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When Does Sex Stop Hurting?

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I've been married for almost a month. I was a virgin when we got married, and I was prepared for sex to hurt and just basically be bad for awhile.
On the honeymoon we had sex about 4 times. We discovered I dont have a hymen or it already been broken (as there was no bleeding and no moment of intense pain). All the pain was centered around stretching me out. I was very tight down there, and now (4 weeks later) he can almost get all the way in. That pain basically subsided by the time we returned from the honeymoon.
I had my period when we got back, so there was a week break with no sex. Then the first time we had sex, I think he entered a little rough, because I bled a little bit. At first I thought that had been my hymen but after having sex a few more times I think he must have torn me a little bit. When we have sex the initial entrance is killer- feels like someone is pulling my skin apart down there. And then once he gets inside me (he has to work his way in slowly before he can start the back n forth stuff) there is a new pain. When he thrusts deep (I'd say the last inch or so) it creates the most intense, horrible menstruation-type cramping I have ever had. It stretches across my entire lower abdomen. It goes away when he's done. This pain has not subsided as we've had more sex. We have tried missionary and me on top- its the same for both. We have always ended in missionary because I cant concentrate through the pain when I"m on top to help him finish.

Can anybody shed some light?
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First Helper User Profile flipper
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replied June 13th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
is your husband well endowed? i know sometimes in certian position if my parter goesin dep i get the same menstrual type pain that you talk about
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replied June 13th, 2007
nope, he is perfectly average.
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replied December 23rd, 2011
my personal experience!
I was 13 when I lost mine. Yet back then I know. I was very stupid. But as I thought - "He was my first love" we still talk all the time. And I can remember it was both of our first time. It felt horrible and hurt like a Mofo right? But now I've probably had sex 3 times. After that first time, o quit for over a year. But now after this 4th time and such, it doesn't hurt me as much. I just really don't care for sex though.
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replied June 13th, 2007
SEX STILL HURTS IN THE BEGINNING FOR ME. A LOT OF GIRLS GO THROUGH THAT STAGE WHERE THEY WANT TO TRY EVERYTHING NEW SO FAST. SO I WAS 14 WHEN I LOST MY VIRGINITY. HOWEVER, I WASNT DOING IT AS OFTEN. I LOST MY VIRGINITY IN SEPTEMBER. THE NEXT TIME I HAD SEX WAS IN NOVEMBER. THEN MY 3RD TIME WAS IN DECEMBER. BY MY THIRD TIME THOUGH, I NOTICED THE BEGINNING PAIN DIDNT STAY ANY LONGER THAN THE FIRST 2 MINUTES. I'VE HAD SEX A LOT, WITH THE SAME PERSON OF COURSE, AND TO THIS DAY IT STILL HURTS IN THE BEGINNING SO IM NOT SURE IF THAT PAIN WILL EVEN GO AWAY ...
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replied June 13th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Re: When Does Sex Stop Hurting?
Carolina3152 wrote:
I've been married for almost a month. I was a virgin when we got married, and I was prepared for sex to hurt and just basically be bad for awhile.


WHy? Sex shouldn't have to hurt if both partners are reading and caring. Most women, if properly lubricated and relaxed, can have painless sex from day 1. I did. It's only a myth that sex is supposed to be painful at first.

Quote:

On the honeymoon we had sex about 4 times. We discovered I dont have a hymen or it already been broken (as there was no bleeding and no moment of intense pain). All the pain was centered around stretching me out.


Again, you shouldn't have to do that. I didn't have to do that. No woman has to do that! If his penis doesn't fit, then your bodyis not stimulaed enough. You need to be turned on, lubricated, and relaxed. Two fingers, a penis, a dildo, anything that needs to fit in there will. Vaginas do not need to be stretched.

Quote:
I was very tight down there, and now (4 weeks later) he can almost get all the way in. That pain basically subsided by the time we returned from the honeymoon.


All that means is that you're getting more relaxed with him.
Look, I had painless, complete-penetration sex when I lost my virginity. I was comfortable with my body, my boyfriend, and the idea of sex. I think a lot of women on here will tell you that sex is not supposed to be painful!!

Quote:
I had my period when we got back, so there was a week break with no sex. Then the first time we had sex, I think he entered a little rough, because I bled a little bit. At first I thought that had been my hymen but after having sex a few more times I think he must have torn me a little bit. When we have sex the initial entrance is killer- feels like someone is pulling my skin apart down there.


Then you're not relaxed enough nor lubricated enough. Even I sometimes have a little pain on entering, but only if I'm not turned on enough. If I'm totally in the mood, entering is an erotic feeling, not a painful one.

Quote:
And then once he gets inside me (he has to work his way in slowly before he can start the back n forth stuff) there is a new pain. When he thrusts deep (I'd say the last inch or so) it creates the most intense, horrible menstruation-type cramping I have ever had.


He's hitting your cervix, and this is painful for most women. It hurts me, too.

He should not be thrusting that deep. WHy? Simply because it causes you pain. Youhave a right to non-painful sex. Tell him that this deep thrusting hurts and youdon't want any more of it!! Period. I have to slow my fiancee down too when he gets too deep.

Quote:
It stretches across my entire lower abdomen. It goes away when he's done. This pain has not subsided as we've had more sex. We have tried missionary and me on top- its the same for both. We have always ended in missionary because I cant concentrate through the pain when I"m on top to help him finish.

Can anybody shed some light?


Yeah. You're doing it wrong!! I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just that your entire view on sex is wrong.

It should not be painful.
You have a right to pain-free sex.
You need to be turned on more before he enters you.
You need to be more relaxed before he enters you.
You need to stop him when he's thrusting too deep.

Make him give you oral sex; you'll be amazed how loose that gets you! Plus, you become really lubricated from it. If I receive oral before my fiancee goes inside, it's totally painless (unless he pokes my cervix, ow lol)

Your husband needs to cater to your needs, not his.
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replied June 13th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Eiri is right. Sex should not hurt, even the first time. If it does, something is wrong. Usually the problem is just not enough lubrication, so that's easy to fix. Make sure you are lubricated before even starting sex. If you are having trouble making enough on your own, buy a water-based lubricant at the store. Also, make sure you see your ob-gyn as pain during sex can be a symptom of a few things.
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replied June 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: When Does Sex Stop Hurting?
Carolina3152 wrote:
I've been married for almost a month. I was a virgin when we got married, and I was prepared for sex to hurt and just basically be bad for awhile.
On the honeymoon we had sex about 4 times. We discovered I dont have a hymen or it already been broken (as there was no bleeding and no moment of intense pain). All the pain was centered around stretching me out. I was very tight down there, and now (4 weeks later) he can almost get all the way in. That pain basically subsided by the time we returned from the honeymoon.
I had my period when we got back, so there was a week break with no sex. Then the first time we had sex, I think he entered a little rough, because I bled a little bit. At first I thought that had been my hymen but after having sex a few more times I think he must have torn me a little bit. When we have sex the initial entrance is killer- feels like someone is pulling my skin apart down there. And then once he gets inside me (he has to work his way in slowly before he can start the back n forth stuff) there is a new pain. When he thrusts deep (I'd say the last inch or so) it creates the most intense, horrible menstruation-type cramping I have ever had. It stretches across my entire lower abdomen. It goes away when he's done. This pain has not subsided as we've had more sex. We have tried missionary and me on top- its the same for both. We have always ended in missionary because I cant concentrate through the pain when I"m on top to help him finish.

Can anybody shed some light?


Well first of all, welcome to sex! Smile One month is such a short amount of time to get used to all of these new experiences, so don't feel badly that things aren't working out exactly right yet. Your body may be built for sex, but that doesn't mean that it automatically knows what to do. It takes time, practice and patience for it to run as smoothly as you'd like it to.

Are you sure that your hymen was already broken? I ask because you mentioned that after a month your husband can "almost" get all the way in. Some hymen's are just tough little beasts that take a while to break or wear down. As a matter of fact, I read once that a lot of women still have at least part of their hymen still attached until they give birth for the first time.

A lot of women have a hard time with deep penetration, so that's perfectly normal. The pain when he goes deep could be from him hitting your cervix. For some, it doesn't matter what they do, this just isn't comfortable and they have to hold off on deep penetration altogether. For others, more foreplay could help tremendously. I love foreplay, and spend at least a good solid half hour before intercourse is even introduced. There have been times when my husband and I have spent more than an hour just kissing and touching, and by the time we're ready to have intercourse, I'm so incredibly ready. It's times like these where I can have deep penetration in any position as rough as I like and it's just not going to hurt at all.

Having said all of that, I know the pain you're talking about. The first time I had sex, I didn't bleed but it did hurt. That "beginning" pain that you're talking about is so familiar, and honestly it is not the same as the "you didn't spend enough time on foreplay" pain. I could throw down in the kitchen with my husband right now, and it probably would hurt a little because I am not prepared enough, but that pain is different than the one you're describing, and I only know that because I experienced it. Honestly, it took me a few months for that to go away, and it has never come back in almost 12 years.

You may have to try more foreplay than you consider to be normal, and probably even some extra lubrication to help ease that "beginning" pain until it finally subsides. I do believe that it is only temporary.

As for the deep penetration, if it doesn't get any better, gets worse or if the pain continues even after sex, I would definitely see your gyn about it just to make sure there isn't a medical problem that needs looking into.
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replied July 12th, 2009
I agree with Flipper. I strongly DISAGREE with Tylanas. I've been married for 5 years. I was not a virgin. The first two partners I had, sex was easy and rarely had pain. Now, with my husband, who is more well-endowed than the previous partners, I usually have that beginning pain you describe. I found the pain to be true on my honemoon and have found that drinking lots of water improved my body's ability to produce enough fluid for intercourse. I agree with having to take your time, relax, and have fun. If it hurts, stop what you're doing and play some more. Find other ways to please your man. They're always in a hurry because it's so easy for them to be ready. Communicate your needs and, trust me, if it hurts, don't proceed. The pain will continue and probably make future attempts futile because you'll be expecting the pain. I have also found that fingering makes things worse with the pain, so if he's into helping you get ready, communicate with him what feels good and what is painful and ask him to go slow. Use lots of lube (but not the warming ones)!
Good luck to ya, sister.
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replied October 23rd, 2010
All of your comments solved my problem, sex didnt hurt with my ex but now even after nearly 3 years with my fiance it still hurts sometimes, and now think about it, it is when we rush it, usually we spend a good hour or more on foreplay, its the best part and without enough of it he has no chance in hell of making me come, and he is bigger than my ex and must be hitting my cervix as you say. atleast i know im normal now lol, though i have a problem no one has mensioned and i dont want to go to my gynacologist if its something normal or easily fixed/avoided, but i recently felt a pulling inside during sex and it made me feel sick and we had o stop. just wondering if anyone has any answers. im only 20 and havnt had any children.
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replied November 4th, 2010
ive recently lost my virginity and we've done it about 4 times and it still hurts, not for aslong, but will admit it does put me off a bit which probs isnt the best idea as i wont be as relaxed which probs makes it hurt more. ive only been on the bottom and most of my friends have said that being on top hurts the most first time but after is alright, i just hate the pain.
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replied November 4th, 2010
ive recently lost my virginity and we've done it about 4 times and it still hurts, not for aslong, but will admit it does put me off a bit which probs isnt the best idea as i wont be as relaxed which probs makes it hurt more. ive only been on the bottom and most of my friends have said that being on top hurts the most first time but after is alright, i just hate the pain.
would anyone agree?
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replied January 13th, 2011
i have the exact same problem!
And the funny thing is:
the pain goes away then if he pulls out it becomes painful getting it back in!
We usually do a '69-er' to get ourselves ready that always works and lube is the #1 best thing we ever did for ourselves, we have had sex 5 times now, and it only hurts when we first get it in, especially if i am tense.
We are still quite young (14) but, i believe, this is the best advice i can give anyone:
Relax as if you were not moving a muscle in your body, use lube and let it slide right in! You'll thank me later, because there is hardly a pinch. (:
Good luck!
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replied August 24th, 2011
That's really weird. I also waited until I was married until having sex and it did not hurt me at all. Really. My husband is uncircumsized though and he hurt for a couple weeks.
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replied December 25th, 2011
painful sex
hi,i m 16 and i had sex atleast 10times starting i didn't feel any pain bt as time passed it really hurt..... because of this me and partner had to stop continuing..... is this something serious or can i get some advice to have a painless sex
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replied December 26th, 2011
Community Volunteer
Sex is not supposed to hurt, especially after a couple of times. If you are sure you have enough lubricant, you are aroused enough (not just wet, but stimulated for a few minutes so that your genitals are fully engorged with blood), you are relaxed and he takes it slow, see a doctor to find out why it is hurting. You are anyways supposed to have your first ObGyn exam when you become sexually active.

BEst of luck!
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replied March 31st, 2012
someone ---well endowed
I an 59 and have not had sex in four years and met a man I like a lot and care for---but his extremely well endowed===about ten inches and I was shocked.
I am apprehenseiv--but want to make it good for both of us.
Any ideas?
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replied March 31st, 2012
someone ---well endowed
I an 59 and have not had sex in four years and met a man I like a lot and care for---but his extremely well endowed===about ten inches and I was shocked.
I am apprehenseiv--but want to make it good for both of us.
Any ideas?
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replied June 1st, 2014
im 16 and lost my virginity with my boyfriend 5 months ago. we have had sex about 5/6 times now and even with a lot of lubricant and I am definitely aroused it hurts a hell of a lot. he is well endowed and at first the pain was excruciating but now he manages to get in but its really painful for me all the way in and then my vagina kind of goes numb and if he tries to stimulate my clit it hurts and is not enjoyable at all. its a real downer because I really want to have sex with him but I really feel like Im letting him down.. can anyone help? should I go see my gp?
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