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Q: Problems with Husband and Masturbation
asked by: curious3 on June 19th, 2007
New User
I am a married , my husband likes to masturbate, which is normal, BUT, not with or in front of me. wants others to see him, I have caught him nude in front of an open window several times and outside at night. In my opinion this is not normal, I wanted to blame myself, as we have stopped a very healthy sexual relation for several years , he says due to back surgery afraid he will hurt me. Im not buying that, there are too many ways to satisfy other than the act its self, and he wont do any of it with me.
In the fact he is younger and my health has failed, is this normal???? Porn no longer good enough, he wants to be seen or likes the thought he might be seen seems to excite him. I also have caught him in porn sites with women and cams talking with and having sex as he masturbates, I know this can also be a not so healthy thing, terribly confused.
I am leaving him and going back home, my heart hurts too much, and Im angry at him. It took awhile to post this I hope someone has answers, he is also a dedicated alcoholic and pot user, we both were in our early marriage, I am no longer his buddy in these habits too many health probs. but seems other ways, I know he had a hard time reaching his 1st orgasm with me when we met and it took a few times, he did masturbate and could releive himself. No fault throwing here, just need answers....I would never let someone see me in those acts. That is private.
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Llewellyn
replied on June 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Actually, many people like to be watched when they are nude or masturbating. Some people have a fetish for it. I enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with it as long as the person can control themselves and does not flash children or anything like that. So his standing in front of an open window is a bit risky.
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Tylanas
replied on June 19th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Well, I think there are far more serious issues with your marriage and with him than him just masturbating where people can see him, but you said you didn't want blame thrown so I won't. I do think it's a good idea that you left, though. You're not in the wrong here. You got hurt and that's not your fault. No one should blame themselves for that.

On to the main question... wanting to be seen isn't uncommon, as llewy said. I like to masturbate in front of my fiancee, and we do it over webcam sometimes. Why your husband doesn't want to do it in front of you is beyond me. You should be the first person he wants to masturbate in front of. But again, your husband has some serious health and mental issues he needs to have dealt with, so I can't really say how normal it is for him to not want to masturbate in front of you.

Honestly, I think the issue lies with him, not you. He needs to work through a lot of things before he's going to be proper husband material and be able to really satisfy you mentally and physically.
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sandyallen
replied on June 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
First of all welcome to ehealth! I am sorry that things are not working out for you and you have to leave but you know what is the best thing to do for yourself! It is not your fault and please don't blame yourself! Have you ever sat down with him and asked him about getting some help on his drinking and his pot problem, we all know that we cannot force someone to get help like that, they have to be willing to help themselves. You are fortunate to have your family! My health is deteriorating too but my husband has been there for me and we have had our moments, heck, what couple hasn't. Know that I am here for you! How long have you been married? do you have kids? I wish you the best with your decision!
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