I am married for about 11 years and never
able to get full enjoyment of sex. After
marriage I tried oral sex with my tongue
to my wife's vagina and she didn't like
this. Now we do sex only few times a month
because my wife hardly feels the sex. Also
when we do the sex, she is always over me
and it takes whole lot of time for her to
orgasm and squirt. The problem is I
ejaculate very early and its due to the
frequency of our sex because when we do
sex quite often regularly then its perfect
for me as I can then ejaculate after her
and feel the full enjoyment of sex.
My question to the group, specially women,
is this possible to change my wife or grow
a little bit of adventure in my wife's
mind so that at least she can hold my
pennis or play with my pennins with her
hands ? Is there any way, that I can
change her to encourage me to massage her
vagina. I tried different tricks, I showed
her many varieties of adult DVDs but no
help. Everytime now we just have to turn
on those adult channels, watch her those
for an hour, then we do sex and thats 5
minutes job, done. She takes her cloth
out, ask me to do the same, she gets on
me, my pennis is already erected, so she
just takes that inside her, but I realize
one thing, she enjoys sex with me but just
not adventerous and don't do the foreplay.
Due to this fact, I now often go online
chat places where I try to pacify my
sexual fantasies with other girls over the
net via chat. But its not the real taste.
I even thought of trying other women but
thats not fair to my wife, so didn't try.
How can I make her change ? Any help will
be appreciating.
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Llewellyn
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2007 Posts: 1743 Location: NY
Posted: 06-18-07 12:42pm
You can't "make her change." All you can
do is ask if she wants to try different
things. If she is not interested, you
can't force her. It just doesn't work
that way. Some people are not interested
in trying things.
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eroslorenz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Manchester
Posted: 06-18-07 15:14pm
Llewellyn
wrote:
You can't "make her change."
All you can do is ask if she wants to try
different things. If she is not
interested, you can't force her. It just
doesn't work that way. Some people are
not interested in trying
things.
I really appreciate your reply. Somewhere
in my mind I also have the same feeling
that she won't change and I have to live
my life like this. Better to accept the
truth and relax but its quite difficult to
make myself not to think of fantasies.
Thanks anyway.
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flipper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 134 Location: Texas
Thanks: 2
Thanked:2
Posted: 06-18-07 16:12pm
Has she always been like this, or is this
just a kind of routine that you guys have
settled into? Has she ever been into
foreplay? If she wants to have sex after
watching porn, then it sounds like she's
getting turned on, so that's good news.
Maybe she's embarassed to try something
new? I know that once you've been married
for that long, things tend to get stale if
you don't work on them. Is she willing to
talk about it with you? Communication is
an absolute must to get through these
things.
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eroslorenz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Manchester
Posted: 06-19-07 05:41am
flipper
wrote:
Has she always been like
this, or is this just a kind of routine
that you guys have settled into? Has she
ever been into foreplay? If she wants to
have sex after watching porn, then it
sounds like she's getting turned on, so
that's good news. Maybe she's embarassed
to try something new? I know that once
you've been married for that long, things
tend to get stale if you don't work on
them. Is she willing to talk about it
with you? Communication is an absolute
must to get through these
things.
She was not always like this. After our
marriage, for first couple of months I was
able to make lot more foreplay and that
time I thought she is enjoying those. But
then she told me that she normally doesn't
like those foreplay and she thinks (from a
conservative cultural background) these
are not okay in sex. I can remember only 1
day when she took my penis into her mouth
for licking and sucking and that was after
several request. Even now, I can't put my
fingers and hands in her vagina as she
complains that if I touch it her sex goes
away. The reason why she watch porn
now-a-days is just to turn her on so that
we can make sex. I don't think she is
embarrased rather its a kind of cultural
background and her way of brought up. She
never saw any porn during her time before
marriage and never had seen any adult
magazine also. So I guess these might have
some impact on her sexual attitudes. I
wish I knew any magic to let her
experience some fantasies.
Another problem is my orgasm comes very
fast and I ejaculate quickly. Even after
my ejaculation, my penis is hard for
another couple of minutes while she tries
to orgasm. And it takes ages for her to
orgasm and by that time my penis gets
totally soft. Sometimes she even couldn't
get orgasm then I offered her masterbation
and I told her that I can make her feel
orgasm by masterbating but she didn't
agree. May be I need to consult with a sex
therapist and may be she can make her
realize what she is missing out there.
