I am having bad neck pain that comes and
goes sometimes my head hurts I am paranoid
of getting HIV from casual contact just
this recently I was visiting my mom in the
hospitial and I was wearing flip flops. I
was keep thinking what if I step on a
needle what if some blood get on my feet
what if someone steps on my feet in the
elevator I didn't even want to get in the
elevators because they had alot of people
in them I started sweating so bad in my
mind I think that I have HIV I am keep
thinking I have it now I know that I do
because my body is aching this is a sign
my arms hurt when I strecth them.
sometimes my neck also pops sometimes. it
feels like a big weight is sitting on the
back of my neck and now I am getting
stressed out even more because my
boyfriend has a little lump in his neck it
was there for like a week I think that it
is still there but just little he had
went to the ER and they said that it could
be a muscle spasm and told him to come
back for a cat scan. I think that it's a
lymph node. I am now thinking what if I
had gave him some disease or what if he
contracted something from the past we have
been together for like 6 mths now I have
been knowing him since High School he says
that he always uses condoms. I remeber the
very first time I was about to have to
have sex with him we didnt have a condom
so we both decided no not without a condom
and he even said that he wasn't about to
do anything without a condom. And now we
don't use condoms he says that I am the
only one he haven't used a condom on and
he feels safe with me because I get tested
for HIV alot, and now I am so scared to
death of the what if's they are driving me
so crazy I do trust him alot and he is
smart when it comes to sex and knows about
HIV but I am just thinking of what if's he
goes to the hospitial monday morning and I
am so nervous I am going to tell him to
get a HIV test to ease my mind but I am
going to still think that I contracted it
from all the other casual fiascos. By the
way I only had two sex partners including
him and my first love I had unprotected
sex with him plenty of times but the last
time with him was in december and I have
had plenty of HIV tests after him and when
I was with him.
