This is all in the past. So there is no worry of pregnancy. I am a virgin. I assume if someone did rape me i would have woken up feeling sore down there - correct? If so that rules that out completely. It isn't so much being raped i'm worried about. It's more of a did they take anything else off, take pics, etc worry.

Sorry if i wasn't clear enough the first time. The girl was one of my best friends and at the time i was good friends with the guys. They however did like me. Now that i look back i realize they weren't really as good of guys as i thought. I was drinking around guys i knew at the time and thought i could trust.


If i was knocked out on the couch would i really have any remembrance of anything happening, if it did? I don't remember anything other than when i woke up to throw up.

And I know, I'm the first to admit i did some STUPID stuff as a teen. Trust me, i regret it every day - which i should, it's my fault completely. Like i said though, at the time i was good friends with them all. After looking back and realizing they weren't really as good of guys as i thought at the time it made me wonder.

I took the comment the other way actually. To me it seems more like something he would say to ease my mind. Like i wake up from being passed out and he tells me nothing happened so i would instantly think nothing happened and never look into it. That's just my thinking. I appreciate the other perspective.

And yes, i realize what i did was very very stupid and irresponsible. I wish every day i could go back and change things. I guess that's the price I pay for being young and stupid.
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replied September 17th, 2009
Supporter
fm212, I need to apologize for my previous post. Not so much for what I said, but because of the wording of it. I know that sometimes words on a screen can be interpreted differently without the benefit of facial expressions, voice inflections, etc. that are there when speaking face to face.
Administration sent me a warning for my post and as a member and, especially as a Moderator, I do not want to break any of the rules of the site or to blame a poster for their problem. (I was not told or ordered to apologize but I felt that if you viewed my post the same as administration, that an apology and explanation was in order.)
I was not saying that you are not a decent girl but I was, ironically, using your own words about the guys you partied with. I thought that was clear but now I realize that anyone who failed to read your post would not see that and appreciate my cleverness.
My intent was to shake you up a little so that this would be a wake up call that prevented you from putting yourself in that type of situation again. I sound like I am blaming you again so I will stop while I am ahead and add that I am sorry if my post made you feel worse about your situation.
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replied November 15th, 2009
Experienced User
I wouldn't worry about it. You'll never know if someone did something or not. If they did, they're horrible people. If they didn't, then all your worrying is for naught.

I think the part that troubles you the most is that you thought you could trust them. Through this incident you learned that you didn't have the same assurance about their trust. It's a hard lesson. I've been through it.

If they are the type of people to have violated you as a person in some manner while you slept, then they certainly won't tell you if they did anything. I would just listen to your intuition about this and not have any dealings with them in the future.

Nothing was your fault. I'm sure you have a good heart and want to believe people are good. Obviously, not everyone is. I think that's what your struggling with; These young men gave the appearance of being safe and you came to question that later.

Those are very hard lessons for us all!
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replied November 17th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I think next time when you do go out to drink (assuming you are of age of course) you should slow down..let this be a lesson learned, i'm sure nothing bad happened THIS time...but I know the parties I've been to you have "a friend of a friend of a friend" showing up just to drink..people you DONT know that possibly cant be trusted...watch out for yourself..if you cant drink in moderation..dont drink
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replied December 22nd, 2009
Experienced User
if you are unhappy about things in your past then change. because your future is dependent on change. perhaps implementing the darker sides of your life into your cosmology you would be less akin to drinking or getting involved. but this is hard. i don't know how to do it. just by acknowledging yourself and not others necessarily but get to know yourself i mean like who are you... change your future you see your future because of your past.
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