I have a boyfriend for three years. Our relationship was rocky. He has a child with his previous gf and live in partner (I dont know how many unrecognized child he has).Once, when he visited their child, I had known that they slept together in the same bed. I got hurt. He has lots of vices and keeps on promising he will quit. He loves to take me to his house even if I say no, but his way is his way. So, we have sex and there are just pictures of his ex around us. He is my first in everything but he makes me feel I am just as dirty as he is because of his derogatory statements of accusing me. He has a past that is very overwhelming for a traditional yet crazy person like me. How we ended up together is some sort of manipulation.He does not take NO as an answer even up to now.The time we were going out, my friends have to be barred. I have no one to talk to about our problems. But he talks behind my back and discuss our issues with his previous gf and it is very unfair on my part. But when there are girls flirting with him, he cant even say I exist. If we are in public, his gaze will always land to any lady especially those attractive one.
When we became bf-gf, my world was all about him and there should be nobody else. I was once a very independent single person and with him around, it should always be about him.
The time I had him, I lost my mother. Everytime I say I wish some time alone, he does not respect it. Many times I say I want to quit, he will just come to my parent's house as if nothing happened. He yells at me in front of my family or in the presence of anybody else in public. He accuses me I am to selfish that I deprive him time with his son. A statement that hurts because his son is 2hours by plane away from our place. He always want sex and does not mind about my feelings. Even when I was in the hospital with an IV infusion on and with a high-spiking fever, he was unstoppable with sex. I just cried and that part will never go away. Even after 10 hours or more of standing up in work, he says he will fetch me and take me home, but he does not. With my body in pain, he will still take me to his house and use me while i just lay emotionless. He constantly bosses me around. He monitors where I am, who I am with, asks who am i texting or telling to to stop texting. But, on the other way around, I cant do that to him as he would get mad even if he leaves me like an idiot in a crowd of people or in a table alone when we are dining out as he is too busy with his phone. He even has the audacity to displace his anger to me. He is constantly late in every date we have (like more than an hour late) I love him but I am not sure I want to end up with him and there is always this woman's intuition that I will not be happy in the end . He comes from a rich family, only son and undisciplined. His mom showered him with money and material things and his values are lost. I pity him in many ways.
I am leaving our country as soon as my papers will be ok to migrate permanently to the place where I will be working. With my future absence plus the geographical distance halfway around the globe and his undisciplined ways, sky rocketing libido and inability to resist temptation, I do not know anymore what to expect. He makes me feel like I am just an option while he wants me to make him my priority. If only I could turn back time I will never choose a life with a boyfriend.