Obsessed & I Don't Even Know Him

You need to find something that will keep you busy and keep you from thinking so much about this "mystery person". Go volunteer at the animal shelter or senior center. Go to a craft store and pick up materials to begin a new project. You do realize this is fantasy world, get a grip Girlfriend and get on with your life...there are lots of nice guys right around you, if you'd just let the computer world go and go out and find him. And yes, it is that easy....stay away form the computer...........its whos in control...you or the computer???????????????DUH

Haha thank you for the response

It's so hard though. He's just like... the perfect guy. I know that means nothing to anyone reading this but he's adorable, funny, nice, and he seems to basically be me in a guy's body.

That and he lives less than 50 miles from me so my mind automatically has the "someday we'll meet" fantasy bs thing going on.

I went out with my friend last night and I just wanted to get home to see if he was online. I texted him the whole time I was out.

I'm just... pathetic!

I've tried forgetting about him and just moving on and every time I feel I've made some progress, he says something to me to draw me right back in.

He's like crack.

I don't know what it is about him.

well if hes like crack thats not good! lol

yeah i know its hard for you to do but you dont wanna get in too deep just in case you get your heart broken!

Have you seen apicture of this guy, and how well do you know him? Job? Where he lives, age likes and dislikes.......I'm gonna sound liek a Mom but what the hell....this guy could very well be married with 4 kids, an ex con with no job. He could be 60 years old and telling you whatever he thinks you want to hear just to get his kicks. Now, there is always the possibility he is up front and genuine. Just looking out for your heart sweetie......Yes, I am a Mom and this is what I'd tell my own daughter.......the wonders of hte internet is you can be who you want to be and who is gonna find out? Balls in your court!

Does the guy know you really dig him? If he does know and he is not interested in the type of relationship you are seeking then I would not invest your time and energy. I say this because lets say you are just friends online for a while, you would still possibly have the same feelings you have now and that would be just downright frustrating. Its so very easy to invest every bit of yourself into a relationship you believe will form in the future. I have done this many times, letting someone else control my life and they don't even know they are. Its a weird and sometimes painful feeling, so I definitely know where you are coming from. The one thing about what you are experiencing, is that i am pretty sure just about everyone has had that feeling or come close. I felt compelled to respond here just because I know how frustrating it can be. Also reading some of the great posts on this forum, I have come to realize that you being obsessed over this guy may be due to something inside of you. In my situation, over time I had to look inside of myself and figure out why I invested so much time and energy into a relationship that was either non existent or not certain. I hope that this gets the ball rolling for you.

Thank you for the responses.

I know it sounds shaky but he's not a creepy old man. I have dozens upon dozens of pictures of him.

If I ask him to take a picture of himself he does right away and sends it to me. I don't know super private details about him.

I don't know his last name or his address, he doesn't know mine either. I'm not going to reveal everything about myself to someone I have never met. I haven't even shown him my face...

I think he may have an idea that I'm slightly interested. We joke around all the time about that kind of stuff but I hope he doesn't know he means this much to me.

You guys are great, seriously. I've gotten a lot of great advice on these boards and I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it.

I guess this is the little girl in me thinking that I've found the ONE guy for me or something. I mean, who knows, someday maybe we'll meet and just become friends.

I know if I go on like this, I will end up getting hurt, as you have told me. That's why I'm on here asking for advice.

But, as I said, he's not a creepy 60 year old man. I've made sure of that

Hey I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and thank GOD I'm not the only one who has done this and who has felt a little wierd about it too. I actually went through the whole internet love thing when I was 17. Of course at that age I really didn't know what I wanted in life anyway, as a matter of fact, I still am not quite sure (Im 23 now)... but after all the negative things that one could say about an internet relationship, I must admit that it made me feel kinda giddy and happy whenever I "chatted" with him online. The only difference between your situation and my situation is that I actually spoke to him a few times on the phone. Wow he had the sexiest voice, I used to think.... But eventually, one day, out of the blue he just stopped emailing me or IM-ing me and broke my heart soooo badly...and yes I was obsessed with him too... then I realized what an imaginary little world I had created with this stranged whom I really didn't know... He could be a murderer for all I knew..... but I didn't realize how rediculous it was until after the "relationship" had ended. I was angry and hurt and it actually took me a while to move on.... The only advice that I can give you is to make sure that you are readily prepared for whatever may happen..... You have no idea when or why the "relationship" will end, but you must be prepared for the worst, otherwise you will find yourself heartbroken and a little embarrassed with yourself for falling in love with someone who, in a way, doesn't really play a major role in your daily life.....If it is meant to happen, it WILL happen, if not, on the other hand, just keep in mind that there are WAY too many great men and great friends out in the world to let one person ruin your happiness and self confidence. It has happened to me one too many times ( more like a million too many times) and it something that NO woman should have to experience.

Take care and I hope I have given you a little bit of a different perspective.

Amanda

Your response means a lot, seeing as how you seem to have been in my shoes.

He and I have actually been in the same place at the same time and not even known it (concerts a couple years ago and whatnot).

It wouldn't be hard for me to meet him at all. I could just show up at an event that he is attending (he goes out a lot to shows and stuff). It's just a shyness factor for me. He and I have talked about some pretty personal issues that would make a face to face conversation a little awkward.

Maybe that's a good thing.

I mean, we've only "known" each other for less than a year so it could very well end soon, but then it could continue. I have no idea.

I mean, I feel like a hypocrite posting this thread.

On one hand, I really DO want to stop being this obsessed over him. It's creepy and I know he'd find it creepy if he knew I felt like this.

But on the other hand, he makes me feel good about myself. If I discuss something about myself that I feel makes me less desireable, he comforts me and relates something he's been through to my situation and makes me feel better.

He's a good guy and although I don't know him in real life, I haven't come across many men like him. Maybe that's why I'm clinging to him so much. I feel he's special and I really want someone like that in my life... I don't know... Ugh...

lust sucks.

lust does suck

but if its meant to be it will be and remember one day in 10 days or 10 weeks or 10 months or years even if you two end up together you can look back and say "oh thats why that happened"

i know the hurt i ahd to go through with travis reflects who we have become now. i was so madly in love with him. and so much stood in the way of it but finally we both said screw this and fought until we won each other for good :] and now were 17 weeks pregnant and i never ever thought in a million years this would happen and then it did

maybe thats how you and him are ment for each other ? :]

Bringing this back up. He's going back to school and I'm terrified he'll drift off.

Since he's been on break from school, he's been working basically the same hours I have and we spent all day texting each other. Every day.

Now that's going to end and I'm not sure how I'll react to it.

I'm all panicky and upset lately, just terrified of losing yet another friend in my life. I don't know what to do.

I dont mean to be a smart a** or anything but if you guys are so into eachother then why havent you met before? I understand that meeting people on the internet isnt very safe but you can meet in a public place and take precautions.

If you really like him and he likes you then you should be together.

I've been asking myself the same question, believe me. I don't know what I am to him. I know I'm considered a friend at least. He comes to me with all his problems, and I do the same to him.

The thing I have with him is just this big, weird, complicated... Thing...

maybe you should ask him to have a heart to heart with you. Ask him what you mean to him, and tell him that you have feelings for him other than just being friends. See what he says, maybe he feels the same but is scared to tell you. Or maybe he really is just a friend. Either way I think at this point you deserve to know whats really going on. Love is a hard thing, its soooo gooood but it can be sooooo baddd.

Hang in there, but be true to yourself. Can you remain just friends? If so for how long.

I dont know, every situation is different. But my hubby waited 3 years for me. I wanted to only be his friend and he waited. Now we have been together for a year and a half. I know it wasnt easy for him to see me with other people though and I know he loved me from 4 1/2 year ago. Its was very crazy, but we are sooo happy we waited

Aw I'm happy for you

The thing is, I think, because we discuss so much personal stuff that being face to face would be awkward. I've already put myself in that position. If I saw him in public, I most likely wouldn't go up to him because I would be too embarrassed. I think he might feel the same way, and that's why we haven't met. Maybe.

I've already asked him if he felt it was possible to have feelings for someone you've never met and he basically said that it was impossible. So I'd feel pretty stupid telling him how I feel.

I would like to at least meet him, get that out of the way, and be an actual friend, rather than just a text/IM buddy. Honestly, that would be enough for me. I just want to mean something to him, even if it only means I'm a trustworthy friend.

I do not know if he is the perfect man, rather it seems you have made him perfect. One cannot judge another's character simply from texting and instant messaging. I am not talking about whether or not he is a dangerous stalker or old man, etc, but that you MUST get a hold of yourself and realize that it is so easy for any guy to sound sweet and simply amazing on the text. How do I know? Because I experienced it this summer.

I just moved to a area called Syracuse this summer from NYC and immediately started working for my uncle in a shoe store in the mall. Mind you this area is not good, I was the only one among my co-workers who consistently goes to college, most of them don't have a high school degree or even a GED, and quite literally out of 1 for 4 white girl ranging from age 16-20 that passes by in the mall, has a kid or even two. What makes it worst is that their "hubby" is almost always some uneducated black gangster who drug deals for a living. I know, they give me their money and it smells like weed. Anyway, now that I stressed the kind of environment. My one co-worker, 21 years old, white, quite funny but very sarcastic and is an absolute horn dog, and I opened the store one morning and did nothing but stand there because it was very empty that day. Around 10 am he gets a random phone call, and he doesn't know who it is, asks me who it is (as if I would know pshh), and decides that he will let me hear the convo by putting the phone on speaker phone. This was the convo

lady: "What the Hell happened last night"
co-worker: ::stares at me and we both look confused:: "Uuh who is this?"
lady: "Joanne"
co-worker: "Uuh Joanne, I think you got the wrong number"
lady: "omg im so sorry, i apologize
co-worker: "oh no thats ok, bye"

Then 10 minutes later we were utterly bored and I asked him... hmm so I wonder what happened last night. He was like I dunno man, haha Im gonna text her and ask her that

So he does, then we find out she dropped her kid off from Maine or something to Syracuse and her ex forgot to pick him up. Then they kept on texting and texting, I'm trying to make the story short, but he was basically being a sweet guy by saying things like "oh I was just curious what happened last night because you seemed so concerned over the phone", "yea you shouldn't be skipping class Joanne, nursing is serious business". She basically fell for him, over the next week of continuous texting she grew increasingly... intimate, even offering to take him to her home (3ish hours away) and taking him back whenever he wants, that she has been thinking about him and getting wet, giving him pictures etc. Yes, this is obviously not you, and she obviously has this urge to find somebody to love her probably because she has been hurt by a lot of men in the past and is going about it the wrong way. But regardless, her obsession and emotions for this co-worker of mine, were toyed with. Throughout this time, he would show me and the rest of the co-workers on updates of this obsessed girl and talking about "oh man, how crazy would that be if I f***ed her" etc. He didn't care for her, he just found it amusing and stopped talking to her cuz he was turned off from a picture of her vagina (he doesn't like those kind of pictures). I really wanted to secretly memorize her number and text her to stop because she doesn't know what she is getting herself into, but I doubt she would have listened to me anyway and probably just tell him I was saying crap about him, the way she was obsessing.

So... I'm not saying you are like her, or that he is like him, but this shows how such obsession can be very misleading.

I used to internet chat when I was in high school because I was lonely. I got to know one really well for 3 years. I was lied to around halfway and it was never the same since. I really thought she wouldn't have lied to me too. Forum people and game people are the only ones I talk to now from online =) I learned never to trust again. Don't let yourself learn that lesson.

This isn't a dating site Entrance3

Becoming obessed with someone isn't "abnormal" unless it has prevented you from dating and seeing other guys. It's fun and normal to first meet someone and become wrapped up in that feeling of happiness when we first meet someone. Tell the guy how you feel and why. Share you thoughts and feelings with him. He will either embrace your honesty or go the other way. Just remember he doesn't have a crystal ball and you have to share thoughts and feelings even though it's scary at times.
Good luck!!