Broken Hearted Forum - Getting Back Together

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Q: Getting Back Together

asked by: BigBird20 on June 28th, 2007

New User

Hi, this is my first time posting on the forums and was seeking a little advice from anyone willing to open up. This is long and I apologize but if anyone is willing to hear my story I would appreciate it.

Im 23 and I just broke up with my girlfriend whom I had been best friends with for three years of college, and we dated for the final four months of my senior year. I know everyone has their story, so here I go-

Things were great with this girl, she is beautiful and literally did above and beyond what any girl could have possibly done for me. I was having the time of my life and I really enjoyed the time I spent with her. I was a college athlete at the time at a major univeristy and had all the notion of the world that I would be selected to play professionally. The days leading up to it were very stressful and for the last month of our relationship i was extremely stressed out and some of it was taken out on the relationship.

Now, I did not do anything verbally or phyisically abusive, i was just a little depressed and stressed about where my life was possibly headed in a negative manner. My girlfriend was still with me but expressed signs that things were breaking down. I finally just under the pressures of my life broke up with the girl because I honestly believe i was just temporarily out of my mind. I ended up not getting drafted and the dreams of a five year old little boy were crushed before my eyes and thats all I could focus on.

After I broke up with her, I immedialtey regretted my decision. I honestly came to my senses very fast but school was over and we were about two hours apart. I know that she cared so much about me and I crushed her dreams. I immediatley realized that I love this girl and we kept talking and she is the one keeping most of the contact, she just keeps telling me that she doesnt know if she can trust me and doesnt want to be hurt that badly again. It tears me up inside to know that she feels that way and I told her that I was over my temporary insanity and that I would do anything for her.

I went to see her about three weeks after we broke up and she wasnt sure what she wanted at this point. I let her vent on me when we went on a date but at the end of the day we ended up hugging and kissing and she seemed very happy with me, and part of me came alive again.

Now we are talking and wants to see me again, and it makes me so happy. However, I know that she does not fully trust me yet and there are already other guys that are seeking her attention that I am aware of.
My question is what do I need to do to show this girl that I am ready to love her forever? I honestly have come to terms with myself and want to make her happy.

Im sorry for the really long post but I had to get this off my chest and start somewhere. Thank you so much.

Replies(6)

meblonde01

replied on June 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Getting Back Together

BigBird20 wrote:

Big bird,
All you can do is just keep telling her to reinsure her that you will not hurt her again. Getting your heart broken by some one you trusted it s the worst thing in this world to go through. Personally I think it is worst then death. It will take time for her to believe what you are saying is true. After all she believed you once and look what happened. But just keep in mind you can heal her broken heart with the way you treat her and you must tell her often how sorry and what a bad mistake you made and you will NEVER do anything to hurt her again. And that you will spend time making it all up to her. Tell her it had nothing to do with her. It was all about you!
I know this is what you need to do because it is what my husband has done then last 2 and 1/2 years after he cheated on me. Time heals they heart, but your actions are what will make her believe in you again.

BigBird20

replied on June 29th, 2007

New User

Thank you so much for your words. I realize what I did to her heart when I made my poor decision. We are takling regularly and I am doing my best to regain her trust. I just hope she is capable of feeling about me like she once did. I am going to see her sometime this week and hopefully things go well. I really regret my mistake and urge anyone in a relationship that is reading this to evaluate exactly just what it is that you have, and dont make the same mistake I did. Hopefully I am able to repair this mistake and create a happy ending, as I realize this is not always the case.

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

ask her to marry you Wink

like the above psoter said,ou have to keep talking to her and reminding her. Don't just tell her but show her! Make her see and believe it!

entices1

replied on June 29th, 2007

Supporter

Getting Back Together

Hi, bigbird,

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup--stress can be a terrible thing in a relationship.

Question: if the situation were reversed, what would you want to happen? Obviously you can't move heaven and earth to get her back, but you certainly don't want to do anything that would make her feel pressured. You wouldn't want someone hanging around you begging forgiveness every time you turned around (I'm not saying you are).

As other posters have said, it just takes time. At least you know you hurt her deeply--many men just don't get that point--and you've realized your mistake.

You also have to remember that you have a 50-50 chance of getting back with her. What will you do in the event the 50% doesn't come out in your favor? How long will you wait in hopes of her coming back? I know right now you're saying that you will wait forever because you love her that much.

Both of you have broken hearts and you need to decide what is best for you yourself. Right now that prolly includes having her come back but if you can possibly put that aside for moment, you have to find the strength within yourself (and it is there) to pull yourself out of your misery. That can come from lots of sources--make yourself be around other people, even it means going to the mall and walking around. What about looking into something you've always had an interest in and finding out what group(s) is available for you to join? If for no other reason than to get you out of the house and away from your brooding (not being perjorative, I brood constantly, it's among my worst habits).

If it's meant to be she'll come back. If not, well...you've learned a valuable life's lesson and with any luck you won't make it again. In this case, communication is extremely important. It sounds like you were able to determine what caused the derailment and it seems like an unusual set of circumstances--ones you prolly won't go through again. Still, there will be times when you will feel stressed and will lash out at the one closest to you. I guess it's just human nature, that person unwittingly does something that makes you erupt and all the hurt, rage, disappointment whatever just comes out without the other person having any idea what s/he did to deserve this.

This sounds like she may be your first "True Love". I don't mean to sound cold but if you don't get back together there may be someone else out there that you can love just as much and who will also love you. If you and your "ex" can remain friends (and that has happened to me) once you get past this hurdle then you still have her that way.

Good luck and I wish you all the best.

Sorry for the rambling, it's past my bedtime.

BigBird20

replied on June 30th, 2007

New User

Thank You

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. These things all ring so true in how things went down. Its just hard for her to believe that I say I care so much about her after what I did. And as days go on, I realize more and more how much I hurt this wonderful girl.

We still talk very regularly and it at least seems she wants to give me another shot, but is unsure because she is so confused. I am going to visit her in the next few days ( we are two hours apart now, not a problem on my end at least) and will see how it goes.

I really do realize what I did was wrong, and the point I was trying to explain was that I was indeed under an unusual set of circumstances. This does not justify my actions but I would at least hope one day they were a little more understandable.

I pray for the best, and will man up to whatever decision comes about. Thank you again

entices1

replied on July 1st, 2007

Supporter

Getting to Know You

Hi, bigbird:

Sorry for any misspelling but I can't find my glasses right now Very Happy

I'm sort of going through a simlar situation. I have a very dear friend (we've known each other for longer than you've been on this earth) that I used to work with . He and I talked a great deal about all kinds of different things and got to be close friends (nothing more).

I moved about 1000 miles away (to be with another guy, but that's another story) and we've stayed in contact ever since. A few years ago he was diagnosed with a low-grade depression and figured he could work it out himself. Earlier this year we started IMing back and forth. Things seemed to be as they were but as time went on he started acting differently. Finally one evening during our chat something "snapped" (my best guess) and he decided that he was definitely going to seek help. I was so happy for him and I told him I'd support him completely. (He's married but he told me his wife wasn't terribly understanding about his condition).

Well, on this part of his jouney to wellness he's closed himself off completely (I guess under the recommnedation of his mental health professional). I am completely heart-broken about this. The rule when we chat is "keep it light". I feel like I've been pushed away completely (much like you) and, unlike you, I have no one to whom I can talk about this.

In order to help myself feel better when we IM I invented a harmless game called "Getting to Know You". I ask him a question like "who was your third grade teacher" or "what was the first thing you wanted to be when you grew up"? And he'll answer and ask back. Sometimes that will lead to a conversation and in a way, he's opening up to me. For someone who's known another person for that long I really know so little and this helps fill in the gaps.

So, the point is, what about her don't you know? Silly things, like what's her earliest memory? (What's yours?). If she has younger sibs, ask her how she felt when the new baby came home. Just stuff like that. Stuff that friends would ask eacfh other as they're getting their friendship started. That might bridge the chasm that has opened up between you and bring you closer together tnan before.

Do you play board games like Monopoly or checkers? I had a friend who, although things didn't work out romantically, I used to visit almost every Satruday night (I saw the first SNL broadcast at his parents' house) and we'd play Monopoly, cut-throat style. We had a blast.

I hope this helps a little. Do keep posting--I hope you both find your happiness.

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