Hello from across the world!

I'm sorry to read about your plight. You sound like a very sympathetic young man.

Let's start with the first part of your post and take it from there:

Fom what I've read and heard on the radio here about Myspace (and I'll tell you right now I'm old enough to be your mom so Myspace isn't part of my generation) there has been a great deal of misrepresentation. In other words, people may (and I said *may*) not really be as they seem. It's so easy to hide behind anonymity and portray yourself as some one you're not. With digital technology I could scan a photograph of a friend and portray her as me. There have been many sexual predators on Myspace posing as teens to try and set up meetings with other teens (I'm NOT saying she's one of those).

True story: a friend of mine's brother divorced his wife for someone he met on Myspace. She moved over 1,000 miles away to marry him. A week after they finally met he dumped her.

Let me get this straight: you're 10 years older than this woman and after two months of doing whatever one does on Myspace she tells you she's your soul mate and will never find anyone like you.

I still remember when I was 18--I was in University and I was mad for a guy who didn't know that I existed. I finally got him to notice me and another of my friends "stole" him away. I wasn't angry with her because I knew I never had a chance with him.

It wasn't much longer than that that I met my first "True Love" and went on a 4 year rollercoaster. I thought he was "The One"--I had never planned on marrying and he really turned my head (if you don't understand some of my slang, feel free to PM).

That relationship started out great and ended up badly but I learned a great deal from it. For example, someone who you think is "The One" when you are young may not be "The One" when you are a few years older. I know that when I was 18 I thought I knew it all and could handle anything. Now I'm 50 and I know even less than I did then.

She adores you but a long-distance relationship isn't the way to finalize things. (I speak from bitter experience on that one, too). The only way a relationship can really develop is to spend time together. I realize that you have a special case--it's not like you can pack up and come thousands of miles on a whim. And at 18 a young woman (unless she has $$) can't afford to fly across the world, either. Even if you could, say for a holiday, the time you spend together wouldn't begin to show the real you. It's way too magical, too unrealistic. It's only after the glitter wears off that you can see whether or not the romantic feelings you have for each other have a basis. A relationship has to have a friendship as a basis on which to build something more.

It could be because I moved 1000 miles away from where I grew up to be with a guy I met (21 or so years ago) and it didn't work out (I think the relationship was on the downhill before I moved down) that I see all kinds of red (warning) flags for you.

The age thing is the first thing--you've been through parts of life she has yet to experience. She's not that far out of secondary school and you've been to University. I wasn't anywhere near the same person between the ages of 18 and 28. As one gets older the age difference doesn't matter as much because the experiences that people go through just don't cause the same amount of change that they do when one is younger.

I don't want to burst your bubble or rain on your parade about her but if it was me I would be extremely careful about falling in love with someone you've never met. It's very easy to project your feelings onto that person (in other words, since you love to go to museums, she loves to go to museums) and fill in gaps that person has left with things you think match what you imagine what she is.

Falling in love is such a wonderful feeling--makes you want to jump over mountains, takes your feet off the ground, gives you a tremendous feeling of being wanted and feeling special. That experience doesn't change regardless of age--I've had "crushes" on several men throughout my life and when I see or hear them I feel like dancing. The reality is much different and I'd like to think I'm wise enough to know that those feelings are just passing (I'm also married and have no intention of ruining my marriage).

My thoughts on your first paragraph is beware, my friend. Slow down. This thing seems to be moving way to fast for two people who have never met.

OK, now that I probably have you angry with me, let's address the second part of your question about the abuse she's suffered. Has she ever said anything about seeing a mental health professional (a psychologist, a psychiarist) about this? Has she said she's ever shared this story with anyone else (a trusted friend, a teacher, a member of the clergy, for example)?

Recovering from that experience is not easily done on one's own. That kind of injury is worse than a physical injury because broken bones heal and the scar eventually goes away. Not so with emotional injury. It can color one's experiences for the rest of one's life.

I was almost raped when I was in my early 20s--I got away before it happened. I never sought help for it because I figured I could heal on my own. For the most part I think I've dealt with it but I can't walk down a darkened street, even with someone (or a group of people) because I'm terrified I'm being followed by someone who will do me harm (rape, not homicide). My heart beats faster and I'm ready to take off running.

I do believe that it has caused me to have, at my core, a distrust of men. I can't bring myself to fully open myself up to them because they'll irrepairably (hope I spelled that right, don't think so) harm me. You're probably saying to yourself "this poster says she's married and she can't trust men?". I love my husband as much as I can, but as far as a physical relationship goes I can't let go of that fear. (I was married when I was 3.

Even when I was single and had relationships with men, I knew what they wanted and was able to take advantage of that to keep them from getting too physically close to me. It made me very hard and bitter towards them for a very long time.

I beleive that her experience like this can affect her future relationship with any man. You don't know her past history--it could be that every guy she's met she's felt has been her soul mate then the relationship ends. But this is something that she must handle herself (possibly with the help of a mental professional). The dreams may indicate that this is something she hasn't been able to get through and until the dreams stop (or diminish), this could spell trouble. No amount of love from you can take this terrible experience away from her.

You can be supporting and sympathetic but:

1. IF you get to a graduate school here (the political tensions between our two countries aren't between people like you and me),

2. IF you meet her,

3. IF there's enough attraction there to SLOWLY build a relationship, and

4. IF the two of you agree to get physically involved

there's still a chance that her past may derail any chances of your going any farther.

Of course, you can hold out hope that this will work itself out but sometimes it doesn't. Are you willing to sacrifice the life you have "over there" for someone you may not know if she walked in the door with this emotional baggage? You aren't planning on marrying her the minute you get her, right? Actually, you may not be able to because of immigration/citizenship stuff (being American-born I don't know what the complications are, but I don't think a foreign-born person can marry an American after a very short time). Is your paperwork all in order to come over here? It used to take six months for foreign-born citizens to get their visas renewed here. Now it's at least 18 months (one of my colleagues is having problems getting his work visa renewed because of this).

Come to grad school over here if you can afford it or get some kind of grant or scholarship but you must realize that you have a great deal to overcome to get this thing to work--and some of it you can't do, she'll have to. If you can risk potential disappointment and heartache then go for it.

One thing about being in a different place, away from family and friends (you especially) is that one learns to be self-reliant. It may take some bumps in the road to learn how to do it, but you'll make friends here who can help you through some of your rough times.

Do you have friends over there you can talk to about this? Sometimes just discussing this with your friends may help you see things that you may not realize.

Good luck and please post again. I think your English is very good. I would love to learn Russian once I can get past your alphabet . I studied French in elementary, secondary and university (can't remember much anymore) but the letters were the same.

I know I talk too much--I really did try to edit this a little. I know you wanted a reply and I didn't want to think that people on this forum weren't friendly.

Just make sure she knows you loev ad care for her and do not push any issues on sex.let her go at her own pace and you have to be very patient and understanding and not get upset with her.even if it comes down to it and you almost have sex and she backs out,you have to respect that.I hope things work out and you get to be together.

She went thru a lot in her teen years.Really I don't understand why in such a wealthy country as USA there're such cruel men. Soon after this tragic accident she tried to commit suicide and than got into mental hospital with postraumatic stress and bipolar disorder.She has not taking pill for almost 5 years,so it seems that now she can overcome all this.
She is so beatifull that when I first saw her picture I thought I was impossible that such a girl just paid a little attention to me.But it happens.
I spent more than 100 hours talking with her by telephone and sky.We also talked by web cam and exchanged photos.Moreover I talked with her relatives.I've made her so lucky that she misses my voice badly.
Love is so miracle and so powerfull force!
Well,though our relationships are still virtual,they already went too far.
She feels not just romantic love,but sensual.It fears me a bit.She has wild fantasy and our talks becomes too hot.She wants some kind of forcing.Seems like she is a mazochist girl a bit.I do not know what is the reason of it.Her stepdad beated her hardly and regularly,make her starving,one time he broke her arm.After rape he was sent to jail.
But she didn't even tell this to her mom,because her mom served at military base at the other country at that time.

I hope that my story will have the happy end.
This girl suffered too much and she deserves to be happy and have a family and the kids.I try to make her happy,but it's a long way right now.
Money is the biggest concern.I really have to find out something to be with her.
My friends think that I'm doing wrong because there're so many girls in Russia.But I know that it's so hard to find a person who will really fall in love with you,despite you are not famous or rich.
My girl even ready to go to Russia and live with me there.She doesn't afraid of work in countryside.
I hope everything's gonna be OK.I try my best to make it true.

Excuse me please for my english.Hope my thoughts are understandable.

Tempus, go back and reread what entices1 wrote. This person knows exactly what she is talking about. I too hit hte big 50 this month and have been through so much in this life. You seem to be an intelligent and loving person. Keep your guard up and don't let you heart get broken. There are so many cruel people out there who will play upon your emotions! I have a niece we adopted from Russia 7 years ago. Can you write for me in Russian: I LOVE YOU................. so that I may teach her? Take care guy!

I try to be optimistic,but I know that life is not easy and especially when two persons get together.I absolutely confident that my girl is a real person and her feeling to me are so strong.Maybe we both go too far.We didn't meet each other in real,but it's so hard to hadle the emotions and feeling,they can handle you instead.For me it's also very important because it happens for the first time in my life.

OK.There's some Russian :
I love you -Я люблю тебя.(Sounds like- Ya l'jubl'ju tebya) But to say it correct one have surely listen to russian sample of this sentence.

There's something that makes me sad a bit.What if I will fail and will not be able to be with her.I will broke her heart than.I don't want it.
But I cheer up and hope.

Hello, Moscow!

As far as abusive relationships go, it doesn’t matter where one lives, one’s financial status, or anything else. I think that there are more cases of abuse everywhere that go unreported, some of these may be cultural.

As far as your “American Girl” goes, I worry about the fact that she’s not taking any meds anymore. I’m slightly bipolar (I think I may be more bipolar than I realize) and have depression. I got off my meds for awhile (at the direction of my primary care physician) and my life started spinning out of control. I had a meltdown and ended up seeing a psychiatrist (I was very fortunate to have seen one the day of the meltdown and was at home when it happened). I was told I would be on them for the rest of my life.

This could be the reason that she’s interested in getting more, shall we say, “flirty” with you. I think her past may have something to do with this. 100 hours of across-the-world face time still isn’t enough. I think you need to slow things down a great deal. Yeah, it’s kinda fun to do this, but you have to make a line that you won’t cross. If the conversation starts getting close to the line then the conversation ends. Better yet, don’t go down that path. There are facts that prostitutes (and I’m *not* saying she’s one of them) have been abused as children and don’t know how to handle a “normal” loving relationship.

I’ll bet she’s never contacted you in the middle of the night that friends can sometimes do. You still have to be around each other physically for some time to really see how she is in different situations. How did you get in contact with her relatives and how do you know they’re her relatives? I’m sorry to sound so cynical but there are just too many red flags going up for you.

Love really can be such a wonderful thing—it’s so great to have someone you desire finds you desirable. But it can also drive you crazy. I have a friend I love dearly that’s going through a journey to wellness from depression right now and the fact I can’t take a magic wand (hi, Fairy*Godmother! )and take all of his sadness and put in on myself just tears at my heart. In fact, my heart is broken over this. I cried every day for six weeks and I still cry every so often. We chat every so often and there are times he just beats himself up. I’m being as sympathetic and supportive as I can to him but it’s still very frustrating. At least he’s finally going for help and I dream of the day he’ll be able to feel comfortable in his skin.

This thing about moving far, far away “for good” is way too dangerous at this point. A visit (if either of you can afford three weeks or so) might be a good start, and of course, keeping in contact with her. As I said earlier, I moved over 1,000 miles away from family and friends for a relationship that burned out not long after I got there. I went there eyes wide open, knowing that there was a 50% chance of it not working out. It’s one thing to go from one part of the country to another (especially one the size of Russia), and quite another to go to another country where the language is completely foreign. She would have to start to learn the language so she wouldn’t be completely dependent on you to understand what’s going on.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the late Serene Highness, Princess Grace of Monaco. She was an American movie star (Grace Kelly) who married HSH Prince Ranier back in 1956 (not too long before I was born). I just finished a book about her and she was very miserable much of the time. She really missed America and had lots of American things shipped to her that she really missed. She had to learn French to communicate with the Monagasques (I think that’s the spelling of the natives of Monaco). She moved waay across the ocean to rule a county. She was lucky to be able to fly to America at the drop of a hat. I don’t think you’ll have that opportunity.

You two won’t do that but again, what happens if it doesn’t work out? You’re getting better with your English but you’d tend to be around people who come from Russia (if you go to school here). It just happens. You have more in common with them that you would with her and it’s just plain easier than having to speak English all the time. It happens here. I see it at work—the Spanish-speaking people tend to gravitate to each other, the people from India can be kind of clannish, even the African-Americans will band together. Unless one has satellite television no chance to watch Russian TV and DVDs from are not compatible with DVD players over here.

So you found an American woman. She may make you happy for now but you may find someone else. You haven’t mentioned anything about your friends to us, except that they seem to be critical of what you’re doing. Do you have any friends that you really trust, that you can lean on as you’re going through this? Women can especially be sympathetic, especially at your age. Most of them have gone through their first “True Love” experience and have had their heart broken at least once. They may be able to give you some insight that Melissa, Fairy*Godmother and I can’t. There are international marriages in US all the time and it’s no big deal. The first 10 years are the hardest, particularly when one is starting from Square One.

Why do you consider yourself a failure because you can’t be with her? No one wants to fail but if the two if you can’t get together then it’s not in the cards for you. You may be able to see each other at some point but I think you have stars in your eyes right now.

Keep yourself busy with things you enjoy—what are your hobbies (besides sharing computer time with her)? You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with her. Define yourself in terms of yourself and not in terms of her (in other words, you feel you’re a failure if you can’t make her happy). She has to find happiness in herself, too.

Please keep posting, and I’d like to learn some Russian. Let’s see, what would I like to learn? How about “Hello, it’s nice to hear from you”?

Good luck!

Camille

Camille, you have got it together girlfriend. I do hope Tempus will read and reread what we have written. You have basically told him what he needs to hear, if he'd just listen. I know its hard on your heart, but this is likehis reality check got lost in the mail.............
Tempus, get a grip dude, you are far too intelligent to fall inot a trap.
There are a thousand of us girls out here who could write to you (private message) telling oyu we;d love to meet you, send you a pic and maybe not even a real picture of us, one we've found. We could tell oyu a heart break stroy and play upon your heart....be there are people like myself and Camille who do not want to see youget hurt. We can read between the lines because it seems we've already been there.......... Thanks for the Russian I Love You for my little niece. I tried to write it down and will send this to her in Mondays mail! Keep in touch!

I know that in general there're so little chances that virtual relationships can turn in to strong love.But it's not a rule of thumb.Every situation is unique and there's no identical love stories.I'm confident that it's the chance for both us.
Let me write something about my family.I'm the oldest among 8 kids.I have 6 sisters and a brother.Unfortunately,my family got into great mess and troble.I have too much relatives who developed mental problems.My aunt got it at 16,and my brother and one of my sisters at 21 and 22 respectively.
Thank God the other do not have it.I'm not medical specialist,so I don't know if it's hereditary or no.But that's why it's really difficult me to make a family with russian girl.It's easy to find girl for free love but it's not what I want.
In Russia people who have mental problems,no matter if it's very mild or more strong are practially drawn out from live.The general attitude to such people is very negative.So I don't want to end up relationships due to it.
This american girl shows completely different.I have no doubts that she's deeply in love with,she's craving for it.But her mom also has the problem with it .She has bipolar and panic attacts in crowd.So she's on medication.
I've talked with father of this girl.He's agressive and crude.He refuse to claim her his daughter.
My girl wants to have a lot of kids,actually she's Mormon.But I don't know what the result will be.If the kids that will born will have more chances to develop mental problems than in case I will marry the ordinary girl?
This is the main concern for me.Maybe if there will be a lot of kids,some of them could avoid this danger due to pure probability.

As for Russian lesson,there're some :
Hello or Hi ---Привет(Privet)
My name is--- Меня зовут (Menya zovut)
1-один-odin
2- два-dva
3-три-tree
4- четыре-chetyre
5-пять-pyat'
6-шесть-shest'
7-семь-sem'
8-восемь-vosem'
9-девять-dev'yat'
10 десять-des'yat'

Day-день(den')
Night-ночь(notch)
Guy-парень(paren')
Man-Мужчина(Muzhchina)
Little girl-девочка(devochka)
Girl-девушка(devushka)
Woman-женщина(zhenschina)
Life-жизнь(zhizn')

Привет!

You're right, some long-distance romances do turn into love, but that usually happens after the two are together in the same place, not thousands of miles apart.

What do you mean by "mental problems" in your family (you don't have to respond)? I've indirectly found out that depression runs in mine. As far as hereditary goes, it's entirely possible the problems may be. I have some physical problems I've inherited from my mom (thanks, mom! ): migraine headaches and restless leg syndrome (RLS, where the legs almost want to move by themselves--very uncomfortable) come to mind. Both my mom and one of her brothers have the migraines and RLS, and thinking back farther, my mother's father had RLS).

I also found out that my father's mother had depression and was hospitalized for it years ago (it's a vague memory but still strong). I found out through a cousin who is doiing a family history on my dad's side that many of our relatives have depression.

Are you saying you don't want to marry a Russian girl because she may have the same genes as you and there may be problems with children? Well, my dear, it happens in what appear to be the healthiest of families. No one knows why, going back through family medical histories don't reveal anything, nothing going through the pregnancy records indicates anything.

These things happen on a molecular level--something causes our genetic makeup to change (for example, develop alcoholism) and that gets passed along through the generations. It could be only the boys who get it, or the girls, or the oldest boy, whatever.

There's no such thing as an "ordinary" girl. We all have our little ways about us that don't necessarily make themselves known at an early age. I didn't develop migraines or RLS until after I was 40. I've had one cyst removed from my right breast last year and today I found out I have two in my left one. Since I was 40 I developed kidney stones (not before).

There's no ordinary guy, either. Somewhere in his genetic makeup there are things that he will pass along to his offspring, good things as well as bad. With this American Girl, I just see so much trouble ahead. You know she's unstable for a variety of reasons, that she doesn't take her meds and she wants children?

The youngest daughter of a friend of mine developed severe biopolar disorder in highschool. She didn't go to college (broke her parents' hearts), kind of wandered around. Eventually she found a guy, got pregnant and said she wanted the baby. So there was a wedding ceremony and the two of them moved into my friend's house. The daughter has tried to be as good a mom as she can but she's unstable (not that she would kill her child)--she goes through very high highs and very low lows and cycles pretty quickly. She's taking meds and doing what she can but it's my friend and her mom that are raising this child. I don't even think the father is still in the picture.

So, the question is, suppose you get married. First off, I don't remember your saying who would support the family (I thought you wanted to go to school). It isn't cheap to live in Americal and it's very difficult for a family to eat cheap, since childhood is when good, nourishing food and a nourishing family is most urgently needed. Give them a good start and they're on they're way.

Mormons believe in BIG families, whether or not they can support them. My brother married one so I can speak from experience. Two of his younger children have problems: one is a juvenile diabetic that wears an insulin pump all the time, the second has Attention Deficiency Disorder. I don't know of very many Mormon women who hold down jobs outside the family (don't know enough about them, only my experience). My brother's wife gives sewing and piano lessons and that brings in some, but not much. Not like working with computers or being a teacher. As I understand it, the purpose of a Mormon woman is to have a family. Period. Is this what you want?

Put aside the entire Mormon discussion--you don't know how the unborn child will turn out until it does. Ultrasounds may give physical clues, but not mental or emotional. You may not find those out for years. Parenthood is a big gamble and is definitely not to be entered into lightly.

Life is a probablility but you get through it every day.

My friend, I still think you have stars in your eyes--that all you need to do is to be with her and everything will work itself out. It may or may not. Please slow down with this and take your time. Take some long walks and do some thinking about this. Talk to other people, a trusted friend, a former teacher, a member of the clergy? This is a very, very big step that you're considering taking and it still doesn't appear that you have something very strong to stand on. I don't want to see you slide down a rough hill and have your heart broken further.

I have a friend who has a low-grade type of depression called "dysthymia". We used to be so close, now I feel like I've been pushed completely away. I've purchased a book, written for non-medical people, about it to help me understand what he's going through.

Maybe you can find some books in the library about what she's going through to at least educate yourself on it.

Write back, and thanks for the lessons! One other thing: Do people in various parts of Russia have differenct accents like they do here? Do they have different words for things than you? Makes it interesting to try and have a conversation.

For example, in many parts of the country, the generic name for a soft drink (like Coca-Cola) is "soda". I grew up calling it "pop". We all did where I grew up. Well, I visited someone 1000 miles away and he offered me a soda. Where I grew up, a "soda" was pop with a scoop of ice cream in it (we also called it a "float" because the ice cream floated on top of the pop). So he offers me a soda and I ask him if he has ice cream. He again offers me a soda and again I ask him if he has ice cream. This happens a couple of more times and he asked me what the deal is with the ice cream. I said that's what a soda is: pop with ice cream. He asked (quite sincerely), "What's pop"?

They say that Great Britian and US are two countries separated by the same language. They're RIGHT!

One last thing: the History Channel (one of our cable channels) had an hour TV program about Russia. I came in at Peter the Great. It was very interesting. Catherine the Great's Winter Palace was spectacular! I would love to see it!

Anyway, good luck, think deeply about this, and keep posting.

My relationships with her go on.She misses me strongly.
Recently I talked with her granddad.It was kinda difficult to get his Michigan accent.After all he decided that my religous belief in God is not so strong as it should be.He wanted to see me and to talk to me.
The real problem is that my girl have more than romantic feelings to me,but she craves to be close to me.In Russian culture the girls usually try to be passive,not active.It seems to me that american girl are more open in their feelings.She told me that american guys wanna have submissive house wifes
and often beat them cruel.

there are a lot of agressive women here but its a good thing sometimes. Not all men in the United States are like that, but there are many.

My friend:

This is *really* starting to get scary. How did you talk to her grandfather? Who brought up the subject of religion and how could he have the nerve to tell you about your spiritual belief system? It sounds like you accepted what he said.

We women who have posted to you speak from experience about long-distance relationships and things not being as they seem. We're not holding anything back from you about how wicked people can be (and I'm not saying that your long-distance friend is wicked) via the Internet.

The fact that every time you write I read your misgivings (fears, concerns) about her and the cultural divide you're coming up against. Most American women now do speak their minds about things. My mom's generation (she was born in the 1930s) was pretty much the last generation where women were expected to be submissive/passive. I "came of age" in the 1970s when the "Wonen's Liberation" movement came into exiistence and the roles of men and women in US changed radically. Women no longer are shy little flowers when it comes to relationships and romance, they pursue as much as they are pursued.

There are some schools of thought in society/religion/region where, if a person (man/woman) isn't married by a certain age there is a tremendous amount of pressure put on that person to find a spouse at all costs. I speak from experience--a family member of mine was chased by an old girlfriend from secondary school who belonged to a belief system where she would be actively shunned if she wasn't married by her early 20s. She got what she wanted--he allowed her to trap him by getting her pregnant. Not the best way to get a man but it worked. They've been married for 27 years and she's the one who rules the house.

Some American men want submissive women but that's because they're insecure and want more of a slave than an equal. Many American women wouldn't settle for that (this one definitely would not). A healthy relationship is built by equals, not by a master and a slave.

You can't resolve this situation from half-way across the world, communicating with each other only periodically. Using a WebCam is *not* the same as being physically present with someone through the good times and the bad.

Listen to yourself. Re-read your posts. Your common sense is giving you all kinds of warning signs. It's easy to throw those things out the window where matters of the heart are concerned but in your posts they keep coming back.

What would you say to a friend who was going through this situation? Think about it, really think about it.

Do keep wriitng and good luck.

My american girlfriend plans to go with her mom to Moscow at March to meet me.I'm really happy with this.
One thing that bothers me is that she has some other health problems.
She has a slight dislexia and some problems in memorizing the long texts.And the most serious is that she has hypoglicemia.In her family her granddad and her mom have mild diabetis type 2.The other relatives do not have such problems.She was diagnozed with it at 3 years. How can the hypoglicemia can be managed? She told me that if she would not take some sugar she can develop hypoglicemic coma.Is it serious?

First off, congratulations on an upcoming visit. Please don't look forward too much to it, though. March is still a very long way off and something could up either with you or with her and she might not be able to come visit. Enjoy the excitement right now but be realistic soon.

As far as dyslexia goes, what's the problem? Lots of people have dyslexia and get through life just fine. Plus, the low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) should be no problem either if she has medications to take and sticks to them. I have depression and will be on meds the rest of my life. As long as I take my meds everything is fine.

Everyone has health problems. Some are congenital (inherited) some develop along the way (wait until you hit 50! ). Most health problems can be managed with medication but if the patient won't take of him/herself the doctor or the meds can't help.

You might suggest that she start learning some elementary Russian so that she can get along without you having to translate everything for her. I assume you'll introduce her to your friends. In the event that she gets separated from you (say you're in a crowd) she needs to know language on how to find you. If she cares for you as much as you think she does she should take the initiative to learn some of your language. She has enough time.

Keep in touch.

Well,she's really in love with me.But she's still concern about her past.She's trying to forget the things that happend to her,but she can't. He stepdad broke her trust,loose her virginity, hurt her pride, and deprive her as a person.
She is now thinking if she could forgive him,but confess that she can't do it.
I think if she couldn't get thru this mess,she could be an ordinary american girl and could marry an american guy.But it happend.
How can a girl overcome this memories of violence? Is it possible at all.
You,in my country there's still a common opinion that guy should marry the virgin.But I think that if girl has such a story,it doesn't mean that she is lost.
If a person becomes a victim of a crime due to things that one can't fight against it's not her fault.So she is innocent victim.
I Moscow I have several friends among the russian girls and I know several virgins.But they just have some interest in me,not more.American girl is desperately in love with me because she thought that all her hopes to get married a good guy ruined due to her bad fortune.

Tempus, tempus, tempus...

What am I going to do with you?

She *says* she's in love with you--you two have never met! You say she's your "soul mate" but you haven't spent not one day together. You, my dear, are an incurable romantic. You want to be the Knight In Shing Armor Wanting To Rescue Damsels In Distress. It doesn't always work out that way, I'm sorry to say.

I'm sorry about the terrible things that happened in her past. She has to deal with it in a positive way that will help her grow as a person. I was almost raped many years ago but got away (and have a couple of hidden physical scars to show it). I could have either let that make me hate all men or realize that some men are just sick and insecure to use sex as a way of exerting power over someone. You've never mentioned whether or not she's seeking (or sought) professional help. If her past is as terrible as you indicate she needs more help than you can ever give her. Without that I don't know that your relationship would be as "normal" (for lack of a better word) as you want it to be.

Since you have some female friends, have you talked to them about this (any that you feel you can trust)? What do they say? Women are women regardless of where they come from and they'll pretty much give you the same advice. There can be no real relationship until she gets herself in better emotional condition. Unfortunately, love cannot conquer all, otherwise there would be no spousal abuse, no elder or child abuse, no alcoholism, no drug abuse, no war, nothing terrible. But it just doesn't work that way.

What would you tell a friend if he or she came to you with this problem?