i suffer agrophobia/panik attacks. Started when i was 12, today im 27 and still have them. Well they went away when i was 14 and come back when i was 21 after 2 yrs in a physically/mentally abusive r/s.
The vanished when i was 24 and 4 months pg with my daughter. I left her abusive father after 6 yrs together when my daughter was 8 months old because i didnt have anxiety anymore and was strong enough to leave him as the agrophobia came into it before i fell pg. I was flat out scared to even walk to my mail box without my best friend/flat mate suffering the same thing comig with me!
Anyways the anxiety came back full blown when my daughter was 16months old. I was in a new r/s and going threw alot of stress. The anxiety attacks took over and the agrophobia came back with it! It's been really hard and depressing on me as i feel like a failure of a mother with this disorder. When i was pg with her and the anxiety left i got my life back, got a car, a licence, went everywhere by myself etc it felt great then bang they were back!
Im heaps lucky i have a very understanding partner BUT he doesn't the full extent of what im going threw! I have attacks over irational thoughts, watching some movies, sitting there thinking i might have an attack, remembering old attacks u name it....
i have to force myself to take my mind off it to make it go away, its totally hard to do but i get threw it.
My mind races, i cant think straight, i get sweaty palms, i get diareah, feel nauseas, i get urges to run and do stupid caca to take my mind off the attack untill it passes!
Its an awful thing to go threw and it prevents me living a normal life even taking a shower alone or when i know i have to do something i cant get out of like having to sit and watch my daughter have a bath i know i cant leave her side so it makes me uneased and the thought of going out makes me feel dread i avoid shopping centres at all possible costs and grocey shopping! I fear having an attack in public cause ppl might think i am crazy! But this is probably due to the fact i had an attack once in a shopping centre with my ex who dragged my by the hair threw the centre and told me to wake up to myself im a crazy health forum... he would always stuff like that when i had an attack and it put me off going in public. i fear it now! And i never leave the house without my partner cuz im scared if i have one while driving with my daughter in the car or i have one around my daughter no one will be there to look after her, i cant even stay in a house on my own cause i want my daughter n i to be looked after incase i have an attack, they rule my life and it is awful. I dont take medication because it requires going to a doctor and i fear being told something is wrong with me

ive had attacks so bad ive had to call mental health on myself twice in 5 yrs although they didnt seem to care or tell me to come in they just said it was an attack of anxiety in which they were right but on both occassions i totally felt like i was losing my mind! The second one was worse i was throwing up, shitting myself and crying uncontrollably out of no where and i didnt know why? And i couldnt stop these crazy irational thoughts i was getting like sudden urges to kick my daughter

it was horible and i had to get my mum to take my daughter off me for the night till i felt better, it was 2 hrs later i felt fine and back to my normal self.
now im 6 months pg with #2 and i thought the attacks might of gone by now like with my daughter but no they are worse and i get sudden out bursts to cry and life is so caca with my r/s and kids i think ive also got depression! its not fun but im a batteler, always have been and i know ill get threw it because the best feeling in the world is waking up to my daughter every morning and seeing her smile, she is beautiful she makes my days i just feel so sad i cant take her anywhere on my own