Spanking is disrespectful to the child.
Therefore, she
will learn to disrespect you. Note respect
does not mean
fear.
The child associates the spanking parent
with fear
and not love.
Spanking demonstrates to the child that
physical
violence is okay to use to solve
problems.
I may spank my kid out of frustration or
lack of
control, which is wrong.
I don't have to worry about the
authorities jailing me
for physical child abuse. I don't have to
feel guilty about
hitting my child since I've decided not to
do it in the
first place.
Spanking and tough love can be used as
justificiations
for one's inability to give genuine
praise.
Spanking teaches obedience out of fear and
not because
it's the right thing to do or obeying out
of respect for the
parent.
Kid should be taught with brain and not
brawn. Kids can
be taught to behave through use of good
parenting skills and
common sense. Spanking is not tough love,
but an easy
response to our children's complex
behavior. Learning, and
not spanking should be emphasized in
parenting children.
Spanking makes the kid the problem,
instead of the
problem the problem. Hence, the problem is
never worked
through. The kid is simply afraid to
engage in it while the
parent is around. He or she never learns
why it is wrong and
and often continues engaging in the
problem.
Spanking won't work with older kids.
However, once parents
develop such a habit, it will prove
difficult to
change later to other forms of parenting.
I respect my parents "despite" the fact
that they spanked me. I never thought less
of them or hated them for doing it. I
never thought they were weak or mean or
anything like that. In fact, spanking made
me respect them as authority figures.
I think kids do need to be a little bit
fearful of their parents. I loved them to
death and ran to them whenever I was
scared or had a boo boo or a bad dream...
But I also knew not to disobey. I knew why
I shouldn't disobey: doing bad things had
consequences like a broken lamp, or I
could fall and get hurt, or get run over
and die. if I did something bad like that,
I deserved punishment. If it's a severe
no-no, then spanking is in order. I was
only ever spanked twice.
Spanking was not done to "solve" anything.
It was punishment, plain and simple. It
was not meant to cause permanent damage to
me and it never did. My bottom stung for a
few minutes and that was that. I am not
psychologically scarred. I am not violent.
Spanking as a punishment and actual
"hitting" were two very different things,
and actual hitting was extremely against
the rules. I have difficulty hitting
people to this day because it was
ingrained into my head to never hit. In my
brain, spanking does not equal hitting.
Maybe you would spank your child
out of frustration or a lack of control,
but my parents certainly didn't. Perhaps
spanking is a form of punishment that only
some parents are capable of using
properly.
Spanking is not physical abuse. I never
once bruised from it and I never had a
long-term mark from it. I was never afraid
to sit down because my bottom was in
severe pain. Never. My parents spanked me,
they didn't hurt me. There's a
difference.
My parents gave me so much praise I was
nearly spoiled on it. Every drawing I made
was up on the refrigerator; my mom still
has a bunch of them. I was a smart child;
and they praised me constantly for my
displays of knowledge. They gave me books
to read, they read to me, they bought me
things to draw with and they encouraged
all of my talents with praise, adoration,
and love. They took me to museums and
parks and aquariums... I cant think of
more loving, praise-giving parents. Like I
said, I was spanked twice at the most my
entire childhood, and both of those times
I was under 5 years old.
My parents spanked me when I ignored the
rules and consequences that I had already
been informed of. I don't remember why I
got spanked either time, but I do know
from their parenting style that I had been
informed of why I should not do the bad
activity, why it was bad, what would
happen if I did it (such as getting run
over), and the punishment if I did do it.
I didn't do these bad things obliviously.
I can understand spanking being bad if a
parent spanks a child that unknowingly did
something wrong, or did something wrong
without being told the consequences.
I was, as I said, taught that hitting was
very very wrong. Spanking and hitting are
two different things. When you hit
someone, you intend harm, and that's it.
When a good parent spanks, he is not
intending to cause the child harm. I guess
it's something that not every person can
comprehend. I was spanked when I refused
to learn. When I purpously did something
against the rules that I knew was very,
very bad. What, should we not jail killers
now? Jail is punishment. So is spanking.
It's very efficient punishment that gets
through to the child. You should not have
to spank often if you are a good parent.
If you're spanking a lot, then you're
doing something wrong. Either you're
spanking for trivial things (which is
wrong), or your child has a behavioral
problem that needs to be dealt with
professionally.
I'm sorry, but if I, a child, have been
informed of something I shouldn't do, and
I have been told why not to do it, and why
it's bad, and what will happen if I do it,
then I am
the problem. It was my choice to
disobey. It's not the truck's fault that
I
ran out into traffic. You can't blame the
swimming pool because I chose
to run alongside it and slipped and fell
in it.
I was taught to behave. That doesn't mean
I was always an angel however. I still did
stupid stuff I shouldn't have done, even
though I knew it was bad and I knew why it
was bad.
I wasn't "scared" to do the bad activity
while my parents were around because I
knew I'd get spanked. I was scared to do
the activity because of the other
consequences. Like, I don't know... dying.
Falling off a building. Getting kidnapped.
Being poisoned to death. Drowning... there
are a lot more reasons to be scared to do
something than having my dad smack my
butt.
I never repeated the
activities I got spanked for. Ever. I
think one of them was for biting. I never
bit anyone ever again (except my lover,
but that doesn't count obviously lol).
If you have an older child who is
disobeying severely enough that you would
spank a younger child for it, then the
older child has some deeper issue that
needs professional help.
|
Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 07-05-07 16:31pm
I disagree with spanking as well. I
simply cannot justify striking a powerless
individual. I don't believe in making my
child fear me. I don't believe in
teaching my children by using physical
force.
Some say it is the only thing that ever
works, but if you have to spank your child
for the same thing more than once, then
obviously it isn't working. I truly feel
that some parents simply want their child
to shut up and stop annoying them and
hitting them is an easy fix, but what they
don't understand is that it is often a
temporary fix. I don't really understand
how parents can have to resort to spanking
every time. I guess
because I don't feel it is that difficult
to outwit a child.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-05-07 17:00pm
Jude-Love
wrote:
I disagree with spanking as
well. I simply cannot justify striking a
powerless individual. I don't believe in
making my child fear me. I don't believe
in teaching my children by using physical
force.
Some say it is the only thing that ever
works, but if you have to spank your child
for the same thing more than once, then
obviously it isn't working. I truly feel
that some parents simply want their child
to shut up and stop annoying them and
hitting them is an easy fix, but what they
don't understand is that it is often a
temporary fix. I don't really understand
how parents can have to resort to spanking
every time. I guess
because I don't feel it is that difficult
to outwit a
child.
Like I said, I never did again the things
I got spanked for. If you have to do it
multiple times for the same thing then
yes, the parent is doing something wrong.
As I've been trying to say again and
again, spanking is an absolute last
resort. It should not be done often. It
doesn't work if you do it all the time.
Hitting a child makes them cry, it doesn't
stop it.
After my dad spanked me (the one time I
remember), always with pants on and only
open hand, he turned me around and asked
if I knew and understood why I'd been
spanked. I did of course. I'd done the bad
thing on purpose. He asked me if I was
ever going to do it again and I said no.
Then he hugged me and said he didn't want
to do that again to me, so I should behave
because doing bad things makes mommy and
daddy very scared and upset.
|
Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 07-05-07 17:11pm
Eiri
wrote:
like I said, I never did
again the things I got spanked
for.
Right, but you were only spanked twice,
meaning that the things you did must have
been bad enough to upset your parents.
And generally, if a child just knows how
upset or disappointed their parent really
is, they are more likely to not do that
sort of thing again. Not saying that the
spanking had nothing to do with it,
however. But your parents obviously used
spanking in a much different way than most
parents do.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-05-07 21:15pm
Jude-Love
wrote:
Eiri
wrote:
like I said, I never did
again the things I got spanked
for.
Right, but you were only spanked twice,
meaning that the things you did must have
been bad enough to upset your parents.
And generally, if a child just knows how
upset or disappointed their parent really
is, they are more likely to not do that
sort of thing again. Not saying that the
spanking had nothing to do with it,
however. But your parents obviously used
spanking in a much different way than most
parents do.
Apparently! I guess they did it... the
right way?
|
Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 07-05-07 23:21pm
Eiri
wrote:
Jude-Love
wrote:
Eiri
wrote:
like I said, I never did
again the things I got spanked
for.
Right, but you were only spanked twice,
meaning that the things you did must have
been bad enough to upset your parents.
And generally, if a child just knows how
upset or disappointed their parent really
is, they are more likely to not do that
sort of thing again. Not saying that the
spanking had nothing to do with it,
however. But your parents obviously used
spanking in a much different way than most
parents do.
