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trouble ejaculating during intercourse

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Ok so, my (wonderful) girlfriend just moved in with me from out of state. I couldn’t be happier except for the fact that, since we started seeing each other(even before she moved in), I’ve been experiencing certain technically difficulties more frequently. Keep in mind, I’m only 23.

First off, and probably the most problematic for both of us, is a mild but still troublesome case of ED. It is becoming more frequent and tends to happen after about 10 – 30 minutes of penetrative sex. I have yet to become fully flaccid. Without becoming too graphic, I’d have to say it stops at about “Half Mast,” but it is enough to makes vaginal penetration difficult.

I’ve been doing some research and am considering ordering one of those “male enhancement” drugs out there for three reasons. They promise Stronger and more reliable erections, more control over orgasm(I’ll get to this shortly), and increased size (which in my mind is just a bonus b/c, lets face it, there are few men out there that don’t want to be a bit “bigger”). Of course I’m plagued with the natural questions: Is it a scam? Will it work? Which one is right for me? Will taking something like this now make it harder on my sex life when I’m older? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that experts or advisers will not “endorse” any of these products on this site by mentioning them by name, but if you have any TRUE success stories feel free to send me a private message.

Ok my last few problems are of a more intimate nature. Mainly it all stems from one thing. I have trouble ejaculating during intercourse and I have yet to do so during oral or hand jobs. I can do it easily during masturbation though. It just seems to take a lot more effort than it should for me to reach climax with someone else. Honestly while a bit annoying this doesn’t bother ME that much. I enjoy pleasuring her more than myself and by the time I run out of energy and collapse in frustration, she is thoroughly satisfied physically. However you see she is not that experienced sexually and when I don’t reach completion she feels like she is not pleasing me well enough, like she let me down or something. Which of course is not the case. I get my satisfaction through pleasing her. If my goal was simply to make myself ejaculate then she wouldn’t even need to be there. So I guess what I am saying is, I want her to be able to make me climax or be able to make myself climax with her assistance with more ease. Particularly during oral b/c she has expressed an interest in wanting to make me climax using only her mouth. Any suggestions?
Lastly, when I do finally climax, it is usually very powerful. To the point that I’d say the muscle spasms are almost violent and painful(in a good way). It that normal?

I know this is a novel but if you have had the patients to reach the end I thank you and any advice will be taken in with gratitude.

Oh yea, two things I wanted to mention are: I AM circumcised and have always wondered if a circumcised penis is more or less sensitive than an uncircumcised one. Also my blood pressure tends to stay at levels just below PRE-hypertension. My doc tells me to keep an eye on it but as is, it is no threat to my health. However I’ve heard high blood pressure can affect a man’s erection.
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First Helper ojsam
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replied September 7th, 2008
trouble ejaculating
These are all symptoms of Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome which seems to afflict men who masturbate lying on their stomach (prone) and rubbing the penis against something, usually a pillow or mattress, rather than using the hand. Visit healthystrokes.com and see the abstinence program. Your symptoms are exactly what I had too.
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replied September 7th, 2008
tiphat At your age it could be a number of things from every day stress to riding a bike to much. (yes a bike seat is said to sometimes cause these issues)
There are a number of so called fixes to ED. The fact is about 95% are a scam. From pills, devices to wear and special techniques. Really do some research before buy. You should consult a doctor before buying any drugs from a web site. You could end up with bigger breasts instead of a bigger or stronger man hood.
You mentioned that this at times happens with 10-30 min of penetrative sex, try just 5-10 min and then change positions.
Even if you don't need it a little lubricant can make all the differents.
Hope it helps, good luck.
Chow -
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replied September 9th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Perhaps if you explore some new ideas that would help. It will take your mind off the ED and allow you to focus on pleasure for you and your girl. Many times guys have ED problems due to performance anxiety. Once you relax and allow yourself to just go with the moment you may find you maintain your erection. Try using different lubes, oils (made for sexual use), vibes (to use on her and you), c-ring, etc. You will take the focus off your ability to maintain an erection. This can be all it takes. You may want to talk to your doctor and let him know you are having some issues with ED. You are young so it is improbable that it signifies any other medical condition but it would be prudent to let your doctor know. You can ask your doctor for some viagra. No harm in helping yourself get through this and have confidence again. Hope some of this helps.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: sin_jaz123 

replied September 13th, 2008
i hear ya, sort of...
I've hear what your talking about, but only with women that I didn't enjoy, or women that are lazy, but never someone I'm with. I love to please women, I get off from that as well. But a lot of women can be self centered and extremely lazy, which can be very boring sex to me. I've done all kinds of sex to the quickie to tantric. But the good sex has come from a connection. To me that's what you're missing. You may love each other, you may get along great, but you're missing that thing. I mean its possible for men and women to cum without touch...nocturnal emission, as well as other examples, i've done it myself, as well as to other women. If you're not into what is going, on the moment is lost. I jus had sex, I didn't cum unfortunately. She did, but she wasn't willing to work hard enough to please me, or follow me lead of where I wanted her to go with things. She didn't connect. She came...b/c I pay attention to where things were going. But after an hour of sex in the shower, a blow job, a hand job, and two condoms later, i still wasn't done. She was...she had no energy to fulfill where I wanted to go with things. No big deal b/c she's not my girl. But when I had my girlfriends that I loved (only 2) they enjoy pleasing me as well. It was mutual, we were into the same romantic moment, or the new fantasy, or the kinky fetishes we both desire. You're missing that in your relationship. Communicate your fantasies with one another, whether during sex, or jus casually. If its uncomfortable to talk about your in the wrong relationship. Everyone has desires and fantasies, everyone. But drugs aren't necessary, to me they are jus cover up for people unattracted to the people they are with, whether its phyiscal or mental. good luck..lol
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replied January 21st, 2009
I have this problem as well
I am 23 years old. My problems stems from anxiety. I just got done having sex with a woman that is 44, so the experience is definitely there. Prior to this relationship, I met a ugly girl who gave me a klonopin before I had sex with her. I orgasmed in 5 minutes with lots of pleasure. The doctors of where I am from will not give me any sort of immediate relief from this anxiety because of my drug addiction with oxyycontin and have prescribed me Pamalor. Eventually will this drug give me the effects that I desire?
troubled 23 year old young man
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replied March 24th, 2010
I have problems with ejaculation if I have no stimulation.
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replied July 2nd, 2010
what
Okay this sucks I been going out with this girl for a month now and I been trying to take it slow but she always wants to have sex but I want to hold off till I feel ready but one night I decided to finger her and she was totally loving it and she was definitely ready but I couldnt get hard and I know it's probably from feeling too nervous but I was so angry at myself I didn't know what to do and I even tried to get it up myself but I couldn't even do that and usually I can...and other times I dont even feel like having sex with her, not yet anyway because it just feels too awkward idk what i should do
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replied June 12th, 2011
You're not alone!
All these stories and testimonies I've read seem all too true...I'm a 23 year old male and I've only had 3 sexual partners, all of whom I've never been able to ejaculate during intercourse. Looking back, I've realized that each girl I've been with has been someone I've known for less than a day or in one case I knew the girl through mutual friends but she never really stood out until just a few nights ago. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that all the times I've been with women were when I had a fair amount of alcohol in my system, little to no food eaten during the day, a stressful week, and lack of exercise. All of which I know are the worst things to have if you want to enjoy a good time with that special someone. So that being said, men, if you're having difficulty maintaining an erection and/or cannot ejaculate during penetration, oral/handjob, what have you...just make sure to maintain your body's aesthetic mentally and physically: get enough food in you, do something constructive for your body (45-60 min jog I feel is perfect. Perhaps go through your "ejaculation game plan" during this time)don't drink too much alcohol, (if you do drink, have just enough for a good buzz) and when the time comes when you're about to cum, keep your composure, focus on what she wants you to do. Because I can totally agree with everyone when they say that their girl feels like its their fault for not making their man cum, its definitely NOT their fault, its the lack of things we did during that day. Stay strong and keep your head(s) up!
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replied June 26th, 2011
HELP! I got a BIG problem
Im having this same kind of problem...three nights ago i lost my virginity to by far the HOTTEST girl ive ever been with and i could barely get an erection! I finally got one and came in like 45 seconds Sad...so the next night we had sex again and i got an erection right away (not a very strong one and periodicly it would get abnormally soft during sex) and this time i couldnt cum at all! she asked me to stop after about 20 mins cause it was too hot...about 45 mins later the same thing happened all over again...any advice? im 18 and i feel like those old dudes on those viagra commercials!
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replied April 2nd, 2012
Exactly Me, Here's my Story.
Well, I've been dealing with this issue for quite a while. I am 18, and am totally fine getting hard and ejaculating while masturbating. Here's my tale.

The very first time I had sex I couldn't get hard. The next time, the very same thing happened. When I would get hard, it would be very weak. It happens whenever I am with a new girl (1 night flings NEVER work for me). I think that this has to do with comfort level. (performance anxiety) I have never actually felt anxious in these situations, but I have always gotten hard with my current long-term girlfriend.

That was 2 years ago. Since then I have gotten a girlfriend who I feel comfortable with. I now get good erections every time. But often when I have sex, I cannot finish unless I think extremely hard about sexual things. (I have a specific fetish which helps)

I was finally able to finish during oral when my girlfriend told me to "let go" and relax as much as possible. A key factor for me is the idea that she will go on forever and ever and so I should just relax and enjoy it. Once I got past that initial difficulty for oral sex it has now become much easier; I can finish every time.

Sex with my girlfriend, I ejaculate periodically, but my girlfriend feels depressed. She also (like 1st post) thinks that this is her fault. I am going to see a doctor and get their opinion on the situation.

at this point I am considering the idea that the reason I cannot finish is because my fetish isn't exactly sex. It's more complicated, and so I need to think about it.

Another Idea (related to the fact that I now get hard with a comfortable relationship) is that it all comes down to being comfortable. My girlfriend and I are going to try having sex a considerable amount of times in a row where ALL I DO is focus on my fetish and trying to finish. Our hope is that once I finish a number of times, it will become easier.
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replied May 8th, 2012
Same thing here
I have had the same issue. The first girl I was with I got hard easily, and I get hard easily for anyone, I just can't ejaculate with them. And the girls do feel bad. She gave me a hand job for like 30 minutes and nothing. I comfort them and tell them it's not their fault. The worst part is after I get a severe case of Painfull blueballs, and have to finish my self later, and it tendsto be harder to finish by myself after sex. Medication can be a reason for some that have this problem. Especially if your on Vicodin, or any sort of opiate. I feel you guys pain. It sucks.
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replied May 11th, 2013
same problem :(
I too have suffered with these problems, I'm so glad I found this site, and I'm not alone.II'm 18 and have had two sexual partners both of which I barely knew. The first one I got with I had known her through school, she had always fancied me, then we didn't talk for a while after I finished school and exams she was a year younger. I was in my late 17's and we texted for abit we met up and had sex in a woods, I got hard immediately however after 45 mins of sex with just me on top, we stopped because I could not cum, we met up 3 times after that had sex in the same place, same thing happened, easy erection, after 30-45 mins we stopped I couldn't cum. I did find her sexually attractive although I had no feelings for her and she wasn't the best looker but she was still a lovely girl. We met up again after but in a different location a park this time, I got hard easy and I managed to finish this time after about 20 mins. We tried 2 more times in her bed this time, I got hard but couldn't finish. We drifted apart after that and she got a boyfriend. So recently I joined this site for people looking for NSA sex.I started talking to this lovely couple who was looking for a mmf threesome, however nosexual contact between males. We met up at their place and talked and she was pretty and he was a nice guy, I found her really attractive.we decided to call it a night and meet up again this time for sex. I met them we talked and he went in the shower leaving me and his wife she was 22 alone, we started touching and I gave her oral, and fingered her, and she gave me oral, I was hard at this point, I then put my penis in het vagina and it was good the man came down then and started watching i felt unease but carried on she then gave me oral again and i lost my erection, it didn't go back up for the rest of the night.I couldnt finish either, whether this was because he was in the room I don't know but I felt guilty because I couldn't perform like they were probably expecting. We have decided to meet up again though. I do suffer from anxiety, I do worry about my man hood size I'm about 5-6" I know that's the average but i still worry. I was really shy and nervous with them maybe that was why, and I had been having a tough time at home with parents.
I've read everyones post on Here, its made me feel better, I just hope it stays hard and Ican finish in the future. I should probably add I masturbate regularly once a day and I can cum in 5-10 mins sometimes even less.
I hope this helps some people who are also worried about this problem. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Tom Smile
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replied May 27th, 2013
The best way to put it is, you have to really find the right girl. If you're having trouble keeping an erection during sex, the problem may be your focus or you're just not that into one another. I always found it easiest to get and keep an erection if i'm truly connecting with her on an emotional and physical level. I'm 21 years old btw, have had 3 sexual partners and for the first two, i didnt encounter any problems. The real problems came when i was with the third girl. Granted, she wasn't all that attractive and I was just looking for a short relationship. I did notice however that it was harder to get it up. Didnt use any drug or lubricant to help, but also, alcohol really doesnt help if you're trying to enjoy it. Its turns into a long drawn out night where you have to do everything yourself. If you are having multiple problems ejaculating, see a doctor.
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replied November 16th, 2013
It was really helpful, as a woman, that you guys are not blaming the woman for your erection/ejaculation difficulties, thanks for that. I love turning my man on and his orgasm and 'show' of that is such an important part of my sexual relationship with him. I don't have difficulty reaching orgasm (although I'm not quick - not a problem to men I've been with)and I haven't had any problem satisfying my men until my last relationship when it was a real shock to me , very confusing and upsetting that he didn't get a 'full' erection, and very often had difficulty ejaculating during intercourse. I never managed to satisfy him manually and although I did orally on one or two occasions it wasn't part of our regular sex life as I would have liked but he couldn't cum more than once a day or every couple of days so I think he held back for intercourse. We weren't compatible and he had issues with his ex-wife who was unfaithful. He smoked cannabis every day and didn't deal with his issues, obviously I wasn't at my best in a relationship with so many problems and in some ways I think the answer is obvious but I still feel that I've lost my sexual confidence and I don't want this to come with me in to my next relationship. If some of you guys could help me with some advice I'd be grateful. We have now gone our separate ways and hopefully we will both find satisfaction with other people in our future. Some great guys on here, good luck and best wishes to you
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replied November 17th, 2013
Experienced User
Lorn,
This not the woman's problem, you are ok. This issue you described is a male's problem and his alone..
If you are willing and are involved with him, he should be able to have the erection needed and ejaculate at the time of orgasm..If not he needs to check out by a Dr. or he need to back off on masturbation..If There is something the matter, it is him... ojsam
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replied November 20th, 2013
Thanks, Ojsam, really helped me think properly about things without feeling the need to question what was wrong with me.It was a sad situation to be in for both of us but he was very quick to let me take the blame even though he told me his other relationships had been difficult sexually; mine had not, although they had varying degrees of compatibility (something I hadn't put enough importance on when trying to deal with the emotional impact of this experience) ultimately I think that played a big part. That, and his drug addiction - a little less cannabis and a bit more masturbation(as that would have been a sign of a higher libido)! Thanks for replying, best wishes to you, Lorn Smile
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replied November 20th, 2013
Experienced User
Lorn,
You are just fine with your thinking. Thank you for the
reply and keep in mind that if you are a willing sexual partner , the erection is the males problem.. Nothing is wrong with you.. You have a great life.. ojsam
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replied December 15th, 2013
no ejaculation please what is wrong?
i don't know how to say this but i hope it is not too fine with me. i have had sex with some ladies of late and i do ejaculate, but right now, of late i have had sex for like four to six different times now, no ejaculation, no sperm coming outta my dick. what is the cause of this problem? i have no pain in my body or organ, please i will welcome all comments
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replied December 15th, 2013
Experienced User
calipher,
How old are you. do you ejaculate with masturbation?
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replied December 18th, 2013
No i do not.
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