Friends Parenting/life Part 2

i think your friend is really lazy!

your friend does sound lazy but there's obviously nothing you can do.

if you've tried over and over again and she won't take your help, she obviously doesn't want it. i know that's hard to accept because i've had to do the same thing many times, but she's not going to change unless she wants to, like i said last time.

have you talked to her since you made your last post?

It's not me she's talking about!!! lol I saw .trey and was like "hunh?"

I think, maybe she should take a parenting class. I mean not doing laundry is not a huge deal but still.

i agree shes lazy. Ive said that to her in a joking type way before, she said she is in some ways and everyone else is. Not really true because most parents do a lot more than she does.

Brunette Ive talked to her since these messages but not about this yet because I still need to research nutrition for children online as mommy35 advised in my other message. Im going to make a food plan/menu type thing to give to her, and go through it with her. I will also write down which foods she needs to keep in the cupboards/fridge/freezer all the time, and which fresh things to get, to help her with the food shopping.
She told me if she has a plan, she can do it, but she needs help to make the plan so I will do it with help from the internet.

lil_blaze2004 could you read my earlier message a bit further down the page, and comment? Thanks It says lots of views but not many people made a comment to help

Like many people has said, she isn't going to change if she doesn't want to. Maybe this is how she was raised and part of who she is.
I don't iron unless I really really have to, and I work a professional job and have a lot of dressy clothes. I always throw things in the ironing machine (dryer). That to me seems like a very little thing. Dirty laundry on the other hand is a bit worse.

How is she with the boy? Does she spend time with him? Does she play with him and does she treat him well? At the end of the day that (to me) is the most important. Lots of kids wear dirty clothes, lots of kids may not have good food to eat, but a kid will thrive if someone loves them enough to spend time with them.

if it were me i would worry much more about the food and if she cares for him (loves him, spends time with him helps him learn etc) then about laundry

we do laundry once a week (so long as we have the money) otherwise we just do it when we need to...but we have to go to a laundry mat to do it, im not sure what her situation is

we also dont iron...anything, well the only things we iron is my husbands dress uniforms or utilities when he needs them (hes in the navy)

im not sure about hanging the wet clothes in his room though, why does she do it in his room, why not hers or the bathroom or something, thats what i do, if theres something that didnt dry all the way, i hang it in the bathroom

~alicia~

only way any of this stuff is going to get done is if you want to cook and do her laundry for her

chase, for treys sake mainly, im not giving up on her with all this just yet. i love him to death. but if she doesnt take the help im going to provide, then i will leave it, hes her son not mine at the end of the day, but at least i'll know i tried my best.

thanks for your message alicia. you really dont iron your clothes? dont they look really creased up when you wear them and dont people stare? sorry im shocked, i thought everyone ironed their clothes, unless maybe pijamas because no one outside sees u wearing them lol

i thought of writing her a laundry plan too...sounds silly. Write down to wash the clothes 4 times just 1 day a week. 4 times because you have dark colors, light colors, whites and bedding. And if she does all those 4 in one day, thats it over with for the rest of the week. -all washed.

She lives in a tiny apartment so im not sure about drying the clothes. If she bought some more drying clothes racks to hang wet clothes on, she could hang all the 4 lots up at the end of that day. I know theres enough room to put clothes to dry in the hallway and bathroom, but treys bedroom gets the most sun coming through the window, so they dry quicker in there.

As for ironing it all, i personally wouldnt iron any of the bedding sheets or duvet covers etc -i dont see anything wrong with saving yourself some work and time there since no one besides you sees your bed. But the clothes she could get them all done one night a week. I reckon it would take about 1 hour 30 mins -2 hours maximum to iron all their things once a week. That way she would keep on top of it, and it wouldnt build up to a huge amount which she throws in a cupboard and forgets about until the morning of the day she or trey need to wear it.

Does that sound ok? How often do you others do the clothes & bedding washing and ironing?

i've never ironed a thing in my life. i just take everything out of the dryer right when it's done and fold them right away. if i don't get them right when the dryer finishes and they sit in there and get wrinkled, i'll kick the dryer back on for 10 minutes or so.

if for some reason my husband's shirts need ironing, he does it.

i can't imagine having to iron for 2 hours at a time!

i'm pretty lazy when it comes to laundry because i hate it for some reason (i don't know why, it's so easy!). i do it one or 2 days a week, usually when we have nothing left to wear.

We usually wash when we have enough to do a full load. I keep a laundry basket by the hamper. It will either have darks or whites in it, and as soon as there is enough in it to do a full load, it gets washed. As for our bedding; the sheets gets changed once a week. But I usually only wash the blankets and comforters every 2-3 weeks. As for ironing...I don't. If it really needs to be ironed, I'll do it the day we wear it. Otherwise, it just gets hung up in the closet and it gets wrinkled. Seems like a waste of time to me to iron everything and then hang it up in the cramped closet.

Ohh thats why! Because you all use a washer and dryer? My parents only use a washing machine, and tumble dry it in the winter time because its not warm enough outside to hang it out to dry. So it comes out the washer wet and scrunched up all creased. I know emma only has a washing machine not a dryer too. So it would be a good idea to suggest she gets a washer dryer in one machine, or a seperate tumble dryer is what you all use? Then the problems of finding somewhere to hang wet clothes to dry, and the ironing effort/time is fixed.

i think suggesting that she feed her child better is okay and its just you trying to help, but suggesting that she gets a dryer or telling her how to do her laundry or clothes is kind of cutting it close in my eyes.

theres nothing wrong with trying to help her with her son, but i don't think you need to tell her step by step everything she needs to do in her life. maybe offer to help her iron or something, but don't tell her that she needs to invest in a dryer because chances are she probably can't afford one if she doesn't have one already.

im glad you're trying to help, but i think you should work on one thing at a time, and at this point i think her sons health is the most important.

I agree brunette, I did say suggest it to her, i would never tell her to do it. its upto her, i mean i can suggest it to her as a good way to stop needing to iron and drying clothes in treys room. she might not have thought about it before. The food thing is way more important thats true, I'll get started on it tonight.

maybe she is just having a tough time with just her and the baby it is not easy raising a child on your own i understand your concerns but instead of always complaining about the girl on here why dont you concentrait on maybe helping her when ever possible ...not to be mean of course so please do not take it as such.

Hi candita sky, sorry if it comes accross like im a bad friend or anything like that. I dont complain about this to anyone so im using here to vent about it and think about peoples messages in how i can help her change things.

i babysit a lot for her, i help her with shopping, i go with them if they need to see the doctor and things like that. im surrogate dad lol. i just want to make treys life better, and emmas too, it upsets me seeing these things and knowing they live like this.

heres another couple hygiene things-
1=she keeps the rubbish in shopping bags (so she doesnt have to buy black sacks or bin liners or even buy a bin- good idea i guess), but the thing is she leaves these bags of rubbish on the floor in the hallway (by the front door and treys bedroom) until the next day, or sometimes until 2 days later when she can be bothered to take them to the trash shoot which is outside her front door about 8 feet away!

if i had a kid i would want to take the trash out as soon as it was all wrapped up in a full bag. it smells in there sometimes due to that, and surely it attracts bugs.

2=she only washes up once or twice in a whole week. its shocking. ive been in there and seen mould on unwashed dinner plates etc. she seems to cover dirty dishes with another dirty one until they are all used up and she has no other choice than to wash them so they have something to put food on. everything gets a good clean from what i have seen, but only once or twice a week. the tops get filthy with spilt foods and she doesnt wipe them until she washes everything up either. I dont know anyone who does that especially with a kid. doesnt that mean trey is breathing in mould spores or whatever they are called? from old food going mouldy on plates days before she washes it. thats why she usually tells me not to go in the kitchen.

your oven and fridge dont need cleaning too often (my parents clean ours every few months i think), but dishes, plates, mugs, glasses, cutlery....shouldnt that be washed daily? on a few occasions when shes complained about being sick of washing up, i suggested she do it at night once trey is in bed sleeping, but she said shes too tired by then to do anything.
Then i suggested a dish washer, but she doesnt think it would be worth the money when theres only 2 of them. Is that true, is it only worth it for big families? Do you all use a dishwasher?

We have a dishwasher, i never use it and there are 4 of us, I think she needs to get in a habit of washing dishes after they are used, it is much easier to empty in the trash and rinse off right after using them then scraping them days later. maybe just go out and buy a cheap trash can for her or something, leaving bags on the ground of trash isnt sanitary for her son, im not sure how old he is though but either way any child shouldnt be around it. I used to leave dishes overnight, but now i cook , rinse dishes and wash as i go if possible then after we eat i finish the rest of the dishes and clean the countertops and oven etc. we clean the fridge at least once a week to throw out old food or clean up spilt koolaid or stuff like that. But i always try to clean up behind myself all the time now, because i know once the kids are asleep i do not want to do anything at all, rather just go to bed ya know. maybe offer to help her around the house and stuff it is hard with kids to get things done and have the energy to do it as well. so a little help goes a long way.

i have never ironed anyhting either. my dryer gets rid of all the wrinkles. i must admit i sometimes get lazy with the washing. i leave it pile up but that's beacuse we have so many clothes that i could go for weeks without needing to wash more (obviously i don't wait for weeks though )

well where i used to live we didnt have (but do know thank god ) a dishwasher so dishes went 3-4 days unwashed cause it was hard to try to do anything with household chores when you have lil ones running around getting into everything in sight the min i tried to do anything plus when they did go to bed guess where i went.....to bed too from sheer exhaustion. so maybe that is the case with her you never know.