Hi,
I am 25, female...
I also have ADHD, and probably general anxiety...(anxiety for sure, I had frequent panic attacks in the pasts) And after reading and reading, I think that maybe I could suffer from dysthimia(I always feel kind of depressed since maybe 10 years, hide to cry, never tell anybody about that even close friends), but I am not a professionnal so...
I have such a hard time to really express things when I see professionnals that I think I hide many symptoms, I avoid telling them some issues...
I have had social phobia in the past (I still feel it is there but that I can control it so I have a 'normal' life
I have had an injury a few months ago at work (I work in the mountains, and a rock fell down on me and I tumbled for maybe 60 feet, took 20 hours to evacuate, due to the remote area and inclination of the slope), and the psychologist thinks I may have PTS. In this accident I got a concussion, and since the concussion I really feel out of control. I have concussion symptoms (hadaches, tinnitus, light and sound sensitivity, dizziness, constant constant fogginess), and I feel like anxiety just goes through the roof, I had a panic attack and that was the first in 3 years.
Usually I'll really try to control my emotions, and myself in the space and with people, I am in a constant sense that I need to be perfect, otherwise I am so unworthy, not noble. I really watch everything I eat, I get obsessed with chemicals and pesticides, preservatives, additives... If I can control what I eat, I will only eat raw organic. Which makes sense of course, it is healthy, but I can really feel awful if I do eat those kind of things, and obsess about what it does to the cells of my body. I obsess about my weight, I feel awful if I eat one tiny peace of fat. Altough sometimes I do eat some fat, I feel guilty all the time about it. I feel guilty when I buy products that are not fairtrade, organic etc, because then I feel I am polluting my soul, contributing to the planet's inevitable destiny of becoming a giant trash orbiting the sun... like my moral is just always controlling me. I think I have great principles, but it is not really normal to feel so bad, and obsess so much about it.
Guilt is one of my major problems, and shame, and doubt.
I doubt everything I say, everything I think, evrything I do.
On the good side, I have (since 7 years) a very patient boyfriend who tries to understand me and does his best to support me. I am very empathic and generous. I also have, I think, very strong will that eventually ends up helping me improve and overcome some of my mental and emotionnal issues, when I have the energy for it. (Just saying that makes me feel so guilty and ashamed about giving myself importance)
Even all of those thoughts and issues are irrationnals, I am lucky to have also a very rational side who kicks my butt once in a while
Also, I think one of the major reason all of that exists in me, my father is bipolar, has ADHD, and was beating my sisters when I was young (i am the youngest). I barely got a few hits.
Also, we moved avery year, and until I was 11 we were part of the Jeovah's witness, which is pretty bad for self esteem and mental sanity!
Worker's compensation sent me to a rehabilitation program for the concussion, and I have such a hard time telling them how I feel, that they think now maybe all my symptoms are probably from PST, they give me 10mg a day of citalopram for anxiety.
please, any advice?