Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - tricked for sex and tag teamed...all in the same week.

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Q: tricked for sex and tag teamed...all in the same week.

asked by: melancholydaye on September 8th, 2008

Experienced User

i have been single for going on a year, and don't mind it at all. i am a 21 year old college student with some depression, and bipolar disorder. keep in mind that i have had no sexual contact with a man for almost 8 months. exactly 1 week ago a friend of the opposite sex was visiting town, and he called and asked if i wanted to hang out. so i said yes, thinking we were going to go hang out at the normal spot (his buddies house) and then he called me and said he was almost at my house. i thought this was odd, but told him he could go ahead and come over. when he got to my house, we talked for about an hour, then he told me that he didn't have anywhere to stay, and asked if he could stay at my house. i asked him if he could go stay with who he usually stays with when he visits and he lied again and said that his friend was out of town. i went to sleep, and he snuck into my bedroom and he was naked and he got on top of me. it was sort of consensual. but i was still rather uncomfortable because i knew that he had lied to me.
3 days ago, an old friend called me up, (he's gay) and asked me if i wanted to come over to drink. I was bored, and took him up on that offer. well, they didn't exactly have regular alcohol, it was absinthe that they had bought and were saving. there were 4 guys there and me being the only girl. we drank a lot, had really good conversations, and i layed back in the easy chair and said that i was going to go to sleep. I didn't want to drive in the state i was in. i thought i trusted the people in the room to leave me alone but i guess i was wrong. I woke up a short time later with my pants off and one of the guys was on top of me. i felt like i was paralyzed and drunkenly pushed him away. then, before i could even move to get up and leave, another guy came up and started having sex with me. i was disgusted because everyone in the room was watching. i felt scared and couldn't move or make a sound. i've been scared and afraid to talk about it to anyone. I also feel like a promiscuous person even though i feel that i only had good intentions to hang out with friends. what should i do?

Replies(13)

worrywart01

replied on September 8th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

that is unbelieveable that these so called friends could take advantage of you like this..i'm so sorry you've had to go through this...dont blame yourself, you felt like you could trust these people and many times people will fall short of our expectations...these people are obviously not friends of yours...i would first get a test done for possible pregnancy and stds, just to get that knocked out of the way if thats a concern..and distance yourself from these people..anyone who would take advantage of you in a situation like this is NOT a friend...also, be extremely careful who you choose to drink around you know? i too first drank alcohol in college, i'm now 21 as well, but I will say I drank way more at 18 than I do now..even then though for a while I was very skeptical when going to parties and such...you have to be really really careful who you can trust..sometimes alcohol brings out the worst in people and they can completely disregard your feelings and the consequences of their actions..and then they feel they can play the "i dont remember i was drunk card"..mmhhmm right that is NO excuse....just be strong, and as I said before be really careful how much you drink and who you drink around..you didn't deserve this at all so dont blame yourself

melancholydaye

replied on September 9th, 2008

Experienced User

thanks for replying

it has been really really hard for me to speak to anyone about this. i knew i could get some sort of comfort by coming on here. I think i need to speak to a counseler or something at my school. it's been hard on me because i've been blaming myself for the situation, but then again i couldn't have possibly known that 4 guys that seemed rather polite and nice at first, under the influence of alcohol could turn into sex-hungry deviants. i've rarely even left my house, just for school and work. and i feel that i cannot tell any of my close friends what happened because they are all friends with these guys so i don't want to start any drama. drama is my enemy, but it seems to follow me everywhere i go.

melancholydaye

replied on September 10th, 2008

Experienced User

does anyone else have something simular to this happen to them

motherofhighspiritedones

replied on September 10th, 2008

Supporter

I had something similar happen. It makes you feel absolutely dirty. And if you want to talk or vent, feel free to send me a private message.

Users who thank motherofhighspiritedones for this post: melancholydaye

minidenegirl

replied on September 11th, 2008

New User

It happens everywhere

I've had that done to me, but by the most trusted person I thought I new, my spouse. Anyways he and I were drinking he had 2 of his buddies over, we went to the bar same ole same ole?? That night my spouse was asking his buddies if they would tag team somebody?? They said hell yeah!! This conversation was in the bar, and I thought it was just guys being pigs as usual...so I thought nothing of it....after we went back home, nothing unusual, guys were drinking downstairs as usual? so I went to bed, basically passed out, in my own home, in my own bed. Everything was such a blurr, I know somebody was in the room with me, on top of me...but then again there were other people in the room with me. I remember hearing my husbands voice, and I wanted him to help me, but he was the one making the sexual assault happen. I heard him say She's good isn't she!! I wanted to run away and hide...but I couldn't do anything, but let it happen.

After the assault my spouse down played everything like nothing happened, if we argued he used what happend against me. He called me a sl-t all the time and he was the one that made "IT" happen. SO tell me...how could the man who is supposed to love you, treat you like dirt. So you see, It happens not only by friends, but by family members also. I'm not going to go into the just of things of what happend after, but this is what happend to me.

No matter what, this was not your fault, drinking or not!!!

Users who thank minidenegirl for this post: melancholydaye

melancholydaye

replied on September 13th, 2008

Experienced User

thank you so much guys...really no one really knows how much this helps me and words can't express it. motherofhighspiritedones and minidenegirl, you have really helped me notice that i'm not the only one. You know that stuff like this happens everyday, but somehow when it happens to you you feel completely alone in the world. Your comments brought me back to reality and helped me realize that i'm not the only one. AND.....one more question. how long did it take you to get over this? Well, i can't say that you got over it....but, how long does it take to stop hurting?

motherofhighspiritedones

replied on September 13th, 2008

Supporter

It honestly never stops hurting because you know as a human, you did not deserve what happened to you. But the pain is not as unbearable as time goes on. It varies with each person how long it takes to "get over it, get through it, get past it". And talking to someone you trust helps a great deal. Also finding a good support group of people who have been through similar situations helps. Its all about realizing its not your fault, it happens to other people, you are not alone, not everyone is like that person who treated you so callously and inhumanely, that you are a strong person. And all that can take awhile. And its not just saying it, its actually believing it.

Users who thank motherofhighspiritedones for this post: melancholydaye

petery2k562

replied on September 13th, 2008

Supporter

I am sorry that such things happen to you. You should know that not all guys are like that.

Don't let this tragic event ruin your life, keep your chin up and be more cautious. Don't drink with people you barely know, and I guess don't let anyone but a close friend come over to your place.

Lastly those boys are a shame to us men. Taking advantage of a friend isn't right.

I hope you are doing better and if you can't talk to your friends well you can talk try talking to me.

Cheers,

Peter

Users who thank petery2k562 for this post: Fairy Godmother melancholydaye motherofhighspiritedones

Fairy Godmother

replied on September 13th, 2008

Supporter

I agree

Once again I agree with Peter............he sounds like sucha nice grounded young man. First i'd like to point out........this is called RAPE. You were under hte influence of alcohol yet those men took advantage of you. If you'd been in your right mind, this would NOT have happened. Not sure of the statue of limitations of this, but you can bet your A$$, I'd be looking into it. Second) I'd not have not one of the SOB"s for a "friend"....a true friend would never ever allow this to happen to you. As for this feelings to go away, you very well might benefit from some sort of counseling. You do need to undersand none of this was your fault. You are NOT to blame.You fell prey to others who took advantage of you. I wish I lived closer.......you cna bet your A$$, I 'd have something done baout it. This just makes me sick to think about............Stay away from these people and have nothing ot do with them. Feel free to PM anytime you wish! Hugs...............F*GM

Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: zigemyster melancholydaye motherofhighspiritedones

melancholydaye

replied on September 19th, 2008

Experienced User

i've recieved private messages saying i should go to the authorities with this, and i just know that nothing like this has ever happened to them.
i just wanted to say that a majority of women that are raped DONOT notify the authorities... i believe this is because most women get raped by people they know, and they do not want to complicate their life anymore than it already has been. thank you fairy godmother, motherofhighsweetspirits and peter for your input too. this is really the only comfort that i have, i'm not on the computer too much to reply back, but i do read everyones posts, and it has helped immensely. minidenegirl, your post helped me the most because it helps me to realize that i'm not alone in the world, but also, to hear other peoples heartache it sort of makes me feel better. I did a simular thing when a exbf cheated on me, went and read some cheating stories, and it seemed like after the first one i read i was over it. This situation is going to take more time to get over. I wish I could find a group therapy but i live in a smallish town that doesn't have much to offer. the only thing i dread is walking into walmart or something and seeing one of these guys, trying to hold my head up high, and fighting the urge to run in the other direction.

petery2k562

replied on September 19th, 2008

Supporter

Well Good Luck with everything and I am happy that you are healing well.

Please be careful and may god be with you always.

-Peter

motherofhighspiritedones

replied on September 22nd, 2008

Supporter

melancholydaye wrote:

i live in a smallish town that doesn't have much to offer. the only thing i dread is walking into walmart or something and seeing one of these guys, trying to hold my head up high, and fighting the urge to run in the other direction.

Flip 'em off Razz

furrytail

replied on September 27th, 2008

Supporter

meloncholydaye,
First I have to say that this whole situation saddens me immensely and at the same time makes me furious that not only do these sorts of things happen but that we often feel powerless to do anything about it.

I think that your coming to this forum is a great first step in helping you cope with this. I would also encourage you to seek out legal advice on this. Also, seek out a therapist or trusted health care professional (perhaps your doctor) and start some discussion about this so that you can eventually cope with the feelings that you have inside you about this incident.

I have been fortunate not to have had this happen to me, but if you ever want to chat about this, either here or in private message, please feel free to contact me.

Wendy

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