Relationships and Marriage Forum

I hope someone out there can help me. I have a very insecure husband. We have been married almost a year (we have been together a total of 3 years) we have a 7 month old daughter. My husband is verbally abusive and controlling and he cannot see it. He gets agitated on a daily basis and usually takes it out on me in the form of yelling and cussing me out. When he starts in with his rants, it physically makes me sick. I feel severe anxiety (i am already on medication for a anxiety disorder I have had most of my life) my throat closes up, and I feel nauseous. My husband will threaten to take my baby away from me and even go as far as to threaten my life if I try to get custody of her. He has also told me that he would kill my whole family if they helped me get custody. He says he will plant drugs in one of my personal items so I will go to jail. After all these horrible threats and the fight dies down, he will "pretend" to be sick (throwing up) and then get mad again and say I don't care about him cause I wasn't sympathizing with him. Then he starts crying and apologizing. He will say he didn't mean anything he said and that he was just mad. I can't take it anymore!!!! How do I leave him though? We live in a home next to my mother, she owns the house we pay rent to my mother. He refuses to leave. My main fear is having my baby taken from me. My husband's family is very dysfunctional, I don't want my baby being with him unsupervised. The only way to ensure that I will have my baby everyday, to protect her, is to let him stay and try to endure. I really need to add that both my husband and I have smoked marijuana, I don't do it near as often as he does, only when i'm really stressed out but it stays in your system for a few months so i'm screwed if I ever got tested. I fear my husband will somehow frame me and I will get my baby taken away. Can someone please help me!!!!!

Replies(12)

mariannepryor

replied on July 8th, 2007

New User

Abusive Husband

if you really love this man then stick it out but you do not have to put up with the abuse from him so try telling him how you feel tell him he needs to get help with his anger and with smoking marijuana try and not smoke it that way it will not be in your system and he will have nothing on you especially if you do decide to leave him.you could even try and talk to your mum if you already haven't she may be able to advise you.
good luck l hope every thing works out for you

young Girl

replied on July 8th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

hmmm. i dunno... he sounds like HE needs medication

WannaBigBabyBelly

replied on July 8th, 2007

New User

Hello,

I would suggest that you talk your concerns out with your husband, explain to him all the things that upset you and scares you at the same time! If you want just write out somethings, and start off by saying in a calm voice, honey, babe, sweetheart (whatever name you call him ), and tell him how much you care for him, but his behavior is very scary!! Dont start off with divorce, and yelling, because that will just make him act very defensive, and start to yell! if that doesnt work, maybe you should seek help from a marriage counselor! Only you know whats safe for you!! if you feel your enviroment is not safe for you and your child, do what your heart says do!! Good luck

Keep us posted.

Jude-Love

replied on July 8th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

I would not try to work it out with this man.

Stop smoking pot. Not that I look down on pot use, I don't, but it would look better on you if you stopped. Do you work? Does your mother know what is going on?

BTW, if your mother owns that house, then he can be removed by the police.

tasha_ivey

replied on July 22nd, 2007

New User

Absolutely DO NOT stick it out, DO NOT try to talk to him, DO NOT try to make things work. Talking about it just might make him act worse. This man has some severe issues. I wouldn't worry about him trying to frame you. That is his way of keeping control of you. Go talk to the police and see what your options are....tell them what he is threatening to do. Talk to a doctor.....sounds like he needs to be commited! Get away and get your baby out of there! It is just not worth it! You are better than that! You can make a great life for yourself without him. I really hope things turn out okay for you. If you need to talk, please just let me know.

Georgia59

replied on August 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Get out of that relationship as fast as possible! Go back to your parents, to a woman's shelter, whatever you need to do to be safe.

You'll get over him when you find a man that is caring and kind. I promise.

Fairy Godmother

replied on August 10th, 2007

Supporter

I totally agree with the others. Stop smoking pot so that you can pass a drug test when it comes down to you being a good Mother. If the courts were to order a drug test, you could at least pass it. Your husband sound like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I too would not mention anyhting about you taking hte baby and leaving. Talk to a law enforcemnt agent, a family coucelor at a womens shelter, someone who knows hte law. Right now, you're life has been thretened. Does not matter that its your husband, its not worth the risk. Do you have a job? You need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. Its a blessing this baby is not old enough to see and hear the abuse you are putting up with. What does your Mother say? We are all here for you!

marvin5

replied on March 28th, 2008

New User

narcissim

Your husband may be narcisstic. Look at this website that is by Sam Vaknin, I believe...type in Narcissim in the browser and it normally pops up. there is lots of information and you can almost diagnose it yourself.

I believe you are in severe danger. Does your Mom know about all this? she lives next door?

He is NOT normal. You are in an ABUSIVE and DYSFUNCTIONAL relationship.

I am going to suggest that you do tell your Mom you are going to leave, so she will not worry, and you go to a woman's shelter. They can provide some guidance and support, along with a roof over your head.

People like you end up getting killed and disposed of, and your baby will suffer greatly.

Take care and keep this site posted on your situation. We do care.

asiapacific

replied on March 30th, 2008

New User

he needs to seek professional help. he cannot continue to treat you like this especially in front of your daughter. pls protect yourself and your daughter.

take care

Xalleah08

replied on June 1st, 2008

Experienced User

solution

You take your baby and get out of there. Write him or call him saying that his actions toward you make you feel unsafe and that your child doesn't need to be around all that yelling and screaming. Go somewhere where you have support from family or a friend and even seek counsiling if you can. If your husband cannot get past his own problems after that in order to make you feel safe around him than that's his own loss. You do whatever it takes to be in a healthy environment. If you stay there things will only get worse. I understand you probably love your husband very much and you are worried about how he might react to this. He obviously cannot the results of his actions right now and the more distance you get from him until he finds help the better. If you leave do not meet up with him without a counsiler or another person present. Make sure he understands that you are not leavign becasue you dont love him but because you feel you and your baby are unsafe.

michelledigi

replied on April 15th, 2009

New User

new baby abusive husband

my baby is 2 weeks old, my husband calls me a prostitute. every name in the book yelling in front of the baby.tells me im a nut job ,my moms a prostitute. its just sick. he bhas done this since we married..now with a baby ..its really sick.. he also has a gambling problem and lies about everything...what to do

JavaMissus

replied on April 15th, 2009

Moderator

Get some help....You don't need this with a new baby....If you want this marriage to work, he has to get in to talk with someone...

Caroline

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