Medical Abortion Forum - Pregnant, Having An Abortion But Worried About My Bf...

Llewellyn

replied on June 12th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Good questions. I guess I would suggest sitting him down again and talking about how you love each other, how you both know the time is not right, and how you were doing everything right so this is no fault of either of yours. Remind him that he agrees it is not the right time. Maybe ask him if he would do the same thing if he were you.

I know where he is coming from and what he means. However, if you both make the decision, you should not be punished just because the fetus happens to be in your body instead of his.

You could see if there are any abortion support groups near you.

Good luck.

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mc4ever02

replied on June 12th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

You two did everything you could to avoid this from happening. Unfortunately, it just wasn't enough. Through absolutely no fault of your own. You were on birth control for a reason. Because you (as a couple) were not ready for a child. End of story. While it is a very emotional process for some (not all) you have to do what is best for you. If you chose to have an abortion, make sure it is what you really want, I mean 100%. Most people that have a bad experience did not want it 100% and regret it later. Most of the people that did want it 100% have no longer term issues (emotional) with it.

Now on to your boyfriend. I commend him for being honest with you. Many men would have kept their mouth shut and thrown it back at you later, which is completely unfair. While I respect the fact that you want him very comfortable with the decision, it is ultimately your decision. Has he said how he would feel about adoption? maybe, that would be a better option.

On to medical verse surgical. How far along are you?

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hurthawk

replied on June 12th, 2007

New User

mc4ever02 wrote:

You two did everything you could to avoid this from happening. Unfortunately, it just wasn't enough. Through absolutely no fault of your own. You were on birth control for a reason. Because you (as a couple) were not ready for a child. End of story. While it is a very emotional process for some (not all) you have to do what is best for you. If you chose to have an abortion, make sure it is what you really want, I mean 100%. Most people that have a bad experience did not want it 100% and regret it later. Most of the people that did want it 100% have no longer term issues (emotional) with it.

Now on to your boyfriend. I commend him for being honest with you. Many men would have kept their mouth shut and thrown it back at you later, which is completely unfair. While I respect the fact that you want him very comfortable with the decision, it is ultimately your decision. Has he said how he would feel about adoption? maybe, that would be a better option.

On to medical verse surgical. How far along are you?

Neither of us are interested in adoption. I am 100% certain I want an abortion... the only reason I might not would be if he gave reasons for wanting to keep it...i believe in the end its my choice but like i said i wanted to take his feelings into account...luckily we are both 100% sure about abortion... but obviously wish it hadnt happened.

I basically want him to not change his views of me as a person...obviously i cannot control that... we both dont want this pregnancy and want to get rid of it. I know that me doing this wont change my views of him...i dont feel pressured in anyway by him... but hes not sure how he will feel about me... Sad

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Birch

replied on June 12th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Pregnant, Having An Abortion But Worried About My Bf...

hurthawk wrote:

...
However... I know and hear a lot about abortion from the female viewpoint. I'm scared. I am pregnant and will be getting an abortion...ive already talked to a physician and have researched it... though i am deciding between medical and surgical... im going to do a search to see if there is a medical vs. surgical thing... right now im leaning more towards surgical.

Hello hurthawk. I'm sorry you have found yourself pregnant after taking so many precautions. That must suck. I can empathize, certainly.

I would keep leaning on the surgical side of things. It's faster, you're under the care of a physician, and the long term affects of medical abortions have not been scrutinized (enough for me, anyways).

hurthawk wrote:

My question is how can i be supportive of my boyfriend during this time. I know he will be there for me... he has said something that did disturb me though... i in no way feel any anger or resentment towards him... I did say that i feared me doing this (even though he agrees and 'supports' me) he will in someway look at me differently (negatively...as being tainted, or less than good shall we say)... and his reply (im glad he's honest) but it still hurt was "I don't know how im going to react, it may very well alter how i see you in a negative way".

What do i say to that? We both feel that our relationship was definitely going somewhere (no interest in being in one if it didnt)... But will this ruin it? How do i support him during this? Pretty sure i couldnt handle it if this ruined our relationship... any thoughts? Advice? I really appreciate it...sorry for the length and slight ramblings of this post.

Your boyfriend sounds honest. That's good. However...this gentleman is leaning towards you getting an abortion, and then says that he 'might' look at you negatively or tainted after the fact. After you do exatly what he wishes for you to do.

How does that look to me?

Like you need not worry about how to support him during this time, or in the future.

I am sorry. If it were me, and this thought had crossed my boyfriends' mind and was strong enough for him to voice it, I would not have concerned myself with how he views me, as I would view him a giant blown up wad of mucus. (Sorry, the filters on here requires us to get creative with our adjectives.)

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mc4ever02

replied on June 12th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

hurthawk wrote:

mc4ever02 wrote:

You two did everything you could to avoid this from happening. Unfortunately, it just wasn't enough. Through absolutely no fault of your own. You were on birth control for a reason. Because you (as a couple) were not ready for a child. End of story. While it is a very emotional process for some (not all) you have to do what is best for you. If you chose to have an abortion, make sure it is what you really want, I mean 100%. Most people that have a bad experience did not want it 100% and regret it later. Most of the people that did want it 100% have no longer term issues (emotional) with it.

Now on to your boyfriend. I commend him for being honest with you. Many men would have kept their mouth shut and thrown it back at you later, which is completely unfair. While I respect the fact that you want him very comfortable with the decision, it is ultimately your decision. Has he said how he would feel about adoption? maybe, that would be a better option.

On to medical verse surgical. How far along are you?

Neither of us are interested in adoption. I am 100% certain I want an abortion... the only reason I might not would be if he gave reasons for wanting to keep it...i believe in the end its my choice but like i said i wanted to take his feelings into account...luckily we are both 100% sure about abortion... but obviously wish it hadnt happened.

I basically want him to not change his views of me as a person...obviously i cannot control that... we both dont want this pregnancy and want to get rid of it. I know that me doing this wont change my views of him...i dont feel pressured in anyway by him... but hes not sure how he will feel about me... Sad

Adoption is not for everyone. I just wanted to make sure you two had discussed all of your options.

Abortion can be very difficult on a relationship. Especially if someone in the relationship isn't 100% comfortable with the idea (which it doesn't sound like he is) If he was convinced, then he wouldn't have doubts about how he would feel toward you afterwards. Honestly, you aren't making this decision alone. So, if he were to feel anything negative toward you afterward, he will probably feel the same about himself. And there isn't a whole lot you can do about that. I'm very sorry, I wish that I could be of more help.

Do you know about how far along you are? Or when the date of your last period was? Once you are at a certain gestational age, surgical abortion will be pretty much your only choice. (as far as I know...someone correct me If I am wrong.)

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jenn_smithson

replied on June 13th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

hurthawk wrote:

Neither of us are interested in adoption. I am 100% certain I want an abortion... the only reason I might not would be if he gave reasons for wanting to keep it...i believe in the end its my choice but like i said i wanted to take his feelings into account...luckily we are both 100% sure about abortion... but obviously wish it hadnt happened.

I basically want him to not change his views of me as a person...obviously i cannot control that... we both dont want this pregnancy and want to get rid of it. I know that me doing this wont change my views of him...i dont feel pressured in anyway by him... but hes not sure how he will feel about me... Sad

Did you ask him why his feelings toward you might change? Specifically, what is it that he thinks about .women who have an abortion and why is it (sometimes) negative? Also, is he not aware of the fact that without him, you would not be in this position and thus, not in the position to be thought of negatively due to having had an abortion?

It sounds as though while he doesn't want the pregnancy, he also does not want to be brushed with the same paint as you regarding the social stigma attached to abortion. And that, unfortunately, he cannot have because he does hold some responsibility in what has happened. If he wants to live in denial about that, then that might say something about his character that you need to see.

You mentioned that you are both at a University, does your University offer free counseling services to students? You might want to look into some couples counseling at the center either before the procedure or after it to explore your feelings together in a safe space.

My only advice other than the counseling would be to continue talking and communicating with one another in real, honest ways. Best of luck and keep us posted!
Peace,
Jenn

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hurthawk

replied on June 13th, 2007

New User

Re: Pregnant, Having An Abortion But Worried About My Bf...

Birch wrote:

hurthawk wrote:

...
However... I know and hear a lot about abortion from the female viewpoint. I'm scared. I am pregnant and will be getting an abortion...ive already talked to a physician and have researched it... though i am deciding between medical and surgical... im going to do a search to see if there is a medical vs. surgical thing... right now im leaning more towards surgical.

Hello hurthawk. I'm sorry you have found yourself pregnant after taking so many precautions. That must suck. I can empathize, certainly.

I would keep leaning on the surgical side of things. It's faster, you're under the care of a physician, and the long term affects of medical abortions have not been scrutinized (enough for me, anyways).

hurthawk wrote:

My question is how can i be supportive of my boyfriend during this time. I know he will be there for me... he has said something that did disturb me though... i in no way feel any anger or resentment towards him... I did say that i feared me doing this (even though he agrees and 'supports' me) he will in someway look at me differently (negatively...as being tainted, or less than good shall we say)... and his reply (im glad he's honest) but it still hurt was "I don't know how im going to react, it may very well alter how i see you in a negative way".

What do i say to that? We both feel that our relationship was definitely going somewhere (no interest in being in one if it didnt)... But will this ruin it? How do i support him during this? Pretty sure i couldnt handle it if this ruined our relationship... any thoughts? Advice? I really appreciate it...sorry for the length and slight ramblings of this post.

Your boyfriend sounds honest. That's good. However...this gentleman is leaning towards you getting an abortion, and then says that he 'might' look at you negatively or tainted after the fact. After you do exatly what he wishes for you to do.

How does that look to me?

Like you need not worry about how to support him during this time, or in the future.

I am sorry. If it were me, and this thought had crossed my boyfriends' mind and was strong enough for him to voice it, I would not have concerned myself with how he views me, as I would view him a giant blown up wad of mucus. (Sorry, the filters on here requires us to get creative with our adjectives.)

Actually that shows great imagination! Nothing wrong with being creative. To those who were asking how far along I am they said I could be anywhere from 9 weeks and below according to my last period. They only do medical abortions up to 7 weeks here and my way of thinking (especially after reading about the clots, time it takes to feel better, and overall percentage of success rate) I honestly am not even considering medical anymore and will be requesting Surgical abortion. I've had surgery before (knee, finger and back) so its not so much that im afraid of that... but ive never had any surgeries down there before...

I'm definitely going back on the pill that i was originally on...clearly this lower dosage one was not for me!

And to my boyfriend. Last night we pretty much just hungout and tried to act as if things were normal (which they most certainly ARE NOT). I'm annoyed, because even though i can tell he is doing his best not to act differently after what he had said (as i mentioned above about not being certain how he will feel about me afterwards) I'm actually starting to get rather angry. I don't see him paying for my birth control, im the one that has the responsibility of taking the birth control, on time, everyday, of every week of every year... i have never missed a dose... I was the one that suggested we use condoms whilst in the transition, he preferred it otherwise. Im pretty upset at fate because i really feel as if i did everything that i could to have this not occur. Granted it can be blamed on me for changing birth control pills...but I was listening to a physicians advice. I have always been upfront and honest with him. I find it kinda funny (not really...more like ironic) that a girl on the pill, using condoms and a man with one testicle can somehow get pregnant. Yeesh.

I felt it was a good idea for him to kinda relax yesterday, not really have any big discussions... and possibly the same for me. Though i feel like we both need to really sit down and discuss this... and I would like to ask him a few of the questions each of you posed... in particular asking for him to put himself into my shoes. I don't feel as if i deserve any recriminations for any of this. I have always told him that my position was pro-choice. I have done everything in my power for this not to happen. Sometimes these things happen... I'm the one that has to go pee in a cup, i'm the one that has to sit there and have a person who doesnt know me tell me im pregnant, and very possibly judging me.... I'm the one that has to get an ultrasound, I'm the one that has to have the actual procedure done...Im the one that is stuck with the physical repurcussions of what we did. He did tell me he would be more worried if i had said i wanted to keep the child...so clearly thats not what he wants. I don't in anyway look down on women who've had abortion...i feel like they made a responsible decision...for themselves and society... and I have never felt that its right to push my convictions on others.

That being said...today I have my ultrasound to see exactly how far i am along and am hoping to get my abortion appointment tomorrow....or friday...latest is next wed. I have to travel 120 miles to get one as soon as tomorrow or friday...but honestly for me the sooner the better... also my boyfriends parents come into town this weekend...and I'd rather not see them knowing i am pregnant.

You guys have been such a help, and I do feel quite a bit better. Thanks!!

Any other thoughts or opinions on my situation?

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sillyakchick

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

What a run of bum luck you had, and I am sorry you have had this happen despite your best efforts. It sounds like you have made a very informed decision. I have two kids and i am completely pro-choice. I know if I found myself in your shoes i would make the same choice at this point, but I can also understand that it's not easy to do no matter how much your mind is made up. My thoughts are certainly with you. Give yourself a break. Cry if you want to, or don't. There is no right or wrong reaction. I think the idea stated above for a little bit of couple's counseling is a good one. I hope the two of you can come to terms with this. It sucks that society puts such a negative connotation on this procedure, but I don't think there is much that can be done about the failings of society. My positive energies are with you.

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Birch

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Hey, thanks for the update on your situation.

I was nervous about the process, as wel. The surgery is so quick, though, and for me it was uncomfortable versus painful. I'm sure they will talk to you about anesthesia. I had a bit of 'laughing gas' instead of a general and I believe it was better that way. I have read that the risks of abortions going bad are intertwined with the usage of general anesthesia.

That is something-on the pill, condoms, and one testicle!! You totally got a raw deal. I'm sorry about that. Crying or Very sad

I think what jenn said is great-find out why his views would change of you if you do exactly what it is that he wants you to do.

For me, I wouldn't need to know 'why'. This guy would fall under the category of 'giant person' for me. And emotionally abusive, too. "I want you to have an abortion, which you wouldn't have to have if it wasn't for me, and after you do, then I 'might' think less of you?"

Yeah, giant person.

[Can you guys tell I've just about had it with people? Very Happy

I have a vacation in a couple of weeks, hopefully that will help recharge the "I can put up w/ b.s. meter".]

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Jules

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Good .British word that .Birch: "person". It's a goodie! Smile

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Birch

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

PurestGreen wrote:

Good .British word that .Birch: "person". It's a goodie! Smile

Heh, I always liked the sound of it. My bf's a Brit so I've been schooled on some of the more colorful idioyms.

I will never get that "up yours" toast his fam does, though.

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hurthawk

replied on June 13th, 2007

New User

Birch wrote:

Hey, thanks for the update on your situation.

I was nervous about the process, as wel. The surgery is so quick, though, and for me it was uncomfortable versus painful. I'm sure they will talk to you about anesthesia. I had a bit of 'laughing gas' instead of a general and I believe it was better that way. I have read that the risks of abortions going bad are intertwined with the usage of general anesthesia.

That is something-on the pill, condoms, and one testicle!! You totally got a raw deal. I'm sorry about that. Crying or Very sad

I think what jenn said is great-find out why his views would change of you if you do exactly what it is that he wants you to do.

For me, I wouldn't need to know 'why'. This guy would fall under the category of 'giant person' for me. And emotionally abusive, too. "I want you to have an abortion, which you wouldn't have to have if it wasn't for me, and after you do, then I 'might' think less of you?"

Yeah, giant person.

[Can you guys tell I've just about had it with people? Very Happy

I have a vacation in a couple of weeks, hopefully that will help recharge the "I can put up w/ b.s. meter".]

Well...here is a bit more clarity on what he's been thinking about or "going through"... He basically told me he knows it's scary and that there's a bazillion emotions going through my head right now....and that I deserve support throughout it. But that I need to know how he could possibly react to this experience... he says hes not blaming me, hes just thinking about how his life could be different. And then asked me if it's blaming me or feeling weird towards me if he looks at me and sees that we could have had a child? He says he doesnt feel its blame.. but remorse. He then goes on to say that I will remind him of it...but that its not blaming, or holding it against me. I then told him about my apointment time and he asked me if needed him to drive... no Im just going to drive 120 miles, get put on vallium and something else, have a surgical procedure and then just drive on back home.... right. He then tells me that he is man enough not to run away from it, but that it IS going to effect him, then tells me hes not the type of person that doesnt walk around with emotions (of course he isnt...i wouldnt be with him otherwise) and that he's not the type of person that doesnt take life seriously.
He then tells me hes not like me where I can just get over things quickly. Im not going to get over this quickly...I know for a fact i will be thinking about it for sometime, especially when i have my first planned child Im sure. But i also realize that im in no way financially or emotionally ready for this child. Its not that i get over things quickly, but that i realize when something has to be done, for the better of all involved, and that harping on it will get nothing done...this is tearing me up inside...mostly because i honestly did want to have a child with him in the future... and as mentioned above did my best to safeguard that... accidents happen as my father has always said... sometimes you cant change it. He then went on to tell me that he "feels his emotions" and sometimes people react to things differently (i know this). So i posed the question of whether or not he was 100% certain, regardless of my decision because i felt his feelings are important...his reply was that he would never be 100% sure...that he supports me, but has his doubts, he knows this isnt the right time for this but that if he had to, he could make it work, and thats what bothers him... that it would be a difficult life, but...and this is a direct quote "is that so much to ask for someone to live".... this floored me and made me feel like an absolutely terrible person. I then tell him that it is not the right time, I have 4 more years of school (post grad) and that i wouldnt be able to devote the time...and frankly...im not ready to be a mother...and id hate to resent my child for things that i need to get done in life right now...that isnt right for the child. Amongst other reasons that i wont go into. He told me that he definitely still agrees that the time is wrong, but that he could still do it, and that is what is killing him.

This has floored me with guilt... Im still going to go through with it...because its whats right for me...and in my opinion whats right for him... he does make decent money working for the university...but still has to finish his Thesis all the while working full time... and law school really isnt considered to be the most lenient in ways of giving time...i will not be an absent mother. My stress level on a scale of 1-10 is roughly 45. I cannot really talk to anyone about it... im 2000 miles away from home in an area of the country where you see signs like "God is Pro-life...Are You?" randomly on the highways posted on someones farmland...and this is a big sign. I dont want him to look at me and everytime think of this abortion. I dont believe thats fair. At all. And I think im becoming more angry and hurt as time continues (could be my hormones also!)... Im trying to safeguard our future...whether its separate or together. Sad

Darn fate. It seems as if he wants me to keep it...or am i just being paranoid?

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sillyakchick

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

What a confusing bunch of signals he has thrown at you. I am so sorry that you are caught up in a conundrum. It is my own belief that if you are not ready to be a mother, then you are probably right. Even the most devoted dads can't take the place of the mother of a tiny infant. I really used to believe that as long as the infant was fed, that any pair of arms could do to calm and nurture a baby. Now I understand that after spending 40 weeks stuck to your insides, little babies seem to want or need their mother more than anyone else. If you can't provide that time to a baby right now, then I think you know what the right answer is for you. You are correct inthat you will think about this for many years to come, perhaps forever. But there are just as meany mothers out there who yearn for what their life could have been if a baby hadn't come into the picture unexpectedly. You seem to be very driven to acheive your goals right now. Children make finishing school very very difficult, and many times a firm will quielty refuse to hire a woman who has children (even though it is illegal to do so). However, many people have made it work, unexpected baby and all. But there are sacrifices that have to be made. I wish that I could make an easy decision for you, I really do. You sound like you need a shoulder to cry on at the very least. I am glad you have continued to keep us posted.

I guess it comes to this: Are you both willing to sacrifice everything you have worked for for this? Becasue you might have to if you should decide to proceed. You just never know what will happen with children. Is there someone close to you besides Mr. flip flopper that you can talk to? Someone who knows and cares about you?

Sending you posistive vibes....

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Birch

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Yowzers.

Okay, I'll back off on the 'person' appraisal now that I understand him a little more. I apologize.

Your boyfriend sounds like a sensible person who is conflicted over this decision.

I don't want to lightly toss aside his feelings and concerns, but in the short, medium, and long run of it, you as the woman are going to be responsible for whatever decision you make.

You have to make the decision for yourself, not for anyone else.

If you are not 100% sure, don't do it. Seriously. Abortion isn't the right answer for everyone, just as parenting or adoption isn't the right answer for everyone.

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Carifairy

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

EVEN on valuim, you really should not drive yourself.

I work at an abortion clinic, and we require a driver.

You can also have 'better drugs' if you have a driver, and the aboriton would be painless with IV sedation/IV anesthesia.

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hurthawk

replied on June 13th, 2007

New User

Carifairy wrote:

EVEN on valuim, you really should not drive yourself.

I work at an abortion clinic, and we require a driver.

You can also have 'better drugs' if you have a driver, and the aboriton would be painless with IV sedation/IV anesthesia.

I was completely joking...id definitely need a driver... I had surgery on my pinky finger in december and although they didnt put me under i was on an iv drip and very very loopy... so much so that during the middle of the procedure I told the anesthesiologist that I was bored and that he needed to "entertain me"... the shame...i thought i was in there for only 20 minutes...turns out it was over an hour and a half (I badly dislocated and fractured it)...oh the shame!!

Back to the boyfriend... this is why i feel so weird...he is voicing the same concerns i have but im completely decided on this abortion... My feelings are more along the lines of this being an absolute bunk thing to happen. I have managed to stay quite objective... and i hate having to wait another whole week to get this done... i got the earliest possible appointment. I know in my gut this is the right thing to do..and would only keep it for him...and i think thats terrible. I just got a dog 9 months ago and babies are 20x more ridiculous to handle than a puppy. I always felt no one should bring a child into this world unless they could give it the best life they could offer possible. Im not where near that point.

And you are right about law firms...they tend to pass on the women with children... its sad...but its true.

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Jules

replied on June 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I sympathise with your boyfriend but the choice ultimately lies with you. If you are absolutely 100% sure that you do not want this baby and you won't consider adoption then abortion is the only other option.

Be prepared for your boyfriend to throw this back in your face at a later date though. He is powerless and he may well feel resentful. That's not meant to make you change your mind or anything btw, I'm just going on a gut feeling that he isn't going to be able to accept the abortion of his 'child' in the same way you are.

I really really hope that everything works out for the best for you and wish you the best of luck.

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jenn_smithson

replied on June 17th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

hurthawk wrote:

And then asked me if it's blaming me or feeling weird towards me if he looks at me and sees that we could have had a child?

Does he think this way about every ex-girlfriend or one-night stand that he has ever had? Statistically, even when precautions are taken, conceptions occur (sperm meets egg) a little more than half of the time. Conceptions, in fact, occur much more often than implantations (pregnancies). If he is the type of person who believes that pregnancy begins at conception, then he should feel this exact same way about every single woman he has had ever had sex with because statistically, he "could have had a child" with them as well. Even if he believes that implantation = pregnancy, he still "could have had a child" with each and every single one of them. A confirmed pregnancy is all that is different in your specific case and theirs. Or, as far as you or he knows.

This is a total guilt trip from what you have described.

Quote:

He then goes on to say that I will remind him of it...but that its not blaming, or holding it against me.

Is looking in the mirror going to remind him? I may be reading this wrong but it seems to me that he is trying to push this .a.l.l off onto you. And, if he feels remorseful about it (or thinks he will) and he feels that everytime he looks at you because you remind him of it, it seems like a very negative place to occupy within your relationship with him. The question will be is this actually how he is going to react when all is said and done and if it is, can you cope with being his reminder?

I would highly suggest some couples counseling in the future.

Quote:

his reply was that he would never be 100% sure...that he supports me, but has his doubts, he knows this isnt the right time for this but that if he had to, he could make it work, and thats what bothers him... that it would be a difficult life, but...and this is a direct quote "is that so much to ask for someone to live"

That sounds very noble but what would that reality actually be? It's easy for him to say this now because no matter what happens, he is not ever forced to take total and complete responsibility for it. If you keep the pregnancy, it is .y.o.u.r life, .y.o.u.r aspirations, and .y.o.u.r future choices that will be completely altered. His will more than likely change very little and will only change by his own choice, not by his obligation. Your biology, unfortunately, makes this very true. No matter how much he claims he would be there, you have to imagine your life without him, at all, and without any help from him because no matter what he says or promises, it never ends up being anywhere near equal support. If you had a child, you would forever be completely and totally responsible for that child.

At this point in your life, is that a sacrifice you want to willingly and knowingly make?

Forget about any promises that he makes at this point. Can you do it alone? Would you willingly choose to do it alone?

Quote:

.... this floored me and made me feel like an absolutely terrible person.

You are not a terrible person, at all. Even if those are his true feelings, I feel that he is a terrible prik for being completely tactless in discussing this with you. How dare he make you feel shame or embarrassment when .y.o.u, unlike him, were actually doing something to prevent it?!!? If anyone should feel badly about this, it should be him for doing nothing to prevent the pregnancy and then for standing in judgement of you for making this decision! His behavior, were he with me, would be completely and utterly unacceptable.

Quote:

He told me that he definitely still agrees that the time is wrong, but that he could still do it, and that is what is killing him.

He could do it but .w.o.u.l.d he, is the actual question. Do you know how many .women I come into contact with who have had children they didn't actually want because of the promises the man made and then did not deliver? Do you know how many lives I have seen completely destroyed by men's romantic and sentimental notions of childbirth and child raising?!

We .women may be considered romantic but it is actually the men who are more sentimental than we are in these cases. He is simply not being pragmatic enough and thinking realistically about what having a child right now with you would mean. In this, alone, you must remain realistic and pragmatic about your options and decision because it is your life, not really his, that will be the one sacrificed.

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This has floored me with guilt...

I still say he's a bass turd and someone as driven as you can do better.

Im still going to go through with it...because its whats right for me...and in my opinion whats right for him... he does make decent money working for the university...but still has to finish his Thesis all the while working full time... and law school really isnt considered to be the most lenient in ways of giving time...i will not be an absent mother. My stress level on a scale of 1-10 is roughly 45. I cannot really talk to anyone about it...[/quote] I'm sorry that you have to go through this with someone who is waffling in his support and commitment to you. If you need to talk, you can always post here. And I understand, completely, what you're going through (sans stupid boyfriend) as I went through the same thing. Still in college, working, on birth control, and the condoms did not work. Hang in there, you'll make it through.

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im 2000 miles away from home in an area of the country where you see signs like "God is Pro-life...Are You?" randomly on the highways posted on someones farmland...and this is a big sign.

.h.a!! I think we've discussed that on the debate forum before and come away with a completely different interpretation.

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I dont want him to look at me and everytime think of this abortion. I dont believe thats fair. At all.

It's not. None of this is fair, not what happened, what will happen, or his rotten attitude.

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And I think im becoming more angry and hurt as time continues (could be my hormones also!)... Im trying to safeguard our future...whether its separate or together. Sad

Darn fate. It seems as if he wants me to keep it...or am i just being paranoid?

It seems as if he is trying to take some sort of high road in this by denying his responsibility in the situation. It also seems, to me, that he feels the way to do this is to be overly sentimental with you and send you a lot of mixed signals. Just remember that no matter what he says or promises, it's .y.o.u.r life that will change and thus, your decision. If you are happy about your decision, then that's all that matters.
Best of luck and keep us posted!
Peace,
Jenn

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jenn_smithson

replied on June 21st, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

Hey Hawk.
Just checking up on you. How are you doing? Drop us a line and let us know how you are.
Peace,
Jenn

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