Hi! ok, so for over a year now i have been dealing with anorexia and recently (the past 3/4 months) bulimia. my anorexia was really bad during the school year, but now i'm pretty much strictly bulimic. it's summer, and since i love being at home with my family, it's hard to not eat! Which i guess is a good thing, but anyways, my bulimia has escalated. I had a really good week last week, because I was at a tournament and I ate really well. But the minute I got back, it was back to b/p. I really want to get better, I just decided two days ago. I've been reading up on how to help myself. Telling my parents is no option, and all my good friends are pretty insensitive to this sort of stuff. I don't really have anywhere to go.

Here's my problem: Even though I have decided that I want to recover, I havn't been able to stop... But the past few days, I havn't been able to purge more than half of what I have eaten... which is bad because I binge a lot and count on purging afterwards.... But I can't! my body won't let me. Is this supposed to happen?

Even though i want to get better, is there a way to purge faster? I'm starting to HATE purging, but I can't stop myself a lot of the time. Sometimes I can’t help doing it. I don’t want to be doing it, so the fact that it takes so long is torture!! it takes me like an hour sometimes, and on these really bad days, i cant even get half of what ive eaten up. that is the worst because i get really depressed and feel like a failure all day long, just because I couldn’t get everything up. I can’t feel like that anymore. I don’t want to. I just want to know so that I make it easier on myself. I want to get better so badly, but at the same time I know it will take me a while. Can anyone please help me? ~xo, lovelacrosse~