Thanks everyone for your support. I am writing this at a patient computer on the NICU floor.

We are still in the hospital. I am loopy being on pain medications, but I am also getting a wee bit emotional. Brian has taken a turn for the worse. Last night, he had even greater difficulty breathing so they had to intubate him. He has been doing better until a few hours ago when they stated he was having difficulty breathing given a good amount of oxygen. The staff is currently giving him an echocardiogram to check to see if he has any rare heart conditions they could be missing. There are about 8 people surrounding his bed right now checking his condition.

Now the theory is he was born with premature lungs. Nathan was born at 41 weeks and he even had some difficulty breathing. He wasn't too bad so he didn't need NICU. If this is the case, then my baby really needed to be a full term or even beyond full term for lung development. He just wanted to come out and I was in active labor. There was no way of knowing this would happen.

First the doctors will examine the echocardiogram and if that comes back normal, they will be giving him surfactant. They stated that if underdeveloped lungs is the problem, the surfactant should start working within hours. I pray that will help.

I can't wait to just hold my baby. I strongly believe in immediate bonding time with your baby after birth but my poor lil' guy didn't get that. I probably won't get to hold him for at least a few days. I will be dismissed in a day or two and will most likely be leaving the hospital empty handed. This will be extremely emotional. There are babies in the NICU who are more sick and smaller than Brian, so I am still thankful that the situation isn't worse.

I am exhausted and am in pain. I am writing this post on a double dose of pain medication. I am surprised I haven't fallen alseep just by writing this.