im sorry you had such a bad experiace but demeral is pain medication and you dont need an episiatomy, its perfectly fine (and normal) to tear, and many times it heals easier
personally i had a natual med free birth by choice (only med i had was sleep meds in the begining because i was falling asleep standing up, litterally) i tore, and it was wonderful, im still a little sore 3 weeks later but i wouldnt change it for anything in the world
they had to try 4 times with the iv for me, i have small deep rolling veins
i never wanted or tried having an edidural but that sounds awful
~alicia~