I came home from work to a table full of empty pill bottles Trazondone (sleeping pills) 15 pills he had taken. Over 80 Effexors (his depression medication) and 30 Tylenol 3's (from when I got my wisdom teeth out) He may have taken more, but there were multipul bottles of pills. He also drank 26 oz of Vodka. I tried waking him up by shaking him and yelling. I thought he was dead. I called 911. An ambulance came very quickly. I pulled him up so that he was sitting with his head between his legs. When the ambulance got here (by then I had gotten him to open his eyes) They only opened half way and were all over the place.

They hooked him up to monitors, his heart was very fast and his blood pressure was very low. I thought forsure he was going to die today. I called his mom, dad, brother, and sister in law. I to tell them to get to this hospital "Its not good" He was in the trama ward for a long time they worked on him the entire time. He was hooked up to alot of machines and had tubes down his nose. He was with nurses and doctors for 24 hours or more in trama. Then they moved him to another room where a lady sits outside his door and checks on him. He still isn't medically clear.

There were two letters one read: word for word it says: Something is coming after me. I've been running all my whole life. I'm gonna kill it! I don't know what I am doing.

Letter two I don't have they have it at the hospital it read something like this: That he's sorry he's helpless, and about not being a good person.

He is a good person. He tries very hard to please everyone. He has depression, trouble sleeping- horrible night mears. He has social anxiety. He was molested when he was a child once by an older cousin. He drinks when he's alone ALOT to get rid of the pain it just makes him sleep and then he wakes up and cries during the day. Not everyday it goes in spurts. BUT they got closer.

I am pregnant with our first child- and am very emotional with him. Telling him constantly to get help. (he doesn't know who can help him) I am telling you its so frustrating. He works for his brother and his brother just cut his salary in half- then hes moving to commision soon (he's afraid he can't provide for a family.) His car broke down so his parents let him use theres. (they said they need it back in three weeks) He needs a car to get to work. No busses go that way. I just started a pretty good job. He wanted me to get him in there. (I told him I couldn't) He felt like crap. His WHOLE life he was a people pleaser. He pleased his parents by working hard and getting straight A's and was on the deans list all through college. He's EXTREAMLY smart, and very sensitive. He is afraid of failing. He's afraid to get the help he needs. BEcASUE what if it doesn't work again. I think WHAT IF IT DOES! It seems like we just can't find the right place.

Six weeks ago he was having problems with his life. He thought then it was a good time to die. He was continplating killing himself in a hotel room. I told his parents he's probably in a hotel there are hundreds where we live they found him and he was sitting there crying with tylenol and a bottle of vodka. He was admitted to the phyc ward for 2 weeks. Plus he got to come home for the weekend. When he got out his brother took him to mexico to try to help him feel better. he went to mexico when he came back he was worse, but thought he was better. He didn't continue with medical treatments. He didn't think they could help him. He was suppose to go for a one hour meeting here and there. MAX three times a week. I kept pushing him and he kept pushing away. However, he didn't drink for 6 weeks which is probably the longest he has quit in a long time.

He finds problems with EVERY treament center. They tell you to give it to god. He needs REALITY- Which is why I am begging you as my last resort. He needs HELP he needs the proper care and support. He needs encouragement he needs to know that he's worth the help and trust me if you can't help him at this point no one can PLEASE . In two weeks he's going to get out of the hospital again (probably) He's not himself. We need help. I need help coping and knowing this isn't my fault that morning we had an argument and I feel like I contributed. I need my boyfriend back when he's feeling better so we can have our family. I don't want him to die he's a good person and does good things. He makes people feel comfortable. He's gentle and my life mate.