I am on a bit of a knife edge at the moment and was looking for an opinion before i see my doctors again. I have bipolar disorder and have suffered from eating disorders for many years. I don't know who i am. I feel there is something that i never tell my doctors for fear of total abandonment. If i tell them the way my mind works they will send me away and take everything away from me. I know how to work people, i know how to manipulate and say what needs to be said. This worries me even more now. There is something that i can't access, i'm thinking i actually don't exist - nobody does, not here, somewhere else. There is also the thing that drives me absolutely crazy-i always have 'one' person, i go out way out of my way to get their attention and i hate, REALLY hate to know they have children or give attention to someone else. Then i move on, i never see that person again, in fact i can't, they make me writhe. I move onto the next. I can construct anything i want to. I think i may have caused the bipolar diagnoses so now i don't take my meds. I am dreadfully depressed but i have to know who i really am. does this sound like normal bipolar?