I thought this was a funny story:

you know, you always hear the same things about pregnancy from mothers. You hear about the weight gain, the stretch marks, the morning sickness, the cravings, and the birth. However, there is so much more to it than that! When I became pregnant, I discovered a whole world of untold horrors that awaited me! For example, the nose bleeds every morning, the extremely short temper, the headaches, and the sharp, shooting pains that you get in your abdomen from your ligaments being stretched. They also don’t tell you that everything you eat is going to taste disgusting for the first four months! During my first and second trimester, I painfully went from a perfect "b" cup to an unimaginable “d”! I thought surely a strong gust of wind from behind would send me toppling over!

I have known mothers who gleefully recounted their pregnancies and how wonderful it was to “feel the baby moving” inside of them. I thought that once I got through the agony of the first trimester I would finally get to experience what they were talking about…i was wrong! I first felt my baby move at 13 weeks, that’s right, 13 weeks! I remember being very excited but also thinking that it felt a lot like gas that wouldn’t go away…over the course of the next few months, the “gas bubbles” just got bigger and bigger! Eventually, they began to “poke” out of my stomach. No one had ever admitted to me that fetal movement felt like a bad case of gas! When I confronted them about the truth they just giggled and agreed. Ha, ha, very funny!

My funniest story (so far), however, also happens to be my most humiliating. When I was about 5 months along (i am now 7) I was changing cloths and I sneezed. It wasn’t even a big sneeze, but I very quickly realized that something was dreadfully wrong! Something warm was running down my bare legs! I looked down. It was yellow! I was peeing! I was peeing all over myself…and I couldn’t stop!

I was mortified! Thank god I was home alone at the time. I hadn’t wet myself in years! Who knew that having a baby would make you regress to being a baby? Oh yeah, the other mothers said nonchalantly, you have to do kegles. I have to do what? You know, I told them, this kind of thing falls under the category of “need to know”! Snickering, they laughed and said that they had forgotten about that. Forgotten? How could one possibly “forget” about urinating all over oneself?

Maybe one day i’ll “forget” too. I think that’s called “post traumatic stress disorder”.