i dont know whybut i feel like pure !@#$ today.. reese is out of formula i have NO ride to the store and the store is like a hour walk away and its REALLY hot out.. i would ask my gpa to take me but shawns sister took reese and i cant really leave not knowing when she will be back.. im stressed out.. i need to make bottles but i cant... i asked shawn to take me but he put it off then he got called into work.. then he kept saying "well you can wait to get it and just feed him food, we got lots of food" im sorry but baby food isnt going to cut it, reese dosnt like juice or water so he will have NOTHING to drink and he wont be happy with food and just food, he never is, he always wants a bottle like 10-20 minutes after eating a jar of food..
after shawns sister took reese and i closed the door i just burst into tears, i felt like crap for handing him over i dont know why i did... he wasnt in a good mood either, he was tired and just not happy...
the other day mny grandma told me that walmart is having a clearance sale, so shawn and i went to see what was all on sale.. the engagment and wedding band set that i like is on sale for 100$!!!! i told shawn and he said "well thats a good price but im not getting it" and i asked why and he said "because then you will expect me to ask you to marry me, and you'll always be expecting it" and i got pissed off because hes always having some stupid excuse so i said " no i wont expect you to marry me, i never will, you never want to talk about being married, you never want to talk about marrage in any way.. if you dont want to get married just f-ing tell me! i know you dont, i can tell so stop screwing with me all the time and just admit to it." and he was like "well i do want to get married to you, its just i dont want you to expect it". on top of that he told me that he wont ever ask me until i stop saying .a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g at all about marrage.. what im a girl we talk about that we get excited about that. we've dreapt about that since we were little girls, we drempt what it might be like, who they would be, how we would want it, who we would want there! so what is he wanting me to be like.. im sorry if im not talking about marriage im not thinking about it, and if im not thinking about it, i dont want it.. so does he want me to not want to get married to ask me? well if thats what he wants the answer he would get would be a big fat .n.o rather then a yes.
im sorry about the rant and all, but i really needed this to get off my cheast before i have a big melt down and become a puddle on the floor.