OK, so you’re only 14 but heartbreak can come at any age. I’m definitely old enough to be your mom (I’m 50) and my heart still breaks. I sympathize very much with your situation and I’m sorry you’re so sad. I’m not a mom so I can’t give you motherly-type advice but I’ll try and give you the benefit of my experience.

Most relationships go through a “honeymoon” phase that usually lasts about six months. It sounds like you were walking on air until things took what may be an unexpected turn. It must be very difficult to be the child of divorce particularly when the divorced parents live some distance away from each other. Since you’re 14 you’re a little too young to drive on your own and I imagine that’s terribly frustrating.

Did her decision to live with her dad come like a bolt from the blue or was this something that the two of you had talked about? If you talked about it at least you had some time to cushion the blow (not that that helps at this time). If it came as a bolt from the blue I wonder why she didn’t tell you until the last minute.

At this point I see the following options:

1. Can you get one of your parents or an older sibling to take you there every so often?

2. What about old-fashioned hand-written letters? Instead of only having the Internet with no way to save the message and access it over and over again. Personal writing gives you something to hold on to (I don’t know how often I slept with a letter under my pillow). It can also give you help with your writing skills (very important for your future).

3. I’m absolutely amazed that people your age can talk on the phone that late at night. When I was your age (how many times have you heard this?) I was in bed by 9:00 p.m., earlier when school was in session. Anyway, at least you have the telephone but you don’t want to abuse that. Otherwise, her father may forbid her to talk to you or worse still, block your telephone number.

I think the next move is hers. If she wants to stay in contact with you she will. Being able to see her, even every so often, can help. There is always a chance that she’ll get tired of being with her dad and go back to her mom, but that’s only a chance I wouldn’t count on that right now.

I started out in college going to a branch campus of one of the major State universities. I had planned on going there for two years and then transferring to the main campus because I couldn’t get the degree I wanted to locally. The October prior my transfer I met this guy and fell head over heels. Boy, was I walking on air every time I saw him. I still had my plans to transfer to main campus and seriously rethought if I really wanted to go because I wasn’t certain about our future. I went through with my plans.

The day before I left we went out and I’m certain I and over leaving him because we would be 240 miles away, he worked shift work at a local steel mill (which meant he’d be working some weekends), I had no car, and the Internet was probably just a gleam in someone’s eye.

In our case the distance was a killer but we kept in contact by the phone, by letters and by occasional visits. It just could be that being older allows people to deal a little easier with maintaining a relationship over some distance (but not forever).

Now it’s time for you to get on with your life. It’s OK to mourn her leaving but don’t let it consume you for too long. You want to get back to your friends (who can be a great support group), develop new interests and become a friend to yourself.

School will be starting whenever and you need to keep your mind occupied. Is there something that you’ve wanted to do (some club or whatever)? That would be something good; after all, you want to remain an interesting person that she would find fascinating. Don’t cut yourself off from other girls—they can be great friends and terribly sympathetic.

I had all kinds of male friends in high school—I was one of the guys and I got to understand how the male mind can work.

I hope some of this helps. I’m sorry to ramble on about this—but your message touched me a great deal and I thought you might like something long to read.

Good luck and please keep posting. If no one else cares, I do. Besides, you can help me understand a young person’s mind. I’m so out of the mix and I’d like at least to know the buzz words so that young people won’t when I’m around. Especially the abbreviations for texting.

Thank you so much, that helped so much. Its been 3 days since she left.. I rode up about 45 minutes away to say bye and let her go with her dad. A single kiss goodbye and a dirty look from her step mom. The ride back wasn't too weird .. I played with her 4 year old sister and talked to her mom. She hasn't called since she left.. Ive called her cell about 10 times a day.. it appears to be off. She hasn't gotten on aim or replied to my emails, And I don't know her dads home number. So I really have no way calling her and she will have to call me.. I can't understand why she hasn't.. I learned that during the school year she will be at her moms house every weekend like last year.. so if we can make it through the summer.. i'm sure we can make this work.

Hello again:

Glad to be of service !

Three days since she left and she hasn't called...if you were going into a different environment and needed to adjust it would still take awhile no matter what your age. She may still be trying to find her "sea legs". It make take a few more days.

Geez, I thought this thing was worse than it seems! Not to belittle you but you *will* have the school year weekends. Although I still think that you should consider finding something to do on some of those weekends so that you don't miss out on opportunities. Even if it means attending those high school football games (rah-rah-rah ).

I'm surprised that you didn't get her dad's address, but then young people don't write much by hand these days with cell phones (you have a cell phone at age 13? ) available.

It is possible that she's trying to sort out how she feels about you. She may be just as crushed as you are but may be handling it differently. Usually it's tne girls that try and call the boys 20x/day on the cell phone and never receive a reply. Now that you're apart the magic dust is settling and it may be settling at different rates. I'm sorry that she hasn't connected with you yet.

Did she tell you that she'd be in town for weekends once school started? The wording "'I learned that'" indicates to me that you found out through someone other than her (her mom, perhaps?). If that's the case, I'm beginning to see clouds on the horizon. I'll wait on going any farther on this answer.

OK, so you still have this what seems like endless summer left. Can you believe that you want school to start tomorrow so that you can see her again? When I was in high school I took summer school courses to get the extra credits.

So, how are you going to fill these summer days between trying to call her 10x/day? How about trying to cut down on the amount of calls you make and find something! Don't know where you live--do you read? Are you near a library? Do you have friends that you can hang with? Does your area hava a Summer Parks and Rec program that's still running? Do you have a bicycle that you can ride around on?

A digression: when I was young (in grade school), a bunch of us used to go bikeriding. And I mean *far*. Times were different then--we'd take off in the morning, be home for lunch, out again until supper, then out again until it was time for bed. Anyway, the area I grew up in is a suburb and many of the homes that were built were between say 1955 and 1970. Anyway, we used to love to ride through areas where houses were being built and play in the houses under construction. We thought that was great fun, didn't think about falling on boards with nails sticking up out of them (ouch!).

Back to you: You may want to consider stepping back from your feelings and see if you can analyze them. What if she doesn't call you? What if she doesn't seem happy to see you come Fall Semester? That would even more crushing, wouldn't it? That's why it's really important to keep yourself occupied. I'm going through some heartbreak myself right now and if I dwell on it too long I start to get teary-eyed. I have to find something else to do (like trying to help people like you, or reading or knitting) or I'll fall apart.

It's been three days already and I'd like to think you're feeling just a tiny bit better than that first day.

Keep posting and good luck.

hi
im 16 and i know this must be hard for you
but it will be ok
im sorry that this happend
it must suck really bad but hang in there
either it will get better or it will get worse
but in times things may fix themselves

Yes i am feeling much better.. just kinda worried about what shes thinking. Im not sure if she assumed i knew that she was going to her moms on the weekends during school.. but yes I did learn from he mom that she was. Biking has been my thing for about a year now, about 10 miles a day.. if not more.. usually with friends but sometimes alone. Its just I try so hard to get her out of my mind.. but every time I do she comes right back.. At this point I just need to talk to her.. the suspense is tearing me up.

I build computers as a hobby and that helps me get my mind off of her.. but every little thing that seems to go wrong sets me off.. I seem very irritable and am just trying to relax and take some time to see how i feel. This forum has been helping me SO much.. I think just talking to people who I don't really know helps. Thanks, and keep it coming =)

Love Always,
Jixz

yes you do need to talk to her... then youll feel better by knowing that shes ok
go biking and build computers and try to keep your mind off everything
i hope we helped and if you ever need anything feel free to PM me!!!

ya.. I think its more of the suspense.. I cant stand her not talking to me! I asked her best friend.. and she hasn't heard from her either.. so that makes things a little better.

Im wondering if shes ok .. she wouldn't just not call her friend or me..

Hi, my dear:

How have you been? Have you heard anything? Remember, you're both at a crossroads. Being apart from each other may give you both some breathing room and time to reflect.

Take care,

Camille

No, Still nothing.. but I am feeling MUCH better. Plus I got my computer up again

yay now you have your comp you can do stuff to kep your mind off of her!!!!!!! im very proud of you! your doing better than most people would be!