Anxiety and Stress Forum - Is There Something Wrong With Me ?

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Q: Is There Something Wrong With Me ?

asked by: becky1789 on June 23rd, 2007

New User

Hi, just recently my extreme shyness is bothering me even more so than ever and I'm afraid that it isn't just shyness that I have. This is why I think so:
My face flushes if I talk to strangers or people I don't know well, often shop assistants, teachers, most especially doctors. Also, if I am put in these situations I always think 'my face is going to go red' and this makes it even worse. Then I feel my face burning so I get scared to look at whoever it is in the eyes and will rub my face or mess with my hair just to try to divert attention. Sometimes in these situations I can actually hear my heart beating very fast. Then when the situation is over I feel much more calm and relaxed.
I am very self-conscious, I feel that I cannot change my appearance for fear of what other people will think. So I wear the same style of clothing and do not alter my face in any way including the way I wear my hair. I cannot wear just a tee-shirt in summer, I think people are looking at my hips or my breasts and thinking bad things.
When talking to strangers or unfamiliar people my voice is weak and very quiet, and if I have to string a long sentence together I will stammer.
I aviod parties or meeting up with friends. As a result, I only have one friend left because I kept rejecting offers people no longer ask me.
I hate been in crowded places I feel hot and uncomfortable like everyone is looking at me in a bad way.

Please tell me if these thoughts are normal, if I am just shy or what because I hate the way I live.

Replies(8)

northendnorman

replied on June 24th, 2007

New User

Some Thoughts

I think that those thoughts are quite common, but allowing them to control our lives causes the problems. The why of allowing them could have any number of sources. I know that it is lonely living under that type of control. I have been there myself and I feel for you. You mentioned aversion to doctors, but maybe you could find a therapist who could help you get to the root of your difficulty. Find one that will listen and you feel you can trust. Sometimes, medication can work wonders. I resisted the idea for many years, and looking back, wish I could have considered medication a long time ago, because it has given me a lot of freedom I never had. Hope you find this helpful.

Jaydensmommy

replied on June 24th, 2007

Advanced Support Team

It is very common. I too experience this more than I'd like to!! Mad

For me it stems from being self concious. I am always thinking everyone is looking at me because I am too fat or ugly, which in turn makes my face red, embarassed, shy. I get paranoid that I am the center of everyones attention. With time I have learned to get past that a just a bit. I have realized that not everyone is staring at me. The more I look paranoid the more people will look. I have kind of taken this attitude that if you don't like me don't look at me, and it has gotten better. Don't get me wrong it still does occur, but not as often.

northendnorman

replied on June 24th, 2007

New User

Another Resource

I found something that helped me a great deal, and that was a series of audio programs that helps change our thinking, which cause us to think better of ourselves and relieve ourselves of our obsessions. If you type into Google, "Accelerated Success Audio Programs", you will find out what this is all about. Another thing I have found helpful was joining Al-Anon. I had been affected by my father's drinking, and that of other people in my life. I got a sponsor and went to meetings(hard at first), and over time, I started to feel better: so my recovery has been a combination of things, and I am very grateful for each one. One other thing, I had a lot of people praying for me, I will be praying for you.

becky1789

replied on June 24th, 2007

New User

I have thought about going to my doctor before, but I know I wouldn't be able to approach him or say what I want to say and I know my eyes would start filling up and everything because that too happens sometimes when I talk to unfamiliar people about things like this.

I try to speak to my friend about it but she doesn't understand. And my family are no use at all, my father seems to think its funny how shy I am and loves to make a joke out of it. My brother thinks he's shy when I know he isn't. And I aren't close to my mother, I tell her nothing personal.

My last exam is on Wednesday and then I have officially left sixth form, you see my college is attatched to my high school so I never had to meet new people because the people that go to my college are generally those who went to my school. Now I am so scared because I start university in September and its all I am going to think about up until them. I want to change, but the only thing that I have found to make myself to feel more out going is to get very drunk. I think the best thing is a doctor, but if I cannot speak to him I don't know what to do.

northendnorman

replied on June 27th, 2007

New User

Drinking For Courage

I have gone that route in the past and it ends up in worse depression, lower self esteem, and extreme isolation. I think that the pain of change is better than the pain of staying the same. There is a risk to reach out for help, especially if we have been wounded by those in positions of trust such as parents. If we want things to change we will take risks. There is a group called Emotions Anonymous, or if you think you have an alcohol problem, A.A. These might be very helpful. In these groups you meet people with the same struggles and learning how to get free.They don't judge you.You could start by finding something on-line to begin with and move from there. Help is there, but only if you go get it. You may be surprised at the love and acceptance you will find if you take this step. I am still praying for you.

becky1789

replied on June 28th, 2007

New User

Thank you so much, I am going to wait a few weeks and see if I can change on my own. I will try to face things I am afraid of.

northendnorman

replied on June 30th, 2007

New User

Freedom

I'm glad to hear that. I would encourage you to tell yourself everyday that you are a special, unique masterpiece. We all are, but somewhere along the line, we learned to believe otherwise. You life is precious and valuable, you have a unique contribution to make to the world. Try to believe it because it is true. Of all the people in the world, there is not another like you. That is an awesome thing to think about. I hope you can start to believe this, because this is the beginning of freedom.

Trent07

replied on July 2nd, 2007

New User

becky1789 wrote:

If you only have one friend and she doesnt understand then is she trully your friend? Does she support you in any way or help you out? Try re-talking to her.

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