Bipolar Boyfriend Breakup - Help Posted: 07-11-07 11:35am
I have been dating a guy for around 2
years who has been undergoing diagnositics
and finally seems to be being diagnosed
bipolar, which makes complete sense. He
is on meds and has seemed more under
control, instead of mountains and valleys
it's more dips and hills i guess. I have
always been supportive, sometimes too much
so and became a crutch, and have always
told him I love him for who he is no
matter what, with or with out illness.
And I still do love him more than anything
in the world, but things got really bad
over the past month. He had a really bad
episode and had to change meds and even
with docs notes he lost his job. But
after losing his job he didn't really try
anymore, at anything. We lived together
and he didn't help around the house much
at all, always procrastinated doing
anything, didn't look for a job much, and
no matter what I did he wouldn't just try.
I didn't know what else to do, all I
wanted was for him to make SOME effort
like he kept promising he would, and he
kept lying to me about it, so I ended the
2 year unhealthy rollercoaster. It kills
me. I love him so much, and he can be so
wonderful, but i couldn't live with
someone that wouldn't even try anymore. I
have a history of depression, so I know
how tough it is, but he denies being
depressed. I feel horrible, I have always
known he was sick and stayed through worse
times, but I couldn't do it anymore when
he would just keep lying to me and
wouldn't try. He seems to be doing
somewhat better than he has in the past,
but he is so dependant on me, and not at
all indepdent, and this cycle is all too
familiar. Did I do the right thing? I
still want to be with him, I just don't
know what to do anymore.
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1428 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 63
Thanked:77
Hi Posted: 07-11-07 11:39am
You absolutely did hte right thing. You
honly have one life Girlfriend, and i am
so happy you did not allow him to take you
down the drain with him. I could
understand if he went and got therapy and
meds and then went and found a job, helped
out around hte house and at least
tried.....but he is like a sponge. Do not
go back.............stay away and live
your own life. It is very hard when you
love someone and watch helplessly at what
they can do to themselves. Unless he
honestly give it an effort and proves to
you he loves you enough to get the help he
needs........you deserve your own life!
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CiaoBella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 7
Posted: 07-11-07 12:05pm
Yeah, I think you're right. Thank you.
That's what all my friends say, but I
always make excuses for him because of the
illness. I hope that he cares enough
about himself and me and US to make his
own life better, because I know he can! He
just feels so sorry for himself because of
the illness and keeps waiting for a time
when there are no hurdles to really try,
but there are never no hurdles in life.
Is that normal Bi-Polar behavior? I mean,
is it normal for people fighting the
illness to just give up and feel sorry for
themselves and waste years of their life?
I hope that he realizes it and that we can
end up back together and stronger, after I
see real progress for an extended period
of time, because he goes through cycles of
being ok, and it has never lasted more
than 3 months. God, break ups are so hard
though! We were together so long, and I
never thought we would break up.
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1428 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 63
Thanked:77
Hi Posted: 07-11-07 12:08pm
Yes, this is normal of bipolar, also of
just being depressed in general. But you
can't make someone do the right thing.
He's grown, and he basically knows what
he's doing........ As long as he's allowed
to get away with it he will. typical male
thing..........like I said, if you mean
anything to him at all, he'll go and get
the help he needs............move on
Girlfriend. Life is too short, don't waste
anymore time......we can't get it back!
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 07-11-07 12:09pm
i think you did the right thing. its hard
to deal with someone who has an illness
and im sorry you had to expeirience that.
how are you now though?
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CiaoBella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 7
Posted: 07-11-07 12:15pm
I'm havign a really hard time with the
break up because we lived together and so
he's moving his things out, and I have to
find a roommate. And when you are with a
person that long, they become your best
friend, and there are so many things I
miss about him and US. God, I hope he
fixes things. I don't even know how to
move on, I just hope it starts happening.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 07-11-07 12:29pm
CiaoBella
wrote:
I'm havign a really hard
time with the break up because we lived
together and so he's moving his things
out, and I have to find a roommate. And
when you are with a person that long, they
become your best friend, and there are so
many things I miss about him and US. God,
I hope he fixes things. I don't even know
how to move on, I just hope it starts
happening.
its hard to move on after any relationship
expecially when you LOVED that person
i hope he fixes things for YOU and you
guys relationship
he needs to realize he had some one who
really cared about him.
three things can happen:
he can realize he lost you and change for
the better and you two can try and work
things out, and make it better
he can be mad and upset and hold a grudge
against you (which most men do at first)
and be pissed at you forever. which
wouldnt be your fault
OR you both will move on. he will keep
getting worse and worse and you will have
to find something better for yourself.
im 16 yrs old and i dont know how much
this means comming from someone this young
but i hope it helps
