Schizophrenia Forum - Schizophrenia? Maybe Not Always ...

Has high tech era crime begun to influence health? If so, how?

Fatigue has been reported by some medical doctors as the most common complaint heard from their patients. Inability to concentrate is another common complaint.

These ailments can have many causes. Often they are long term chronic. Interestingly, they also happen to be symptoms of elevated exposure to microwave radio signals.

In recent years, evidence has been mounting that proximity to cell phone towers and other sources of radio frequency signals is a likely causative factor for some people.

Some people, however, report a SUDDEN onset of symptoms, like fatigue and inability to concentrate, without being close to antenna installations or having moved. With all the health activism "noise" being made about cell phone towers, sudden onset microwave exposure symptoms haven't attracted much attention.

Except for Dr. Reinhard Munzert of Erlangen, Germany.

Dr. Munzert has been paying considerable attention to sudden onset microwave exposure symptoms, and has presented what he has learned on this web site:

http://www.mik rowellenterror.de/english/index.htm

Dr. Munzert has come to the shocking conclusion that some sudden onset microwave symptoms are the result of CRIMINAL use of microwave technology.

Let me quote a couple of paragraphs from Dr. Munzert's site, describing the criminal uses of microwave technology:

"Not only the good guys can apply non-lethal weapons: '...there is mounting evidence that home-brew HPM weapons are being used to attack people...The latest research and finding on this horrific trend in Europe is quite frightening' (News from Infowar, Volume I Number 6, August 28, 2002).

"[snip] ... Through the illegal usage of innovative high-tech weapons, people are not 'shot', rather their living quarters are bathed in (high frequency) electromagnetic waves. A high tech-gang in Germany is using and testing HPM-weapons that supply continous or pulsed waves over long periods of time.

"The effects of the HPM-beam on the victims include headache, irregular heartbeat, painful testes, burned skin, eye damage and cancer."

Readers can be forgiven for responding, "Oh, well, that kind of thing doesn't happen in my neighbourhood", or, "My neighbours have trouble changing light bulbs - they certainly don't know how to build high-tech weapons" or "Oh, that kind of thing only happens in military test labs."

Dr. Munzert captured a screen shot of an amazon.com description of a book titled "The Poor Man's Ray Gun" by David Gunn. At the time Dr. Munzert captured the blurb about this 24 page book, which describes construction of a microwave weapon using microwave oven parts, this sentence was posted on the amazon.com site:

"The author shows in complete detail, and with plenty of photographs and diagrams, how to build a ray gun that is capable of setting fire to a piece of plywood at 500 feet made from only parts of a microwave oven."

(That sentence isn't on the current amazon.com site; not hard to wonder why!)

Let me comment that in terms of creating sudden onset symptoms, a tightly focussed "ray gun" would not be useful to a criminal wishing to target someone, because along with symptoms it would heat the walls of a targeted home, setting them on fire, thus exposing the criminal act. The reason David Gunn's ray gun creates fires, and not subtle physiological symptoms, is the tightness of focus.

Far more relevant to the question of criminal activity causing sudden onset symptoms would be the simple NON-focussed, door-removed microwave oven. By removing the door, and of course, bypassing the interlock switch that shuts the oven off when the door is opened, a wide, not tightly focussed microwave beam is emitted.

Well within the capability of the average teenager.

This form of a weaponized microwave oven would not cause fires, and used through, say, an apartment wall, might not produce enough heating of a person on the other side of the wall to be directly noticeable.

But other rather serious side effects of exposure to non-burning microwave radiation - headache, irregular heartbeat, fatigue, inability to concentrate, painful testes, eye damage and cancer - can devastate a target of a simple door-removed microwave oven.

Dr. Munzert's site claims there are targets of criminal use of microwave radiation in Germany. To date, this writer is not aware of a single case where a court has acknowledged the criminal use of microwave signals anywhere in the world.

Does that mean it's not happening? Does that mean we don't need to worry about that, "... thank God?"

Good question. This writer has heard one report, indirectly, from a close friend who lives in central Texas, that one instance of use of a microwave oven to harass students in a university dorm did occur. Unfortunately, proof in the form of a police report and/or mainstream media article hasn't come to light.

And of course, there's that January 2004 report from the U.S. Department of Justice titled "Report to Congress on Implementation of Section 1001 of the USA PATRIOT Act", section III. Civil Rights and Civil Liberties Complaints, in which 720 complaints were received in a 6-month period, curiously labelled "unrelated."

A footnote explains what "unrelated" means:

"Examples of this category include complaints that the government is broadcasting harmful electronic signals to individuals, claims that the government is intercepting dreams, and allegations that the government is using subliminal messages to force people to engage in certain acts."

720 complaints acknowledged by a major federal justice agency in 6 months is more than just a few.

And, "harmful electronic signals" - could that be the use of weaponized microwave ovens?

Is it possible the targets alleging "government" is targeting them with harmful electronic signals are doing so because of the now obvious misapprehension that harmful signals exist only in military laboratories? Dr. Munzert's site shows that is certainly no longer true, and hasn't been true for as long as microwave ovens have been available.

This writer doesn't have firm answers to these questions. However, let me share some other things that have been done with radio signals and are also capable of penetrating walls, at least non-conducting walls.

Let's look at a really ancient medical device, the Russian-designed "Lida" machine. This machine was originally designed as a drugless sedation device. It carries a U.S. patent number, 3,773,049.

One of these units was obtained from the Soviet Union and studied by Dr. Eldon Byrd and Dr. Ross Adey, at the Loma Linda Veterans Hospital, Research Unit. The earliest known sighting of a Lida machine was in a North Korean prisoner of war camp by a repatriated POW, captured during the Korean War.

The Lida doesn't use microwave, although there is more recent literature indicating that microwave frequencies can also be used. The basic method of the Lida machine is very much like biofeedback - except instead of the commonly used sound feedback, the Lida transmits simple pulses of radio signal at rates matching relaxed brain activity.

The original Lida machine transmitted in the medical equipment band at 40 megahertz, at a power level of 40 watts.

Drs. Byrd and Ross are on record as verifying that the unit works on animals, but this writer hasn't seen literature on human testing. It is likely that concerns about medical effects of exposure to radio frequency radiation have prevented this technology from coming into general use.

The process of inducing brain activity to change speed by applying pulsed radio signals is called "entrainment." Listening to certain sounds can accomplish the same thing, though sounds are consciously perceived, while the Lida principle could, in theory, be applied through walls to cause someone to be forced into a state of drowsiness without their understanding why.

Would the use of a Lida-like machine in the workplace, without the target being aware, constitute criminal causation of sudden onset symptoms? Well, overwhelming fatigue on the job has been reported by some of those 720 people complaining to the U.S. Department of Justice.

Perhaps even more invasive, what would be the outcome of setting the pulse rate of a Lida-like device a bit higher, into the WIDE AWAKE brain activity speed range? What if such a signal were aimed at the bedroom of a target, either through an apartment wall, or, with tighter focus, from a neighbouring house?

Would keeping someone wide awake at night, with very little chance they could figure out how or why, be sudden onset symptoms caused by criminal activity?

Here again, some of those 720 people complaining to the Department of Justice do indeed complain of heavy sleep deprivation, lasting years.

And pulsing radio transmitters are easily available to those who would like to "settle a beef" with a neighbour and who has the skills to set up and operate the equipment.

Already, we have seen that quite a range of disabling symptoms can be caused by microwave signals and radio signals in general, and the U.S. Department of Justice registered 720 complaints of this nature over just six months. It's becoming clear that there actually are criminals at work.

Among those complaining about radio frequency harassment, many report that police deny such crimes are possible, even though both microwave ovens and Lida technology have been available, not classified, for some decades now.

Are there any other radio frequency technologies which are available to criminals? The answer is emphatically, yes.

Next on the list are the now popular airport luggage and cargo scanners, some of which operate at the top of the microwave frequency range. Several years ago, this writer phoned a Massachusetts maker of these scanners, and the salesman told me I could have a unit, no questions asked, if I handed over something like $100,000. I stressed that I was in no way connected with any law enforcement agency, and that was "no problem."

The reader probably doesn't need help imagining how "through wall radar" scanners might be used by those of criminal inclination.

Interesting too, that those who have complained about electronic harassment report noises from neighbours, especially in apartment settings, which are perfectly synchronized with the actions of the targeted person. One target complains that for years, every time she would start to urinate, the water in the downstairs bathroom would be turned on, and kept on, and turned off when the target's urine stream stopped. Every time.

By now some readers will be thinking, there can't be any more, can there? Unfortunately for society, yes, there is more.

In World War II, radar came into being. Technicians standing near energized antennas discovered that the radar signals, which are streams of very short, powerful microwave pulses, cause a buzzing sound to be heard, as if it were originating within or behind the skull.

Simply, one short pulse of microwave signal causes one click in the hearing sense of someone standing in line with a moderately powerful signal.

We don't hear ordinary microwave communications signals because they aren't short pulses. It's the pulsing that acts like tapping a nail with a hammer, to force sound into the hearer's hearing sense.

In 1974, at the University of Utah, the successful transmission of VOICE into the skull of a test subject, using only a pulsed microwave signal, with no special implants or other artificial aids, was announced. The experimenter was Dr. Joseph Sharp, then affiliated with the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, using a pulsed microwave transmitter supplied by Dr. Joseph Lin of the University of Chicago.

Dr. Sharp used a simple algorithm to convert a smooth voice wave form into a string of "clicks", with each click being sent at the test subject as a short microwave pulse.

Sharp's success was published in the official journal of the American Psychological Association, "American Psychologist", in their March, 1975 issue.

And not unexpectedly, the U.S. Air Force announced an updated version of "voice to skull" with better fidelity than Joseph Sharp's original, in 1994.

A moderately powerful radar set can produce a buzzing sound in the skull of someone in direct line with the antenna. A couple of hundred watts will do, and that's not huge piece of equipment.

A criminal wanting the ultimate "revenge weapon" need only co-opt the services of a radar technician, to modify the set so that Joseph Sharp's voice conversion method would control the pulsing. The criminal can then, from hiding, through non-conducting walls, force a target in the next apartment or house to hear things, including voices, involuntarily.

A little pricey, but not out of reach of the upper middle class. Not at all.

By now, you can probably guess, YES, many of the 720 people complaining to the Justice Department also hear various strange sounds, including voices.

But for 33 years, it has been no secret that this can be done by equipment, and is not a guaranteed indication that the hearer is mentally ill. Unfortunately, just as most police officers deny radio frequency crimes are possible, so do most psychiatrists, resulting in false diagnoses, and heaping considerable trouble on already struggling targets of radio frequency crimes.

As of the date of writing, those are the proven beyond doubt, through wall, radio frequency weapons available to the sophisticated criminal. But there is one little encore item, called "Silent Sound." Silent Sound carries U.S. patent #5,159,703.

Know about those telephone voice changers? Which can take a deep male voice and move it up into a high female frequency range to disguise the caller? Well, "Silent Sound" uses a similar technology to raise a speaker's voice a little higher, up near the upper limit of hearing.

At frequencies around 14,500 Hertz, a voice sounds mostly like a faint "ringing in the ears."

Someone hearing "Silent Sound", which isn't truly silent, just hears a faint ringing, and can't make out any words. So what use is "Silent Sound?"

Proponents claim it makes for dandy subliminal messages. Much better, they say, than the older "time slice" subliminal method in which every so many frames of a movie would show goodies available at the snack counter.

And "subliminals" are basically "lite" hypnosis. How well they work depends on the ability of the hearer to be hypnotized. Statistically, it's been reported that something like 4 out of 5 people can be hypnotically influenced to some degree.

All that's needed is some means of CONVEYING the "Silent Sound" to the target, such as pulsed microwave "voice to skull" technology, and not only can you force your neighbour to listen to you through his or her non-conductive walls, but you may be able to play "hypnotic tricks" on your target!

Best of all, for the revenge artist, the target can't even talk about what he or she hears without instantly being labelled a nut case.

There are more sophisticated versions of "Silent Sound" where the later patents deal with how to control volume level in stores, but the basic technology has been reported as effective in reducing shoplifting according to department stores using subliminals.

At this point, reader, you are probably wondering about the folks complaining about electronic harassment. Yes, they DO, once again, report "ringing in the ears" quite often!

A final point to ponder. Unknown to many, organized groups of over-zealous "law and order" groups of citizens have been quietly forming and operating throughout the U.S. and Canada. These groups have been documented as harassing people who are "not liked" for various reasons - going well beyond simply watching out for genuine criminal activity.

(Search for "Cause Stalking" on amazon.com, or google, for a book on this topic.)

Is it possible such groups have taken notice of the technologies described here?

[Eleanor White is a retired engineer and has been a ham radio operator since the 1950s.]

i'm sz, but i can hold it in. And that's the trick. and how hard is it? it takes energy. alot of energy. that's what's behind the power breakfast, and the 50 dollars a day worth of 7000 calorie intake, this is one huge circus i run. and i've always said that i could be 'caught' at my insanity, if only society had the resources to follow me around twenty four hours a day. Because I can't maintain the wall of 'sane' around my 'insanity' up 24 hours a day. it's unnatural. I've had the situation all my life. yes, visual and auditory hallucinations, much more on the mechanics of that coming up, but i recently saw 1408 the movie, and room 1408 is my situation. only i can leave and go back in anytime i want. but it's exactly that crazy in there. the guy has to deal with it. michael eslin the writer;and so he take s a bit of the tack that i have learned to take. i command the spirits before me, overcome them with my will. it's the only way. i would describe how i learned this as 'shamanism training', and i think it's a shame that people in this situation without shamanism training are termed sz in this soceity, and drugged into submission. i would also venture a theory that this 'madness' in room 1408, the sz, the demon world, the hallucinations, the collective unconscious even maybe, this madness learns to groom itself into the human world through parental guidance in the early years. i see a mom take the 4 year old in the temper tantrum on the bus, hold the kids head steady, look straight into the kids eyes, and say firmly 'you will STOP that'. that's how most people cut off the demon world from the human world, i think. like when i see the parent of the 18 year old say 'you do your best to raise them, you try to teach them right from wrong, and then look what they go out and do', again i think this is the dialog between reason and madness, between human and demon world.

this culture leaves that stuff as 'just dreams', 'leave it in the night where it belongs.' other cultures grab the dreamer and make him explain it to the community, and if the dreamer is good enough he is the shaman. the magical assistance of the tribe, interacting with the unseen forces. whether they be modern physics 'higgs field', or sprites and goblins, we could always use some help with the more-than-meets-the-eye.

i grew up in this culture. dreams from the outset. the demon world. not till 18 years old was i set free in the libraries of america, in the college and universities, in the New York City 'stacks' beneath Bryant Park, in the book stores of america, and even a little bit on this 'internet', did i discover the hallucinogenic cultures of the world, and their alternate understandings of reality. and i developed 'apperception', the ability to believe in more than one valid way of looking at the world. i have a theory that people who graduate collee loose the capacity for apperception, which has to be developed before about the age of 21, and i saw what college was doing - giving you more to read than you can handle, so you can't cover any other material, and then telling you how to interpret what you read. i dropped right out and retreated to the library, apperceptive capacity intact.

and i looked to the mysteries of modern science to develop my own alternate and equally valid way of looking at the world, thereby becomming a world visionary leader, as i always assumed i was, having been born to a roman catholic priest and a catholic nun who had run away from her home in mexico, where she lived with her mytical aztec sorceress grandmother. i tell people i walk around in a non-ordinary universe model. i have articles that i have integrated together so that i can explain away gravity. in my 'world', the earth pushes up, not pulls down, and that's another whole essay i already have somewhere.

i have a theory, it's only a theory, of how this works. i have a right brain and left brain. colin wilson in the sixties wrote a book, 'the bicameral critic', about experiments using one brain or the other. breathing in through one nostril to activate the opposite brain. i did an experiment later in life from a guy in an article who said to drop cold water in each ear, one by one, to notice the different mood, activating that particular hemisphere. what i discovered that aternoon walking backk up the hill frm the diner to the computer admin job i had (which i was later kicked out of, lead away by the fbi, thinking i was a terrorist. it usually ends that way. can't keep the craziness locked up forever. never actually hurt anybody though, just manipulate their minds about the risk of having me around), and here's what i learned about my bicameral mind:

i think the emotional right brain suffered severe trauma - ask me about my crazy mother while i was growing up, who practically ensured sz later in life - and i came up, under intense stress, with the survival tactic sometimes taken, where the left brain is comandeered to grow a new imitation replacement right brain. i can't do math. i mean i took calc I in college, but now i can't do math, don't know how much money i have, just vaguely kow how long i can go for till i need to work, i refuse to compare the values of two numbers. it makes me depressed. to calculate with my mathematical left brain is to leave the right brain, 2 year old stunted emotional personality in place. dangerous, too, 'cause the left brain, when it's not doing math, is the wall of energy over the two year old emotional mind. and it's the artificial personality talking to you here and now. got good at this around 21 years old, in college dorms. started working on it in 1st grade. miserable at it till atleast mid way through high school. at 41, i'm a star, at the top of my field, at managing my class and doing a dynamic presenation. i'm a citrix politician, 'cause i've just learned all the right things to say to make the students love me. i have the top evals in the country. and i stopped gettiing the rave revviews the few months i was on seroquel, so they are responding to the sz. the high, manic energy level. the entertainment of madness. (though i act like a sane computer manager or something, till after evals on te last day, maybe.) one time someone said he thought i was either gay or crazy, from the animated personality. this disturbed me a little, i wonder how many people assume i'm gay, 'cause i'm not, but i guess whatever. but that's why i think it shows no matter what. i used to think i could convince anyone that i am sane or insane, depending on what i choose. i can't really. insane, sure. but for sanity, the best i get from the pdoc is 'schizotypal personality disorder' and a recommendation for antipsychotics or ssri's.

i know that i don't deal well with stress. when my survival is threaned, or, worse, when a conflict bagins to brew over anything, i jump into 'mind-to-mind conflict' mode, which is very sz, and there is no beating me, i'll gradually escalate to the point where everybody dies and all is destroyed, unless the opponent takes an opportunity offered to step back. so that's the worst side of the sz. no, i know, it's my delusions of power.

the hallucinations, both visual and auditory, all my life, have always been clearly distinguishable from consensual reality. the demons are made of a different essence, give off a brighter light, i've never had trouble knowing the difference, sometimes the halluciantion is vivid but more often, unless i am shamanic journeying or dreaming, the hallucianation is more fleeting and part of the imagination realm. auditory i have to go looking for. when bored, on a bus, i get outside my body , go out on top of the bus, maybe talk to a tree or go inside the mountain and look for demons to talk to. and the stuff i get is always in metaphor format, with lots of stuff to 'pull out' over the course of the next 24 hours, preferable mediating on a mountain hike.

for instance, a few weeks ago, i was researching madness, and i went to do a shamanic journey to get more information, i had gotten bogged down and confused, with 'what is the benefit of madness, i know there must be SOMETHING'. I went in and got, the typical metaphors. vision, then audio in caps.

A mind becomes objective to itself: the castle is like a grand central train station, trains going out in every direction, above ground, (and coming back, from every direction, below ground); Beneath the white castle, four black stakes penetrate deep into the earth, and a single red light like Rudolph’s red nose is placed at the top of a central tower, where a central figure – a homunculus that feels like the force of will itself – can look out on the surrounding hills, valleys, and towns, like a panopticon of the soul. The central figure pulls a book from the library in the tower, and as he reads, the pages are produced dynamically, from the steam rising up out of the black pipes below. The book he is reading is called “MADNESS RISING”;

“PRIVATE GIGGLES IN A POSTCARD TO YOU: OUT OF A GOLDEN LAKE, MOLTEN LAVA RISES UP LIKE A TADPOLE THAT CATCHES THE ECSTATIC DRUMBEAT OF TIME AND LEARNS TO RIDE THE AIR; HOPE AND PROMISE TWINKLE AS ICICLES AN INCREASINGLY COMPLEX TADPOLE CAN NEVER QUITE MASTER, MYSTERY AND WONDER FLYING ABOVE THE SURFACE OF THE LAKE AGAIN AND AGAIN.”

took a day in the mountains to break it down:

It was the answer to "where does madness fit in to the scheme of things." the mind became illuminated to itself, instead of just being a big black box, "it's all in your mind" was never a helpful comment. now the mind can be analyzed as a vision. the mind was a big castle, connected to the body though deep pipes that allow steam to rise up - like the 18th century ideas of "humours" and "vapors" of the body that affect the mind. And a homunculus - a tiny man in charge of orchestrating everything - is in the central tower, looking out on the hills and lakes and villages of the soul.
And as turbulent wind affects the environment, the homunculus/will is in charge of orchestrating everything back to the best possible scenario.

There's a huge "heat gradient" across this landscape that this will looks out upon: the higher regions, corresponding to the height of the castle tower, are cold. icicles hang. hope and promise. i could add the material world, comfort, companionship, etc. this is available only in the upper, colder reaches.

Mankind at this point in its development has risen out of the lower,, hot, molten, alchemical (molten gold lake), and has reached the frigid heights. Continuous landscape that it is, the upper reaches are constantly threatened to be overcome by the hot below (the lake of "madness"); so the cold upper reaches have tried to close the door, stop talking to unreason, confine it in the sanitarium, drug it with SSRI's, but keep it from melting our icicles of "hope and promise".

But the homunculus itself is the evolution of the tadpole-from-the-depths, that's not only the source, where it came from, but it's what will sooner or later be needed to rise up again, when there's a crisis, when the red light on the top of the castle comes on. that's when the homunculus will have to raise up more "mystery and wonder", when there's no more "hope and promise" to cling to.

I am the homunculus. I lead my own soul, in and out of madness. I flood the upper reaches with storms of molten gold. I let them drip off and dry and freeze, for a little while, see what kind of butterfly emerges from the cocoon, but I am a wildly experimental homunculus, and I get bored with my cold and frail little butterflies of "proper behavior in the physical moral human social world", and I choose to raise up continuous streams of phantasms, out of the molten gold lake of madness.

Did I find my way out? I gained and understanding of madness from the madness itself; I will continue to inhabit and guide my own soul-landscape, and mine will be full of the molten tadpoles turning to fiery dragons, the dragons of "mystery and wonder".

So i have these ideas racing through my head, along with the ideas in the email to my exwife this morning, about 'balance' and 'polarity' and 'all-or-nothing', and this is the break between my class sessions. it's lunch now, and lunch break is almost over. one more thing to say, about 'bracketing'.....

the year after i dropped out of college, 20 years ago, i went to the lower level of a library in the bronx. i read a book about existentialism, and then a book by the philosopher Hume. Hume had a huge influence on me by telling me one simple thing, at that critical time when i was about to go into all the libraries and read everything about world religions and spirituality. he said that we are allowed to do 'bracketing'. most people have the mindset that they grew up with, and look at other things only through the lens of their own beliefs, out of a fear of losing themselves in something foreign, and out of the mistaken impression that they have only one mind. Hume proposed 'bracketing' your own beliefs - completely setting them aside - only temporarily, there's nothing wrong with this, then totally believing EVERYTHING in the new mindset of another completely different culture, 'cause only then will you be able to judge the worth of that mindset. and that's how apperception is developed.

so bracketing is what i've learned to do, always. i come to work with my wierd beliefs, like the god of my own religion. delusions of grandeur, and power. hard to contain. i bracket it and play the citrix guy in class. then at break, go back to my crazy self and write this email, (now 2:45 pm and the last break of the afternoon. see how this is the fun part of my day, the rest is what i get paid to do?)

delusions of power are the hardest part to keep contained. in any conflict i fly into the rage of a god. it's a mistake, but frequently made.

how do i 'hold it in', and what about the hallucinations - auditory and visual, how do you tell the difference? all about the integration of madness and reality. as i was watching law and order last night, the district attourney made the comment to the defense attourney: 'so you turn the courtroom into alice in wonderland?!?' because she wanted to discuss the possibility that her client believed a 'god' would 'strike down a soul', and this was psychotic, in the context of the story. the point is the atitude of humanity toward 'alice in wonderland'. hard to integrate these two mindsets, these two worlds.

another book way back around when i read hume, was carlos casteneda. i remember reading several books in order from him, but as with many authors, it was the first that made the lasting impression. i have told people to start with that as apprentice to shamanism. here is the critical scene: carlos goes into the mexican wilderness, and discovers don juan, a yaqi shaman, who shows carlos his magic powers and gradually makes carlos the shaman apprentice. carlos had to beg to be taught the magic. the first thing don juan said to carlos when he agreed to teach him was - carlos, you will go to the top of this cliff, and stand there as long as you need to, before you jump off. if you have the slightest doubt, you will die at the bottom of the ravine.but if you fiure it out, if you get it right, you will just bounce when you get to the bottom. with this bounce you will arive back at the top, and THEN we can get started with your training.

it's like a zen koan. mentally digest THAT story. get to the point where you're ready to become a shaman. the mental processing of that koan has to do with learning how to integrate two realities into eachother. our american culture doesn't understand, and calls this sz. but the mexican pre-columbian culture mapped the hallucinogenic worlds. aztec, taoist, russian irrationalism, etc. but not our culture. but they gave us the libraries! (i used to say, if you don't want other people to turn out like me, and as leader of this country i wouldn't, then you should call out the F-16's and bomb the libraries to rubble. and the barnes and noble and borders. and hack amazon.com off the internet. burn the books. leave only consensual reality, and burn the 'witches' at the stake. but it's too late now.)

problem with me is i have so much energy inside. i find sanity is an energy management issue, and i try hard, with lots of exersize, reading, and hard work, but sometimes it gets away from me. In the stressful situations that threaten my survival, the energy to maintain the insulating firewall between the right and left brain degrades. at some point i give up the effort, and it's not like i 'can't stop, but it's more like i stopped trying. and i let out the 'demons'. that's what people call 'acting out'. it's battle mode. mind-to-mind combat. i have a powerful arsenal, and unfortunatly, a whole section of the frontal lobes devoted to warfare. it activates in confrontational situations. acting out doesn't always have to happen, but the ideation is almost inevitable. and usually i just scare people by presenting the ideation, and that's enough, though since i always pull all the punches, eventually i loose credibility.

rush used to have a line in a song: "if i could only reach that dial inside, and turn it up", well, i went in search of the dial, ound it, and turned it ALL THE WAY up.
i got the energy in me through extreme magical discoveries: red shift space kenosis. i eat the chi at the center of large astrophysical objects; people look at the sun and consider if it's up or down. astronomers look at the sunspots, and contemplate the surface of the sun. astrophysists, like the lead guitarist from Queen, describe the inner lobes of the sun and the convection of gasses, and the astration of metals at the center. taoists travel to the center of the sun and sit down with the king and queen of the sun, and drink it's luminescense in tea. so looking at the largest astrophysical dark pools of black holes at the center of HLIRGs - hyper luminous infra red galaxies - a taoist can get access to alot of chi in 21st century astrophysics. there's alot more to this that led to my potency against time. whole other story.

these hallucinations, both auditory and visual, though i can acheive them in waking reality, do not usually appear there. i do alot of dreaming. used to practice dream yoga, way too powerful magic for me, but i saw all the dreams i ever had all together as cells in a jail, and how they all worked together and made sense. i have been lucid dreaming since age 5. and there is a remarkable consistency in the dream world of the special dreams of the year, and the shamanic jouneying that i learned in my late tweties, that i am good at, where i use a drum tape and travel for 20 minutes to other dimensions where i work with the demons.

But I used to have a permanent demon head in a second field of vision above my regular field of vision. a professional shaman removed it with instant surgery through her eyeball to mine. another story.

i have two modes of 'being' in public, i guess. the main one only 'sees' what most people see, consensual reality, no auditory or visual hallucinations. and theis is actually the easier, more natural mode for me, except in periods of extreme stress (even physical stress - shovel snow for 5 hours, lie down and look up, and ride the lightning across the cloud tops in visual and auditory hallucinations). but in order to act like a normal, high-performance human being, technical instructor, i see only what they see. But. I have a recorder on. it records the 'other' stuff'. for me to go see that stuff live, i can 'turn it on' and look, but then i am kind of comatose, can't really interact or look sharp. so i usually just record it in public, then go home to my private room, lie down, and either in the drum tape or as i am starting to go to sleep, replay the day but looking at all the extra. who had demons around them. even who else was a powerful shaman.

-onderdonk